(no subject)
...What we have is a strange friendship. I help her with stuff, vice-versa, and we have sex once in a while, but there's like... no emotional connection there, and it's kinda getting to the point where I want that back in my life. I have no real problems with the act of a one-night-stand or a friend with benefits, but I guess I'm at the point where I no longer want to FEEL alone, as well as not wanting to BE alone, if that makes any sense at all. It doesn't help that a lot of my friends have someone or another, and that every movie on the TV is like this... for example, I saw that movie with John Cusack and Jack Black, (High Fidelity? that it?), 10 things I hate about you, and a bunch of other crap, none of which comes to mind immediately, and every one of them ends with the subjects finding what could be approximated as "hollywood closure" where everyone is happy and whatnot. I know that's not how life works, but it still pisses me off.
Here's where the main roadblock manifests itself. I want a real relationship on some level... I'm no longer really happy with just "okay, lets do some housework and then have sex later in an emotionally sterile activity" anymore. I think that on some level, I do love her, but I just try to suppress it. The problem is that that "love" kinda prevents me or at least dissuades me from playing the field again, so to speak... I don't want to lose her, but I'm not happy with the way things are going on a broad level. I'm not really a fan of drama and fighting, which I have none of now, but I know those come with the territory in a relationship. Do I make any sense at all? I don't know.
Here's where the main roadblock manifests itself. I want a real relationship on some level... I'm no longer really happy with just "okay, lets do some housework and then have sex later in an emotionally sterile activity" anymore. I think that on some level, I do love her, but I just try to suppress it. The problem is that that "love" kinda prevents me or at least dissuades me from playing the field again, so to speak... I don't want to lose her, but I'm not happy with the way things are going on a broad level. I'm not really a fan of drama and fighting, which I have none of now, but I know those come with the territory in a relationship. Do I make any sense at all? I don't know.