The Internet's love/hate relationship with me.
At literally the same instant over the Internet I received these two bits of commentary on my writing, opinions, and existence. One was full of hate and the other was full of admiration.
This first exchange of Facebook messages was started with me by a grown man who's almost thirty, is a wrestling fanatic, defended Juggalos to me over Facebook, compared pizza consumption to cigarette smoking in defense of smokers, and had just finished butting into a conversation between me and Kara on Facebook where he wouldn't stop harassing me about it. In all honesty, I really liked this guy when I met him in Lexington that one night. I thought he was hilarious and great story-teller. And even though every time he'd express some semblance of an 'opinion' to me it'd be totally stupid and unbelievably disagreeable, I still liked the guy. There were a few times his idiocy got on my nerves so badly that I'd consider deleting him from my friends list, but I thought that'd be stupid and childish. I'm not exactly someone that excommunicates someone just because I disagree with what they say. The irony in the end was that he deleted me from Facebook for saying things that he disagreed with. I swear, every time I try to be a decent and accepting person, I'm made to regret it. And then I just feel stupid for not giving in and becoming the person I'm characterized as by anonymous commenters on the Internet.
Lusy: I want to see you as an alright dude but between your Livejournal guilt trips (GUESS I'M GOING TO THIS COOL AS FUCK POP PUNK SHOW ALL BY MYSELF.......) and your public browbeatings, coupled with the constant self-righteousness (HEY GUYS, AREN'T CHRISTIANS THE DUMBEST LOLOLOL ALSO WHY IS SMOKING COOL, ALSO JUGGALOS MAN THAT'S SO MANY PEOPLE THAT I'M BETTER THAN) you're making it difficult. TELL ME I'M WRONG DAVE GUNN, TELL ME I'M WRONG.
Me: Guilt-trips? Public brow-beatings? I'm not really sure what you're talking about. Lusy, if you don't like my blog entries, don't read them. And if you're going to haunt personal conversations between me and others on Facebook that you don't have the context to have a word in, then please delete me, because it makes no sense for you to butt in or have an opinion over something that isn't any of your business (and no, just because you can see it doesn't make it your business).
Also, I hate religion, I hate the tobacco industry, I hate Juggalos, and I hate consumer-driven society. These are things I think are problems. I'm sorry if merely having established, and strong, opinions about things is alienating or frustrating to you, but if by being someone who questions and criticizes their surroundings and the world they live in makes me 'self-righteous', then what does it make you to judge ME for having opinions you don't agree with?
I mean, you compared cigarettes to pizza, rudely butted into a conversation between Kara and I, and stuck up for Juggalo miscreants on the grounds that someone somewhere met one and they were nice to them, but I'm not messaging you telling you that you're a bad person, am I?
Lusy: DAVE GUNN, I TRIED REALLY HARD. I tried my everloving hardest to think Dave Gunn was an alright dude and not a self-righteous douche who treated people poorly. I even showed the posts where you were browbeating Kara to Candace because I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting (I wasn't, she also felt like they were pretty verbally abusive) BUT I DIGRESS
I tried Dave! I genuinely did! But then I saw this:
"As for suicide, I’m all for someone killing themselves if their life is truly not worth it. But I don’t think anyone doing drugs is really aspiring to eventually overdose, so I don’t think that’s relevant in this discussion. If someone is being self-destructive because they want to die, they should probably put down the bottle, put down the joint, put down the needle, put down the pipe, and pick up a shotgun." - Dave Gunn, 2010
People who hold opinions like this are usually privileged assholes who've never had to deal with the destruction brought on by a loved one's suicide. My dad shot himself 6 years ago and I still haven't even begun to work through all the grief. SORRY DAVE, YOU HAVE BAD OPINIONS (literally the worst opinions) AND I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE. At least ICP tell people NOT to kill themselves. (I just googled ICP suicide to make sure) "I'd rather hang out with juggalos if all the punks were like Dave Gunn" - Lusy, 2010
IN CONCLUSION, you're wrong and your wrongness has cost you an e-friendship. "I am a bad person with terrible opinions and also Lusy hadn't mailed out my mustard yet SO HE PROBABLY NEVER WILL AND THAT IS REALLY FUCKED UP BECAUSE TOBASCO MUSTARD IS THE SHIT" - Dave Gunn, 2007
Me: That's fine. Though I fail to see how I treat people poorly by having certain opinions and you don't by excommunicating them for not having the same opinions as you. It seems like the pot calling the kettle black. As for the conversation between Kara and me, you don't even know what that was about and since you don't really know US and our relationship together, you really aren't in an appropriate place to judge it.
