New HP shortfic [Heavy-ish HBP Spoilers]
So what was I doing while being stuck in endless queues enjoying the expo, and being stuck on unmoving trains coming back to my home that was thankfully intact from the earthquake?
Well, you leave a girl with *that* kind of canon and too much extra time on her hands, there's really only one thing she can do. So here's my very first HP fanfic. (Well, first one in English, anyway.) Slash, obviously.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Snape/Dumbledore
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Rowling owns everything. Blame her for the unhappy ending!
Dedication: For Suseri of CrazySexyCool, who is single-handedly responsible for my Snape/Dumbledore love. My condolences for the FC2 fiasco. . . And also for the latest book>_<; But please don't give up on us! After what happened in HBP, not to mention in OotP, your wonderful stories are now needed more than ever!
Notes: Er. . . Unbetaed. Spank me? (Seriously, I couldn't bring myself to ask for a beta on this one. If anybody could offer me help, I would be eternally grateful.) [ETA]Thank you so much, indywind, for your betaing help!
His Last Command
by Zerlina
'So maybe I don't want to do it anymore, maybe I've changed my mind!'
I sounded like a petulant child even to myself.
I hated him. I hated him for reducing me to this. I thought he was a manipulative bastard who took much too much for granted, and told him as much. He just looked at me with sad eyes.
'Severus. Please be reasonable.'
'Reasonable? You call this reasonable? How am I supposed to -- I -- you --'
I hated him for each breath he took, as it seemed to suffocate me, deprive me of my share of air, squeeze my lungs until they were turned inside out. His calm voice was maddening.
'You have already agreed to do it. You must know there is no other way.'
The worst thing was that it was true. There was no way out. I had made sure of that, I thought with bitter desperation.
'But --'
He silenced me with a hand on my shoulder, but then a kinder expression came into his eyes. He led me deeper into the forest, still talking in that gentle but firm tone.
'I'm sorry, Severus. But I must insist. You gave me your word that you would obey my order. That's really all there is to it.' He dropped his voice, 'I'm merely adding a request for you to act without my specific command, should it prove necessary; I'm giving it to you right now.'
I looked back at him, helpless. 'This you call reasonable?'
'Perfectly.'
He just didn't understand.
'Headmaster -- I can't. I just, I --'
'Severus.'
'Please. Had you any idea how cruel --'
'I do, Severus.'
'No, you don't,' I retorted in fury.
He opened his mouth to argue the point, and I covered it with mine, savagely, putting all of my deep secrets, my despicable emotions, into that one kiss. All my tenderness -- feelings I hardly remembered I still had. When I opened my eyes, I saw the shock in his. I am not an Occlumens to rival the Dark Lord for nothing.
When I grabbed his robes and deepened the kiss, however, he responded to me with a soft sigh. His tongue tentatively moved against mine, and the beautiful eyes fluttered closed. I grasped at him, clutching fabric and hair and beard, while my mouth clasped his as a dying man's would a goblet of potion.
Then we broke apart, and I stepped back.
'Severus.'
I refused to cry.
Righting my collar, I turned to go.
'Severus, please.'
I stopped in my tracks. I never could disobey that voice, not once. I didn't look at him as I said in a low mutter, 'I will do it, on one condition.'
He was silent. He didn't try to approach me or touch me, for which I was grateful.
'When this is over; when your Boy has triumphed, and the Dark Lord has ceased to be--' or vice versa, I thought, but didn't say aloud, '-- when I have served my purpose; I have your permission to join you.'
He didn't respond for a long minute. Then, softly, I heard, 'Yes.'
I nodded, and left his side.
*
Behind me, Potter is scrambling on the ground for his wand, screaming futile curses at me, Unforgivables and textbook hexes mixed in at random, some mere expletives.
Insufferable brat -- and such a child yet. My heart sinks anew at the ease with which he has let me thwart his attacks, and in despair I am telling myself it has all been for nothing, that I might as well just turn back, run back to his side and embrace his cooling corpse, and devil may care what happens.
But there is Draco to still consider, and so I run with all my might against the tide that threatens to consume me. The air seems to be trying to push me back towards the foot of the castle. Still, I run.
At the gate I catch up with Draco, who has waited for me behind the pillar. I scold him, but he doesn't seem to hear, too busy waving his wand at something behind my back. With a last screech it lets go of my wand hand, and I realise it has been Hagrid's old Hippogriff. I see my sleeve is torn.
I grab Draco's left arm and Apparate us both to the Malfoy Manor. For once he doesn't protest the patronizing gesture. Instead he turns and points his wand at my head and arms, interjecting his whispered incantations with a frantic 'Sir. Your wounds.'
I shake his shoulders to hold him still. Looking into his eyes, it becomes clear to me in an instant that there is no hope for him now. He has chosen his side; I was too late.
He doesn't close his mind to me. He doesn't even seem aware of my intrusion, as he stares back into my eyes, all thoughts blurred by concern.
'What's wrong, Sir? Why are you crying?'
Crying?
'Lacrimvictus,' I lie.
I see Narcissa darting towards us, stumbling through her garden. I cast a silent spell at my own eyes, while she reaches her son, clutching him in a tight embrace.
'Oh, thank you, Severus, thank you. . . '
I lead her and Draco to their own door. Once inside, we shall see whether her sentiments were not premature.
Under the settling armor of Occlumency, my mind is furtively flashing images of his last, faint smile. His eyes twinkling at me, as though I were about to gift him with a warm pair of socks.
I hate him. I hate him for every breath I take, every breath that keeps suffocating me, burning me from the inside out.
