Really long update about my life lately
I thought that for once I should post a journal of my own, instead of just coming on reading everyone elses', not leaving a message and leaving.
Life has been....well what can I say....complicated? lately. I've told a few people bits and pieces of some of the things that are going on, but I haven't told anyone everything there is to say.
My summer started off pretty good....I had a job with my aunt doing errands and other random things. I got paid 10 dollars an hour, so that was pretty sweet. I only got to see Ashley one time over the whole summer. Never saw Lisa or Audrey. Did get a couple of awesome presents from her in the mail though. Thanks Lisa!!! I took my only math class I needed to take at ACC. So glad thats over....My grandpa came for a visit, and that was beyond fun!! I love him soo much and I wish I could see him more. But he lives in Virginia, with the rest of my mom's family. I really wish I could see them....funny I didn't really think I missed them all that much until I just wrote that down right now....
Anyways, back to my update...
I met a guy at the end of my summer.....about mid-July. His name's Jay. And I thought I was so lucky to have found a guy like Audrey, Kaylyn, Kelley and so many countless others. We hung out a few times, a couple at his apartment, once with Kaylyn when she went and got her tattoo, and a couple of times with Cadi-Ann at his apartment buildings pool. I thought I was happy with him, and wanted to be with him, and be "with" him. But I was wrong...I think. Well, first of all let me tell you we never had sex, we never even kissed. So put those fears to rest, if you had any like that. I started back up to school and I saw him prolly one or two more times. We talked all the time on myspace, thats where we met, and stuff was kinda cool, kinda not. He was apparently talking with Kaylyn a lot on AIM, asking her why I didn't want a relationship, and if it was him, and all that crap. I had told him right about when school started that I had decided that I didn't feel ready for a relationship, and after some convincing, we decided we would be friends and that he would "wait" for me to be ready. So things went on like that, us talking on myspace and AIM, and me getting more and more aggravated with him. He just kept being all clingy and whiny about me not wanting a relationship, and him promising that "he wasn't like other guys, when he said he'd do something, he would" and all that. Then the accident happened.
End of september, while I was at work, I was paying a lot of attention to what I was doing while I was driving on Lamar and I rear-ended a pickup truck. I was really shook up and depressed about what I had done to my car. So not feeling especially social, or even all that nice, I didn't really answer many messages on myspace, or even talk to a few people for awhile. The people I did talk to, I was completely fake with, nothing about them, just how I felt. I was not happy, I was not in a good mood at all. And towards the end of my "depression" I got a few messages from Jay sayin I was a jerk for not talking to him, hanging out with him anymore and the messages that I would write back to him were apparently only one word responses. So I called him a jerk back, because I was in no mindset to be badmouthed for my mood and how I was acting with people.
So I kind of made the concious decision during this whole exchange that I didn't really wanna be around him, or talk to him anymore. And I kind of told him that, sorta, in my own way. And after I told him that he didn't talk for a couple of days, and I thought that I had made a kind of clean break. Because I didn't need another drama filled friendship/relationship, like what I had had with Tanya. But then he sent me a message out of the blue sayin something like "i know if we were together we would be fighting all the time" and thats all....so I wrote him back sayin that I had a low tolerance for drama and to just spit out what he was trying to say to me. He wrote back two days sayin "i know i can be a jerk sometimes, i just wanted to know if we can be friends again". The thing is....I don't know. I really don't want to, but then I just don't want to end a kind of friendship that had just started. So right now I'm just thinking, and any kind of advice or help would be wonderful and I will love you forever!
P.S. I left out a bit of the "fight" conversation we were having, stuff about his friends and my friends. If you wanna know, I'll tell you. I just don't want to write it on herer, cuz thinking about it makes me all pissed off again.
On a kind of lighter note....I got a tattoo. My matching one with Kelley, a lightning bolt, it means wrath or anger or something like that. I really really love it and now I think I'm addicted. LOL.
And also on another note....I finally met Donny's friend Ashley, I think it is, and we ( meaning her me and Donny ) have hung out a couple of times. And to be honest I thought I wasn't going to like her, because frankly, sometimes I just really don't like any of Donny's friends are girls. But I really do like her!!! She's pretty awesome!!! And I really hope that I get to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show that will be performed at TSU and I hope her and Donny come down. That would be a whole lot lot of fun.