I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying EVERYONE should have the RIGHT to do whatever they want with their own LIFE and BODY, even if it's killing themself. People don't commit suicide for no good reason, so I totally advocate one's right to do that if they feel it's the right decision for them.
Oh, and I'm not a fucking punk. I hate punks.
Either way, I don't care what you think. At least I don't throw people away just because they don't agree with me.
PS: I even still think you're a cool person, even if you're a grown man who watches wrestling and seems to have a hostile aversion to those who believe in things, while having some of the stupidest viewpoints I've ever heard.
Yes, the words, "SORRY DAVE, YOU HAVE BAD OPINIONS (literally the worst opinions) AND I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE," were written by a grown adult whose only apparent opinion is that there is no room for opinions. I told him later in the messages before deleting him that he should probably delete Kara, too, since she has the same exactly opinions and viewpoints as me. But he never did, because Kara's quiet. And people like quiet, pretty, skinny girls more than they like loudly opinionated, ugly, fat boys. Did Kara defend me? No.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
More importantly, some girl over Tumblr sent me this message that made me smile a lot.
heymeghann: I just started following you, and I after stalking your last.fm (which I added you on as well), livejournal, and facebook for a few hours, I discovered that you're one of the last honest souls left in this world. You probably don't really give a shit, but I just felt like conveying that. Oh, and that being said, you're fucking awesome.
Similarly, I got this message over Tumblr, too.
pandacake: just wanted to let you know that reading your about me on facebook was the highlight of my day :)
And this one.
themightysnorlax: Stay happy. You're pretty fuckin' awesome. C: Your like one of the people I look up to. Haha.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I also received this message from a snotty rich whiteboy. It's really ironic that the majority of those who criticize me for being on state-funded disability are still and always have been on parent-funded allowances. I recently messaged one of his friends (Marshall, another snotty rich whiteboy who loves God, Devil Wears Prada, uses the word 'faggot' a lot and treats female like objects and doormats) telling him I was going to knock him the fuck out, so I guess he felt it necessary to come investigate me.
Benson: hey i just checked you out cause of marshall, but i have a question:
you're anti-paying taxes, but you live off of disability and food stamps, both paid for by...taxes! doesn't that makes you, oh, i don't know, a big hypocrite slash mooch? i'm just curious. it's one thing to be self-sufficient and feel like you don't need the services the government provides, but when you're living off those services while railing against the people and policies that provide them...it just comes off as kind of stupid.
just my two cents.
Me: Yes, I'm anti-taxation. Income tax is illegal and unconstitutional (there is, in fact, NO law that says our income should/can be taxed; in fact, the constitution prohibits it, and yet our country and government do it anyway). I don't really think I'm a hypocrite, considering I'm anti-taxes and DON'T PAY TAXES.
No one is self-sufficient. Everyone plays into the system one way or another. What people against this system should learn to do is to make the most of it, since it's an inescapable force. When I was accepted by Social Security as 'disabled' and was granted monthly checks when I was sixteen (my mother applied for me without my consent so she could rob $2,000 from me), I found a way to live without doing things I was against. So I didn't complain. You have to do what you can with the resources granted to you. And I'll do ANYTHING to avoid working or paying taxes (more than 50% of American taxes go to the wars we're waging on other countries, a very small percentage goes towards welfare programs).
When you get onto something like Disability, it becomes a financial security blanket. Not only do they prohibit you from getting a job (I got one once and they ended up making me pay them back by minimizing my monthly checks by hundreds of dollars for several months after I quit), but they suck you into a system that doesn't allow advancement. Basically, they lure you in with security; where most people get money from a job and then have to worry about keeping that job, or else they'll lose everything, not be able to pay rent, not be able to afford food, et cetera, people on disability get a monthly check that never changes or goes away. Obviously, anyone would choose the stable income over the unpredictable income, especially when they are living on their own in a dangerous neighborhood and have NO family to support them in a tough situation.
