"For too long now, there were secrets in my mind..."
I wasn't meaning to post THAT early, but I felt I really need to get all this outta my chest! It concerns my sissy, in fact. My mum got angry and almost fainted when she learnt that my sissy's lover is unemployed. "I've spent all my money trying to educate you and now you lay your eyes on someone who is inferior than you?" My mum stormed off. "I had looked up to you and now you deeply disappoint me." All this gave me the hard time, as I've been smoking a pack now, plus the fact that my mum pretended she was ill today! When my mum asked me why I didn't tell her, I replied: "I had told her that this was not OK, but she's 25, she's responsible for herself, so I don't give a fuck!" And I certainly do not give a penny about it. Here is why...
Well, I've been detached from my family a lot lately, as I feel like exploring myself more, the future possibilities, my friends and my personal (not family) issues. I love my mum, though she's really acting up at times it gets on my nerves! My dad has started being careless due to his drink intake and that's why he almost got his car crashed many times! I really wanna get away from any ho,me issues, that's why I go out much or, when at home, I spend my whole time on the computer! I don't know if it's bad or not, but sometimes I'd rather not get involved in any conflicts, as I've passed a lot of emotional turbulence the past year, starting by my friend's tragic suicide, being continued by my grandpa's death, and 2 bad relationships that let me emotionally hurt. And now this family issue tries to get me stressed even more. I don't know if now my mum is really sick or not, as I'm not sure whether I should believe her or not. I try to shut my fucking ears out of all this mayhem, but it's hard. I really am afraid that my mum wants my sissy (and maybe me) unmarried so as to cater her ALL THE TIME when she gets old and feigns illnesses!) And now another cig is on the way...
Now my sissy loves him, but as she sees that mum acts like that she doesn't know whether she should continue or not. Hmm....
On top of it all, I feel like crying as I'm in such a fucking mess! I don't know what the hell I should do and I start feeling my mum as an enemy because she acts like that! I really wanna travel abroad, so as not to give a penny about my family. It was very early when I started feeling discontent towards this. I'd rather be alone, I'm serious...
And now the Deep Purple song Fools sprang onto the radio. Very rare occurance, as this song was not the most commercial, but it's really philosophical...
...I died as I lived as I loved and was born
On some distant hill
The reasons to hide were the reasons I cried
The fools pass laughing still...
Well, I've been detached from my family a lot lately, as I feel like exploring myself more, the future possibilities, my friends and my personal (not family) issues. I love my mum, though she's really acting up at times it gets on my nerves! My dad has started being careless due to his drink intake and that's why he almost got his car crashed many times! I really wanna get away from any ho,me issues, that's why I go out much or, when at home, I spend my whole time on the computer! I don't know if it's bad or not, but sometimes I'd rather not get involved in any conflicts, as I've passed a lot of emotional turbulence the past year, starting by my friend's tragic suicide, being continued by my grandpa's death, and 2 bad relationships that let me emotionally hurt. And now this family issue tries to get me stressed even more. I don't know if now my mum is really sick or not, as I'm not sure whether I should believe her or not. I try to shut my fucking ears out of all this mayhem, but it's hard. I really am afraid that my mum wants my sissy (and maybe me) unmarried so as to cater her ALL THE TIME when she gets old and feigns illnesses!) And now another cig is on the way...
Now my sissy loves him, but as she sees that mum acts like that she doesn't know whether she should continue or not. Hmm....
On top of it all, I feel like crying as I'm in such a fucking mess! I don't know what the hell I should do and I start feeling my mum as an enemy because she acts like that! I really wanna travel abroad, so as not to give a penny about my family. It was very early when I started feeling discontent towards this. I'd rather be alone, I'm serious...
And now the Deep Purple song Fools sprang onto the radio. Very rare occurance, as this song was not the most commercial, but it's really philosophical...
...I died as I lived as I loved and was born
On some distant hill
The reasons to hide were the reasons I cried
The fools pass laughing still...