tears through a smile
the last two weeks felt like another lifetime, within a world where i was allowed to detach myself from every one and everything, and ... just for a little while, be selfish, and spoil myself, revitalise my spirit, refill my confidence, and become one again with life - and fall in love again with the beauty of just being, just breathing.
now i have settled back into johannesburg...
they all looked at me with such strong eyes, confused with an odd mixture of shock and sympathy... their eyes so harmless, innocent and lovely, but when turned to you with a judgement beyond awareness - it is at this time that you feel that feeling once again..
I hate those eyes, eyes of such love, such comfort, covering your entire being with sugary sweetness of forced smiles... false honesty... they even know how to look within themselves, and lie, with an open mind, to their most inner truths.
this is how she feels, all the time, and this is what i understand ...
- she is but a child. the tears from her eyes tell me a story of an anger deep within her, with which she believes she was born, with which she believes she will die. an anger knotted into a complex web of infinate insecurities, and with her soft heart and strong mind, she allows the world's problems to break into her soul, and to find comfort in her kindness... the pain and the sorrow within her a secret she carries beneath her delighted brown eyes, hiding within the very dimples of her bright smile - always there to bring happiness to others.
she reminds me of myself, painfully, delightfully, strongly. she teaches me and allows me to grow, with her, once again...
a tiny little body, a graceful, strong little lady, this little angel of mine. she is a beautiful sunflower, her eyes bring a sense of safety to my lost soul, her smile and her crazy laugh allows my mind to relax, and meditate through a day of understanding and loving the small things in life. and most of all, it is in our sisterly love that we find the strength to create beautiful things, together, again, because no matter what you do, or how strange you may seem, in a sister's eyes, you are always a miracle.
and i speak to her, i advise her, i tell her stories, i try to help her, to save her from tears that i have felt. and with this knowledge, i realise that i am doing exactly what i am telling her not to do. and then i remember the confusion and the frustration i always felt when my mother, or my father, tried to teach me things, things quite opposite to the way they were living...the way they were behaving...
but love is always here, never to be lost in this family - no matter the loose ends, the broken hope, there is always love; an unconditional love - and truly so.
I have a few interviews lined up on Monday morning, through to the afternoon.
I feel like a good movie, but there hardly seems to be any lately. Recently there are just fast cars, women, money and more cars and more women and more money in the movies. I need to sit down with a good love story - that creates the laughter, tears, suspense and excitement... that leaves you inspired, thinking, imagining and creating, loving and smiling, crying and understanding, wondering and appreciating, learning and stimulated.
now i have settled back into johannesburg...
they all looked at me with such strong eyes, confused with an odd mixture of shock and sympathy... their eyes so harmless, innocent and lovely, but when turned to you with a judgement beyond awareness - it is at this time that you feel that feeling once again..
I hate those eyes, eyes of such love, such comfort, covering your entire being with sugary sweetness of forced smiles... false honesty... they even know how to look within themselves, and lie, with an open mind, to their most inner truths.
this is how she feels, all the time, and this is what i understand ...
- she is but a child. the tears from her eyes tell me a story of an anger deep within her, with which she believes she was born, with which she believes she will die. an anger knotted into a complex web of infinate insecurities, and with her soft heart and strong mind, she allows the world's problems to break into her soul, and to find comfort in her kindness... the pain and the sorrow within her a secret she carries beneath her delighted brown eyes, hiding within the very dimples of her bright smile - always there to bring happiness to others.
she reminds me of myself, painfully, delightfully, strongly. she teaches me and allows me to grow, with her, once again...
a tiny little body, a graceful, strong little lady, this little angel of mine. she is a beautiful sunflower, her eyes bring a sense of safety to my lost soul, her smile and her crazy laugh allows my mind to relax, and meditate through a day of understanding and loving the small things in life. and most of all, it is in our sisterly love that we find the strength to create beautiful things, together, again, because no matter what you do, or how strange you may seem, in a sister's eyes, you are always a miracle.
and i speak to her, i advise her, i tell her stories, i try to help her, to save her from tears that i have felt. and with this knowledge, i realise that i am doing exactly what i am telling her not to do. and then i remember the confusion and the frustration i always felt when my mother, or my father, tried to teach me things, things quite opposite to the way they were living...the way they were behaving...
but love is always here, never to be lost in this family - no matter the loose ends, the broken hope, there is always love; an unconditional love - and truly so.
I have a few interviews lined up on Monday morning, through to the afternoon.
I feel like a good movie, but there hardly seems to be any lately. Recently there are just fast cars, women, money and more cars and more women and more money in the movies. I need to sit down with a good love story - that creates the laughter, tears, suspense and excitement... that leaves you inspired, thinking, imagining and creating, loving and smiling, crying and understanding, wondering and appreciating, learning and stimulated.