In summation, I'm not a hypocrite, because I willingly take part in the system I abhor every day, because I have no choice (every time I refuse to do something because it's illegal, I am playing into the system I hate; every time I show up to court when I don't want to, I am playing into the system I hate; it's unavoidable). I also really have no other choice than to continue receiving these checks since it's safer than participating in the wage-slave lifestyle of misery. Some of us are born into middle class families where your parents give you everything you want (you know what I'm talking about, I'm sure), and some of have never had that ever in their life (like me), so the only real difference between being a rich kid spoiled by their mommy and daddy and someone the same age being on disability is that the person on disability will never be able to afford a nice place to live, a car, or a better life.
Benson: that's...just not true. i know several people who worked jobs to help support their family (that's working and NOT getting the money back), worked to put themselves through college, got a steady job, a car, a house, and a family. you can do it. it's not impossible.
also, i still don't really get how aren't a hypocrite - you're saying you "do it willingly" because you don't have a choice - but you're also saying that you could work, it would just be a worse choice for you.
you live off of two government programs, but refuse to give back in any sort of meaningful way - in short, you're no better than welfare moms in the projects who pump out kids for bigger social security checks for drugs. you've got one hand out to collect and the other in a fist yelling at the same people who are giving YOU their money.
i agree that a lot of our taxes go to things i don't personally support. but that's not up to me. that's why i vote, that's why i pay attention to politics. it's up to you to make the changes you want to see. by just saying "oh i hate taxes because they're doing something i don't like with them" you're just pussying out.
on another note, the "wage-slave lifestyle of misery" you describe is what almost everyone is happy with - working a job, starting a family, contributing to what makes this country one of the best in the world. if you really want to get away from it, go. move to the mountains. hunt for food. grow crops. be self-sufficient. don't be a leech and drain our resources by being lazy and just holding out your hand.
in short, you ARE a hypocrite - you are anti-taxes while you are pro-you-benefiting-from-programs-funded-by-taxes.
there isn't really any way to get around that.
It's really infuriating when these snobby rich kids (this one doesn't pay taxes; he goes to college in Canada right now!) criticize things they don't and will not ever understand or be forced to endure. To talk about welfare moms like that was racist and ignorant. The way they tell me that I'm stealing money from hard workers is another favorite empty argument. I'm not taking it, the government is! And yes, I'm 'pussying out' by not wasting my life away at a job. After he said all that and went as far as saying most people are happy with the dreary, monotonous 9-5 life (once again, something he has probably never experienced since he's a family-funded Canadian college student), referred to America as, "one of the best in the world," and went on that short but hilariously insensitive and ignorant Republican anti-'hand-out' rant, I knew there was no getting through to this little idiot. So I replied and blocked him.
Me: Here, it's quite simple: I'm not a hypocrite because I'm not doing anything I'm against. I'm against paying taxes and therefore don't pay taxes. I am FOR taking the system for all it's worth and therefore am doing that. Since there is no escaping the system, you must learn to live within it and utilize the resources they hand you; finding loopholes in everything. I have done just that. Sure, I could get a job, go to college, and do all that 'normal' stuff, but I don't fucking want to. I will live my life doing what makes me happiest; taking orders from others and cultivating a dull, monotonous life just for social validation is not what I'm interested in, hence my aversion to it. I could die tomorrow, why in the fuck would I want to be bagging groceries at Price Chopper or going to classes every day? I want to live.
You can go ahead and try to convince yourself that voting is something relevant to the big picture, but it's really not. Politics proves that. Voting doesn't do anything. Direct action and inaction does. And you're fucking insane if you think this country is anything more than a big pile of shit. You're also fucking insane if you think the majority of people working the 9-5 is happy doing it. If you love working and all that bullshit, then go for it! I'm glad if you do what makes you happy and won't judge you for it, because I believe everyone should have the right and opportunity to do what makes them happiest. I however don't want to work, so I will never work. Plain and simple.
And I don't care what some stranger on the Internet who very obviously lacks the political or economical knowledge to establish a coherent or valid argument here thinks of me. Sorry. Go do what everyone else does and talk about me with your friends now.
