Valentine.
(I originally wrote this on December 16th in what was then a private Tumblr blog I used while isolating and off of social media.)I have so much love and loyalty and compassion and care to give. It’s the only surplus resource I have and, I thought, the only asset of value I had to my name. For so long I thought this was a gift, and I couldn’t wait
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I was looking for the depression tag and I came across your entry, and I recognised a lot in it.
I have felt I loved too much in the past, and thought I would never find anyone who could handle the intensity of love I had to give. I had the experience that it was intoxicating in the beginning and started to sufficate over time. Which had led me to lose my faith in finding the right person to share it with. As you can see this is all written in the past tense. Because I have met that person that loves the way I do, who has so much love to give it can be scary sometimes.
I just wanted to say, that even though it may feel like your downfall to love and to trust and to be able to be vulnarable and open and honest, it doesnt have to be. In my experience these traits are appreciated by a lot of people, especially the right people, that matter. It takes a while to find them and trust me, I have met the wrong people in the past too, people that take advantage of these traits at your cost. Or that cannot handle your honesty. The goods ones will stick around, even if they are not many, they are the ones that actually matter.
I hope you do find someone who can accept you the way you are like I did. It may seem impossible, and I had given up on it too. And when I found it I got scared and suspicious, like what is the catch here? how long will it take to turn on me? But is hasn't yet! 5 years in already.
I'm sure you might think what is this stranger rambling on about? But ehm I do hope it helps a little bit, or make you feel better maybe..
Anyway Thanks for sharing your story.
Bunny
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