Well that felt good to get out. I'm sure I left something out. But I hope it wasn't all that important....
Life has been....well what can I say....complicated? lately. I've told a few people bits and pieces of some of the things that are going on, but I haven't told anyone everything there is to say.
My summer started off pretty good....I had a job with my aunt doing errands and other random things. I got paid 10 dollars an hour, so that was pretty sweet. I only got to see Ashley one time over the whole summer. Never saw Lisa or Audrey. Did get a couple of awesome presents from her in the mail though. Thanks Lisa!!! I took my only math class I needed to take at ACC. So glad thats over....My grandpa came for a visit, and that was beyond fun!! I love him soo much and I wish I could see him more. But he lives in Virginia, with the rest of my mom's family. I really wish I could see them....funny I didn't really think I missed them all that much until I just wrote that down right now....
Anyways, back to my update...
I met a guy at the end of my summer.....about mid-July. His name's Jay. And I thought I was so lucky to have found a guy like Audrey, Kaylyn, Kelley and so many countless others. We hung out a few times, a couple at his apartment, once with Kaylyn when she went and got her tattoo, and a couple of times with Cadi-Ann at his apartment buildings pool. I thought I was happy with him, and wanted to be with him, and be "with" him. But I was wrong...I think. Well, first of all let me tell you we never had sex, we never even kissed. So put those fears to rest, if you had any like that. I started back up to school and I saw him prolly one or two more times. We talked all the time on myspace, thats where we met, and stuff was kinda cool, kinda not. He was apparently talking with Kaylyn a lot on AIM, asking her why I didn't want a relationship, and if it was him, and all that crap. I had told him right about when school started that I had decided that I didn't feel ready for a relationship, and after some convincing, we decided we would be friends and that he would "wait" for me to be ready. So things went on like that, us talking on myspace and AIM, and me getting more and more aggravated with him. He just kept being all clingy and whiny about me not wanting a relationship, and him promising that "he wasn't like other guys, when he said he'd do something, he would" and all that. Then the accident happened.
End of september, while I was at work, I was paying a lot of attention to what I was doing while I was driving on Lamar and I rear-ended a pickup truck. I was really shook up and depressed about what I had done to my car. So not feeling especially social, or even all that nice, I didn't really answer many messages on myspace, or even talk to a few people for awhile. The people I did talk to, I was completely fake with, nothing about them, just how I felt. I was not happy, I was not in a good mood at all. And towards the end of my "depression" I got a few messages from Jay sayin I was a jerk for not talking to him, hanging out with him anymore and the messages that I would write back to him were apparently only one word responses. So I called him a jerk back, because I was in no mindset to be badmouthed for my mood and how I was acting with people.
So I kind of made the concious decision during this whole exchange that I didn't really wanna be around him, or talk to him anymore. And I kind of told him that, sorta, in my own way. And after I told him that he didn't talk for a couple of days, and I thought that I had made a kind of clean break. Because I didn't need another drama filled friendship/relationship, like what I had had with Tanya. But then he sent me a message out of the blue sayin something like "i know if we were together we would be fighting all the time" and thats all....so I wrote him back sayin that I had a low tolerance for drama and to just spit out what he was trying to say to me. He wrote back two days sayin "i know i can be a jerk sometimes, i just wanted to know if we can be friends again". The thing is....I don't know. I really don't want to, but then I just don't want to end a kind of friendship that had just started. So right now I'm just thinking, and any kind of advice or help would be wonderful and I will love you forever!
P.S. I left out a bit of the "fight" conversation we were having, stuff about his friends and my friends. If you wanna know, I'll tell you. I just don't want to write it on herer, cuz thinking about it makes me all pissed off again.
On a kind of lighter note....I got a tattoo. My matching one with Kelley, a lightning bolt, it means wrath or anger or something like that. I really really love it and now I think I'm addicted. LOL.
And also on another note....I finally met Donny's friend Ashley, I think it is, and we ( meaning her me and Donny ) have hung out a couple of times. And to be honest I thought I wasn't going to like her, because frankly, sometimes I just really don't like any of Donny's friends are girls. But I really do like her!!! She's pretty awesome!!! And I really hope that I get to go to the Rocky Horror Picture Show that will be performed at TSU and I hope her and Donny come down. That would be a whole lot lot of fun.
Well that felt good to get out. I'm sure I left something out. But I hope it wasn't all that important....