But then he went to my Formspring to continue trying to get my attention...
Benson: man, blocking me without letting me respond? that's manly of you. i typed for several minutes! at least let me send it.
Me: I'm not in the mood for a political debate with someone so ill-equipped. You already have your mind made up about me, so I'm not going to waste any time trying to speak with you. I'm sorry you wasted your time writing what you probably think is really hard-hitting. I assure you that it isn't.
And 'manly'? How would blocking someone be in any way masculine?
Benson: and i haven't made up my mind about you, although i am leaning in a certain direction...my last email makes it very clear, just let me send it! you can even have th last word after if you want ;)
Me: Nah, that's okay. I honestly have no interest in your opinion or your approval/rejection of me. Sorry.
Benson: alright. keep being a mooch, asshole.
Me: Alright, I will. Like I said, I really don't care what you think of me. I'm happy, so some random rich kid's opinion on the Internet isn't really at all relevant.
Oh, and Gemma just notified me a few minutes ago that he posted some blog about me on his Facebook. One his friends has the audacity to try and say that he can get me investigated for disability fraud. No. I said to Gemma, "I obviously don't care. The funny thing about the one person who's all, 'Someone I know investigates disability fraud!' is that I'm not in any way committing fraud. The job I mentioned to him in my message back was something I did four years ago and they knew about it. I've never lied to get accepted. They even did a psychological re-evaluation last year and I was accepted again. Between my father's psychological past (bipolar disorder and the like are highly hereditary), my family's history of suicide, my background of hospital stays for self-induced lacerations, years of seeing a psychologist (the first time I went to therapy, I was nine), and the several medications I've been on, and the team of doctors who work for the state who have personally interviewed me, I actually do qualify. It's not a joke and it's something very difficult to live with. If it weren't for the pills I take, I'd be inside all day crying or something. The reason I had to quit that job I mentioned was that they got sick of me calling in and saying, "Personal crisis," for the day off because I was feeling too sad and suicidal to come in and make phone calls to car owners. My physician who has been my doctor since I was born (that's twenty-two years) personally wrote a letter to Social Security saying I was disabled and suffered from 'chronic depression and severe social anxieties'. If only these fucking little rich kids in Burnt Hills who have never had to experience growing up in a poor neighborhood where NiMo comes and shuts off your electricity in the middle of summer and you only have one outfit to wear knew me personally and knew my history, they wouldn't be so quick to judge."
I think this has become a big enough deal for me to address in a later entry. Me being on disability and my life-long struggle with chronic depression and social anxiety isn't something I've ever really talked about in-depth on here.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, I received a very nice message over Facebook today from a girl in Glenville who ordered my zine off of my Etsy shop late the night before. It made me smile a lot and I haven't responded yet, but here it is.
Devin: Hi,
I'm sorry I was so random about buying your zine. I found your livejournal and formspring by just lurking the internet looking for anything interesting. Lately everything seems to be so boring and unintelligible, like there's not one original thought in anyone's head. But your livejournal was like a breath of fresh air. Your so inspiring and your writing is superb. I literally missed my bus one night because I was so wrapped up in reading about your journeys,. The passion and knowledge in you shines through your writing.
I have no doubt you will become a published writer one day.
Anyhoo,
once again I'm sorry for not just contacting you,with out anonymous labels to hide under, earlier. (I've wrote a few times on your formspring) I'm really too nervous for my own good sometimes. But I HAD to buy your zine and I'm so glad I did. Although, I do think you should have circled Burnt Hills instead of Schenectady ;).
I loved all the stats, some things were complete news to me. I always thought the United States was the greediest country but some of that was shocking.
I especially loved the bull ramming into the guy with the label "Karma" ♥. Humans really are gross sometimes.
Some of it made me really want to cry, especially realizing how hopeless humans are.
I really can't believe how other humans are willing to mug and rob each other. It's sad and it shows you what the U.S. is really full of. All people look out for is what they can get, how much money they have, and how badly they can screw each other over.
Bottom line though: You're amazing and I can't wait for your next zine. :)
Start a debate with me. Or say nice things. Whichever. I guess it's just good that I cause a reaction either way. It means I'm causing reactions in people's brains.
