Midterm Massacre
With the good comes the bad. I've decided that this is always an understood inevitability. Things can be going absolutely perfect, and then without warning, there will be a shift and everything will change. It's unavoidable and I've been it's victim multiple times. Yesterday was perfect. I was jumping around, screaming out of sheer contentment and in a great mood. After this morning, panic has taken over. Where happiness was, fear, dread, nervousness, even nausea has taken over and I've yet to see it fade with the exception of when I was reading the writing of a close friend's.
I read the book last night. Had it memorized, every event commited to memory. I knew it front and back as well as I know the curves of that man's face. I went to bed earlier than I have since I was bed ridden and recovering from surgery. All with the intent, the obligation to wake up early and step into a classroom to take a test that would decide the letter that would be bestowed upon me, that would ultimately lead to every boss's judgement of me in the future, every professor's opinion of me. Yet, I woke up, not to the incessant annoying pitch and frequency of my alarm clock, but to the overwhelming sense of dread that came with realizing that I'd woken up late. That I'd slept through that test, and that it was quite possible that I would not be able to make it up. My favorite class, the one class that I could pass with ease, and I slept through it. Completely unintentionally and with little to no hope of being able to make it up. If my professor is not disappointed in me, it will be a surprise as the amount of shame and disappointment I have by myself at this moment is insurmountable. Almost unimaginable and I can not find the words to describe how horrible I feel.
To add insult to injury and make myself that much more aware of my mistakes, I went to my one remaining class. The one in which the professor, who has a certain "air" about him which makes it physically impossible to sit within five feet of the man, rambles on and on about proper techniques when writing up a resume and the like. Leaving that classroom, the professor from the Midterm Massacre walks by, nodding and barely acknowledging my presence as I stood, dumbfounded, while my Newspaper advisor tells me of my interview today at 2. The good mixes with the bad and my nervousness mounts. I have never felt so elated and so ashamed at the same time, nervous about both, shaking due to extreme disappointment.
I'll go to my interview today. I'll smile pretty, get dressed up, and with any luck, invariably wow and impress my interviewer, sealing the deal and gaining myself the position I so crave. But it will be bittersweet as such things are when disappointment inevitably overthrows happiness and all I can think about is how I've messed up. With any luck, the man will have pity on me, let me take a retake and make up for my extended hibernation. Here's hoping.
"Here's lookin' at you, kid."
~Amy~