how to
How to (or at least, how it is for me): Exacerbate your insomnia.
1. Chainsmoke. What's funny about cigarettes, is that because I'm addicted to nicotine, when I smoke, I feel relaxed mentally. However, though I don't know exactly what it IS in cigarettes that makes them stimulants, they are. It's either the tobacco, or the nicotine, or one of the various cancer-causing agents. Maybe the rat poison, who knows. Either way, it's funny -- what I do to relax just makes my body work faster.
2. Masturbate. It would seem that getting off would instantly put one to sleep. Apparently not when you're a nymphomaniac. And apparently I am one, because I've masturbated 4 times since my boyfriend fell asleep, after he got me off twice, and it's 2:44 AM. I'm wide awake.
3. Purposely agonize over why your boyfriend's still your boyfriend. Oh yeah... didn't we break up for the 50th time last week? Why the fuck is he still my boyfriend... or why is he my boyfriend again?
4. Get undressed and get in bed and try to sleep. It's not even worth trying. This keeps me up more than anything, though it seems like the logical thing to do when trying to sleep
5. In an attempt to amuse yourself so you get in a better mood, look up weird, disturbing things on the internet. While fun in the daytime, as I'm always up for weird and disturbing anything, I never remember that I just scare the shit out of myself when I do that at 3 AM. I don't want to go to sleep because I'm afraid I'll have a nightmare. Playing that game (and yes, this absolutely exists) where you can create a supervirus and wipe out the world's population for an hour and THEN trying to sleep... no.
And there you have it.
Excuse me while I go hit myself in the face with a brick.
Next week:
How to: Pretend you don't exist.
1. Chainsmoke. What's funny about cigarettes, is that because I'm addicted to nicotine, when I smoke, I feel relaxed mentally. However, though I don't know exactly what it IS in cigarettes that makes them stimulants, they are. It's either the tobacco, or the nicotine, or one of the various cancer-causing agents. Maybe the rat poison, who knows. Either way, it's funny -- what I do to relax just makes my body work faster.
2. Masturbate. It would seem that getting off would instantly put one to sleep. Apparently not when you're a nymphomaniac. And apparently I am one, because I've masturbated 4 times since my boyfriend fell asleep, after he got me off twice, and it's 2:44 AM. I'm wide awake.
3. Purposely agonize over why your boyfriend's still your boyfriend. Oh yeah... didn't we break up for the 50th time last week? Why the fuck is he still my boyfriend... or why is he my boyfriend again?
4. Get undressed and get in bed and try to sleep. It's not even worth trying. This keeps me up more than anything, though it seems like the logical thing to do when trying to sleep
5. In an attempt to amuse yourself so you get in a better mood, look up weird, disturbing things on the internet. While fun in the daytime, as I'm always up for weird and disturbing anything, I never remember that I just scare the shit out of myself when I do that at 3 AM. I don't want to go to sleep because I'm afraid I'll have a nightmare. Playing that game (and yes, this absolutely exists) where you can create a supervirus and wipe out the world's population for an hour and THEN trying to sleep... no.
And there you have it.
Excuse me while I go hit myself in the face with a brick.
Next week:
How to: Pretend you don't exist.