This first exchange of Facebook messages was started with me by a grown man who's almost thirty, is a wrestling fanatic, defended Juggalos to me over Facebook, compared pizza consumption to cigarette smoking in defense of smokers, and had just finished butting into a conversation between me and Kara on Facebook where he wouldn't stop harassing me about it. In all honesty, I really liked this guy when I met him in Lexington that one night. I thought he was hilarious and great story-teller. And even though every time he'd express some semblance of an 'opinion' to me it'd be totally stupid and unbelievably disagreeable, I still liked the guy. There were a few times his idiocy got on my nerves so badly that I'd consider deleting him from my friends list, but I thought that'd be stupid and childish. I'm not exactly someone that excommunicates someone just because I disagree with what they say. The irony in the end was that he deleted me from Facebook for saying things that he disagreed with. I swear, every time I try to be a decent and accepting person, I'm made to regret it. And then I just feel stupid for not giving in and becoming the person I'm characterized as by anonymous commenters on the Internet.
Lusy: I want to see you as an alright dude but between your Livejournal guilt trips (GUESS I'M GOING TO THIS COOL AS FUCK POP PUNK SHOW ALL BY MYSELF.......) and your public browbeatings, coupled with the constant self-righteousness (HEY GUYS, AREN'T CHRISTIANS THE DUMBEST LOLOLOL ALSO WHY IS SMOKING COOL, ALSO JUGGALOS MAN THAT'S SO MANY PEOPLE THAT I'M BETTER THAN) you're making it difficult. TELL ME I'M WRONG DAVE GUNN, TELL ME I'M WRONG.
Me: Guilt-trips? Public brow-beatings? I'm not really sure what you're talking about. Lusy, if you don't like my blog entries, don't read them. And if you're going to haunt personal conversations between me and others on Facebook that you don't have the context to have a word in, then please delete me, because it makes no sense for you to butt in or have an opinion over something that isn't any of your business (and no, just because you can see it doesn't make it your business).
Also, I hate religion, I hate the tobacco industry, I hate Juggalos, and I hate consumer-driven society. These are things I think are problems. I'm sorry if merely having established, and strong, opinions about things is alienating or frustrating to you, but if by being someone who questions and criticizes their surroundings and the world they live in makes me 'self-righteous', then what does it make you to judge ME for having opinions you don't agree with?
I mean, you compared cigarettes to pizza, rudely butted into a conversation between Kara and I, and stuck up for Juggalo miscreants on the grounds that someone somewhere met one and they were nice to them, but I'm not messaging you telling you that you're a bad person, am I?
Lusy: DAVE GUNN, I TRIED REALLY HARD. I tried my everloving hardest to think Dave Gunn was an alright dude and not a self-righteous douche who treated people poorly. I even showed the posts where you were browbeating Kara to Candace because I wanted to make sure I wasn't overreacting (I wasn't, she also felt like they were pretty verbally abusive) BUT I DIGRESS
I tried Dave! I genuinely did! But then I saw this:
"As for suicide, I’m all for someone killing themselves if their life is truly not worth it. But I don’t think anyone doing drugs is really aspiring to eventually overdose, so I don’t think that’s relevant in this discussion. If someone is being self-destructive because they want to die, they should probably put down the bottle, put down the joint, put down the needle, put down the pipe, and pick up a shotgun." - Dave Gunn, 2010
People who hold opinions like this are usually privileged assholes who've never had to deal with the destruction brought on by a loved one's suicide. My dad shot himself 6 years ago and I still haven't even begun to work through all the grief. SORRY DAVE, YOU HAVE BAD OPINIONS (literally the worst opinions) AND I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE. At least ICP tell people NOT to kill themselves. (I just googled ICP suicide to make sure) "I'd rather hang out with juggalos if all the punks were like Dave Gunn" - Lusy, 2010
IN CONCLUSION, you're wrong and your wrongness has cost you an e-friendship. "I am a bad person with terrible opinions and also Lusy hadn't mailed out my mustard yet SO HE PROBABLY NEVER WILL AND THAT IS REALLY FUCKED UP BECAUSE TOBASCO MUSTARD IS THE SHIT" - Dave Gunn, 2007
Me: That's fine. Though I fail to see how I treat people poorly by having certain opinions and you don't by excommunicating them for not having the same opinions as you. It seems like the pot calling the kettle black. As for the conversation between Kara and me, you don't even know what that was about and since you don't really know US and our relationship together, you really aren't in an appropriate place to judge it.