I school my mind for the final time as I place my hand on the heavily warded door. My heart is now blank and clear, devoid of all emotions.
(fin.)
Well, you leave a girl with *that* kind of canon and too much extra time on her hands, there's really only one thing she can do. So here's my very first HP fanfic. (Well, first one in English, anyway.) Slash, obviously.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing: Snape/Dumbledore
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Rowling owns everything. Blame her for the unhappy ending!
Dedication: For Suseri of CrazySexyCool, who is single-handedly responsible for my Snape/Dumbledore love. My condolences for the FC2 fiasco. . . And also for the latest book>_<; But please don't give up on us! After what happened in HBP, not to mention in OotP, your wonderful stories are now needed more than ever!
Notes: Er. . . Unbetaed. Spank me? (Seriously, I couldn't bring myself to ask for a beta on this one. If anybody could offer me help, I would be eternally grateful.) [ETA]Thank you so much, indywind, for your betaing help!
His Last Command
by Zerlina
'So maybe I don't want to do it anymore, maybe I've changed my mind!'
I sounded like a petulant child even to myself.
I hated him. I hated him for reducing me to this. I thought he was a manipulative bastard who took much too much for granted, and told him as much. He just looked at me with sad eyes.
'Severus. Please be reasonable.'
'Reasonable? You call this reasonable? How am I supposed to -- I -- you --'
I hated him for each breath he took, as it seemed to suffocate me, deprive me of my share of air, squeeze my lungs until they were turned inside out. His calm voice was maddening.
'You have already agreed to do it. You must know there is no other way.'
The worst thing was that it was true. There was no way out. I had made sure of that, I thought with bitter desperation.
'But --'
He silenced me with a hand on my shoulder, but then a kinder expression came into his eyes. He led me deeper into the forest, still talking in that gentle but firm tone.
'I'm sorry, Severus. But I must insist. You gave me your word that you would obey my order. That's really all there is to it.' He dropped his voice, 'I'm merely adding a request for you to act without my specific command, should it prove necessary; I'm giving it to you right now.'
I looked back at him, helpless. 'This you call reasonable?'
'Perfectly.'
He just didn't understand.
'Headmaster -- I can't. I just, I --'
'Severus.'
'Please. Had you any idea how cruel --'
'I do, Severus.'
'No, you don't,' I retorted in fury.
He opened his mouth to argue the point, and I covered it with mine, savagely, putting all of my deep secrets, my despicable emotions, into that one kiss. All my tenderness -- feelings I hardly remembered I still had. When I opened my eyes, I saw the shock in his. I am not an Occlumens to rival the Dark Lord for nothing.
When I grabbed his robes and deepened the kiss, however, he responded to me with a soft sigh. His tongue tentatively moved against mine, and the beautiful eyes fluttered closed. I grasped at him, clutching fabric and hair and beard, while my mouth clasped his as a dying man's would a goblet of potion.
Then we broke apart, and I stepped back.
'Severus.'
I refused to cry.
Righting my collar, I turned to go.
'Severus, please.'
I stopped in my tracks. I never could disobey that voice, not once. I didn't look at him as I said in a low mutter, 'I will do it, on one condition.'
He was silent. He didn't try to approach me or touch me, for which I was grateful.
'When this is over; when your Boy has triumphed, and the Dark Lord has ceased to be--' or vice versa, I thought, but didn't say aloud, '-- when I have served my purpose; I have your permission to join you.'
He didn't respond for a long minute. Then, softly, I heard, 'Yes.'
I nodded, and left his side.
*
Behind me, Potter is scrambling on the ground for his wand, screaming futile curses at me, Unforgivables and textbook hexes mixed in at random, some mere expletives.
Insufferable brat -- and such a child yet. My heart sinks anew at the ease with which he has let me thwart his attacks, and in despair I am telling myself it has all been for nothing, that I might as well just turn back, run back to his side and embrace his cooling corpse, and devil may care what happens.
But there is Draco to still consider, and so I run with all my might against the tide that threatens to consume me. The air seems to be trying to push me back towards the foot of the castle. Still, I run.
At the gate I catch up with Draco, who has waited for me behind the pillar. I scold him, but he doesn't seem to hear, too busy waving his wand at something behind my back. With a last screech it lets go of my wand hand, and I realise it has been Hagrid's old Hippogriff. I see my sleeve is torn.
I grab Draco's left arm and Apparate us both to the Malfoy Manor. For once he doesn't protest the patronizing gesture. Instead he turns and points his wand at my head and arms, interjecting his whispered incantations with a frantic 'Sir. Your wounds.'
I shake his shoulders to hold him still. Looking into his eyes, it becomes clear to me in an instant that there is no hope for him now. He has chosen his side; I was too late.
He doesn't close his mind to me. He doesn't even seem aware of my intrusion, as he stares back into my eyes, all thoughts blurred by concern.
'What's wrong, Sir? Why are you crying?'
Crying?
'Lacrimvictus,' I lie.
I see Narcissa darting towards us, stumbling through her garden. I cast a silent spell at my own eyes, while she reaches her son, clutching him in a tight embrace.
'Oh, thank you, Severus, thank you. . . '
I lead her and Draco to their own door. Once inside, we shall see whether her sentiments were not premature.
Under the settling armor of Occlumency, my mind is furtively flashing images of his last, faint smile. His eyes twinkling at me, as though I were about to gift him with a warm pair of socks.
I hate him. I hate him for every breath I take, every breath that keeps suffocating me, burning me from the inside out.
I school my mind for the final time as I place my hand on the heavily warded door. My heart is now blank and clear, devoid of all emotions.
(fin.)