I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying EVERYONE should have the RIGHT to do whatever they want with their own LIFE and BODY, even if it's killing themself. People don't commit suicide for no good reason, so I totally advocate one's right to do that if they feel it's the right decision for them.
Oh, and I'm not a fucking punk. I hate punks.
Either way, I don't care what you think. At least I don't throw people away just because they don't agree with me.
PS: I even still think you're a cool person, even if you're a grown man who watches wrestling and seems to have a hostile aversion to those who believe in things, while having some of the stupidest viewpoints I've ever heard.
Yes, the words, "SORRY DAVE, YOU HAVE BAD OPINIONS (literally the worst opinions) AND I CAN'T BE FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE," were written by a grown adult whose only apparent opinion is that there is no room for opinions. I told him later in the messages before deleting him that he should probably delete Kara, too, since she has the same exactly opinions and viewpoints as me. But he never did, because Kara's quiet. And people like quiet, pretty, skinny girls more than they like loudly opinionated, ugly, fat boys. Did Kara defend me? No.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
More importantly, some girl over Tumblr sent me this message that made me smile a lot.
heymeghann: I just started following you, and I after stalking your last.fm (which I added you on as well), livejournal, and facebook for a few hours, I discovered that you're one of the last honest souls left in this world. You probably don't really give a shit, but I just felt like conveying that. Oh, and that being said, you're fucking awesome.
Similarly, I got this message over Tumblr, too.
pandacake: just wanted to let you know that reading your about me on facebook was the highlight of my day :)
And this one.
themightysnorlax: Stay happy. You're pretty fuckin' awesome. C: Your like one of the people I look up to. Haha.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I also received this message from a snotty rich whiteboy. It's really ironic that the majority of those who criticize me for being on state-funded disability are still and always have been on parent-funded allowances. I recently messaged one of his friends (Marshall, another snotty rich whiteboy who loves God, Devil Wears Prada, uses the word 'faggot' a lot and treats female like objects and doormats) telling him I was going to knock him the fuck out, so I guess he felt it necessary to come investigate me.
Benson: hey i just checked you out cause of marshall, but i have a question:
you're anti-paying taxes, but you live off of disability and food stamps, both paid for by...taxes! doesn't that makes you, oh, i don't know, a big hypocrite slash mooch? i'm just curious. it's one thing to be self-sufficient and feel like you don't need the services the government provides, but when you're living off those services while railing against the people and policies that provide them...it just comes off as kind of stupid.
just my two cents.
Me: Yes, I'm anti-taxation. Income tax is illegal and unconstitutional (there is, in fact, NO law that says our income should/can be taxed; in fact, the constitution prohibits it, and yet our country and government do it anyway). I don't really think I'm a hypocrite, considering I'm anti-taxes and DON'T PAY TAXES.
No one is self-sufficient. Everyone plays into the system one way or another. What people against this system should learn to do is to make the most of it, since it's an inescapable force. When I was accepted by Social Security as 'disabled' and was granted monthly checks when I was sixteen (my mother applied for me without my consent so she could rob $2,000 from me), I found a way to live without doing things I was against. So I didn't complain. You have to do what you can with the resources granted to you. And I'll do ANYTHING to avoid working or paying taxes (more than 50% of American taxes go to the wars we're waging on other countries, a very small percentage goes towards welfare programs).
When you get onto something like Disability, it becomes a financial security blanket. Not only do they prohibit you from getting a job (I got one once and they ended up making me pay them back by minimizing my monthly checks by hundreds of dollars for several months after I quit), but they suck you into a system that doesn't allow advancement. Basically, they lure you in with security; where most people get money from a job and then have to worry about keeping that job, or else they'll lose everything, not be able to pay rent, not be able to afford food, et cetera, people on disability get a monthly check that never changes or goes away. Obviously, anyone would choose the stable income over the unpredictable income, especially when they are living on their own in a dangerous neighborhood and have NO family to support them in a tough situation.
In summation, I'm not a hypocrite, because I willingly take part in the system I abhor every day, because I have no choice (every time I refuse to do something because it's illegal, I am playing into the system I hate; every time I show up to court when I don't want to, I am playing into the system I hate; it's unavoidable). I also really have no other choice than to continue receiving these checks since it's safer than participating in the wage-slave lifestyle of misery. Some of us are born into middle class families where your parents give you everything you want (you know what I'm talking about, I'm sure), and some of have never had that ever in their life (like me), so the only real difference between being a rich kid spoiled by their mommy and daddy and someone the same age being on disability is that the person on disability will never be able to afford a nice place to live, a car, or a better life.
Benson: that's...just not true. i know several people who worked jobs to help support their family (that's working and NOT getting the money back), worked to put themselves through college, got a steady job, a car, a house, and a family. you can do it. it's not impossible.
also, i still don't really get how aren't a hypocrite - you're saying you "do it willingly" because you don't have a choice - but you're also saying that you could work, it would just be a worse choice for you.
you live off of two government programs, but refuse to give back in any sort of meaningful way - in short, you're no better than welfare moms in the projects who pump out kids for bigger social security checks for drugs. you've got one hand out to collect and the other in a fist yelling at the same people who are giving YOU their money.
i agree that a lot of our taxes go to things i don't personally support. but that's not up to me. that's why i vote, that's why i pay attention to politics. it's up to you to make the changes you want to see. by just saying "oh i hate taxes because they're doing something i don't like with them" you're just pussying out.
on another note, the "wage-slave lifestyle of misery" you describe is what almost everyone is happy with - working a job, starting a family, contributing to what makes this country one of the best in the world. if you really want to get away from it, go. move to the mountains. hunt for food. grow crops. be self-sufficient. don't be a leech and drain our resources by being lazy and just holding out your hand.
in short, you ARE a hypocrite - you are anti-taxes while you are pro-you-benefiting-from-programs-funded-by-taxes.
there isn't really any way to get around that.
It's really infuriating when these snobby rich kids (this one doesn't pay taxes; he goes to college in Canada right now!) criticize things they don't and will not ever understand or be forced to endure. To talk about welfare moms like that was racist and ignorant. The way they tell me that I'm stealing money from hard workers is another favorite empty argument. I'm not taking it, the government is! And yes, I'm 'pussying out' by not wasting my life away at a job. After he said all that and went as far as saying most people are happy with the dreary, monotonous 9-5 life (once again, something he has probably never experienced since he's a family-funded Canadian college student), referred to America as, "one of the best in the world," and went on that short but hilariously insensitive and ignorant Republican anti-'hand-out' rant, I knew there was no getting through to this little idiot. So I replied and blocked him.
Me: Here, it's quite simple: I'm not a hypocrite because I'm not doing anything I'm against. I'm against paying taxes and therefore don't pay taxes. I am FOR taking the system for all it's worth and therefore am doing that. Since there is no escaping the system, you must learn to live within it and utilize the resources they hand you; finding loopholes in everything. I have done just that. Sure, I could get a job, go to college, and do all that 'normal' stuff, but I don't fucking want to. I will live my life doing what makes me happiest; taking orders from others and cultivating a dull, monotonous life just for social validation is not what I'm interested in, hence my aversion to it. I could die tomorrow, why in the fuck would I want to be bagging groceries at Price Chopper or going to classes every day? I want to live.
You can go ahead and try to convince yourself that voting is something relevant to the big picture, but it's really not. Politics proves that. Voting doesn't do anything. Direct action and inaction does. And you're fucking insane if you think this country is anything more than a big pile of shit. You're also fucking insane if you think the majority of people working the 9-5 is happy doing it. If you love working and all that bullshit, then go for it! I'm glad if you do what makes you happy and won't judge you for it, because I believe everyone should have the right and opportunity to do what makes them happiest. I however don't want to work, so I will never work. Plain and simple.
And I don't care what some stranger on the Internet who very obviously lacks the political or economical knowledge to establish a coherent or valid argument here thinks of me. Sorry. Go do what everyone else does and talk about me with your friends now.
But then he went to my Formspring to continue trying to get my attention...
Benson: man, blocking me without letting me respond? that's manly of you. i typed for several minutes! at least let me send it.
Me: I'm not in the mood for a political debate with someone so ill-equipped. You already have your mind made up about me, so I'm not going to waste any time trying to speak with you. I'm sorry you wasted your time writing what you probably think is really hard-hitting. I assure you that it isn't.
And 'manly'? How would blocking someone be in any way masculine?
Benson: and i haven't made up my mind about you, although i am leaning in a certain direction...my last email makes it very clear, just let me send it! you can even have th last word after if you want ;)
Me: Nah, that's okay. I honestly have no interest in your opinion or your approval/rejection of me. Sorry.
Benson: alright. keep being a mooch, asshole.
Me: Alright, I will. Like I said, I really don't care what you think of me. I'm happy, so some random rich kid's opinion on the Internet isn't really at all relevant.
Oh, and Gemma just notified me a few minutes ago that he posted some blog about me on his Facebook. One his friends has the audacity to try and say that he can get me investigated for disability fraud. No. I said to Gemma, "I obviously don't care. The funny thing about the one person who's all, 'Someone I know investigates disability fraud!' is that I'm not in any way committing fraud. The job I mentioned to him in my message back was something I did four years ago and they knew about it. I've never lied to get accepted. They even did a psychological re-evaluation last year and I was accepted again. Between my father's psychological past (bipolar disorder and the like are highly hereditary), my family's history of suicide, my background of hospital stays for self-induced lacerations, years of seeing a psychologist (the first time I went to therapy, I was nine), and the several medications I've been on, and the team of doctors who work for the state who have personally interviewed me, I actually do qualify. It's not a joke and it's something very difficult to live with. If it weren't for the pills I take, I'd be inside all day crying or something. The reason I had to quit that job I mentioned was that they got sick of me calling in and saying, "Personal crisis," for the day off because I was feeling too sad and suicidal to come in and make phone calls to car owners. My physician who has been my doctor since I was born (that's twenty-two years) personally wrote a letter to Social Security saying I was disabled and suffered from 'chronic depression and severe social anxieties'. If only these fucking little rich kids in Burnt Hills who have never had to experience growing up in a poor neighborhood where NiMo comes and shuts off your electricity in the middle of summer and you only have one outfit to wear knew me personally and knew my history, they wouldn't be so quick to judge."
I think this has become a big enough deal for me to address in a later entry. Me being on disability and my life-long struggle with chronic depression and social anxiety isn't something I've ever really talked about in-depth on here.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, I received a very nice message over Facebook today from a girl in Glenville who ordered my zine off of my Etsy shop late the night before. It made me smile a lot and I haven't responded yet, but here it is.
Devin: Hi,
I'm sorry I was so random about buying your zine. I found your livejournal and formspring by just lurking the internet looking for anything interesting. Lately everything seems to be so boring and unintelligible, like there's not one original thought in anyone's head. But your livejournal was like a breath of fresh air. Your so inspiring and your writing is superb. I literally missed my bus one night because I was so wrapped up in reading about your journeys,. The passion and knowledge in you shines through your writing.
I have no doubt you will become a published writer one day.
Anyhoo,
once again I'm sorry for not just contacting you,with out anonymous labels to hide under, earlier. (I've wrote a few times on your formspring) I'm really too nervous for my own good sometimes. But I HAD to buy your zine and I'm so glad I did. Although, I do think you should have circled Burnt Hills instead of Schenectady ;).
I loved all the stats, some things were complete news to me. I always thought the United States was the greediest country but some of that was shocking.
I especially loved the bull ramming into the guy with the label "Karma" ♥. Humans really are gross sometimes.
Some of it made me really want to cry, especially realizing how hopeless humans are.
I really can't believe how other humans are willing to mug and rob each other. It's sad and it shows you what the U.S. is really full of. All people look out for is what they can get, how much money they have, and how badly they can screw each other over.
Bottom line though: You're amazing and I can't wait for your next zine. :)
Start a debate with me. Or say nice things. Whichever. I guess it's just good that I cause a reaction either way. It means I'm causing reactions in people's brains.