(no subject)
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. well i won't be talking or seeing anybody in a REALLY long time.. My dad found out about everything. He found out about me seeing gustavo at my aunts, where i'm NEVER allowed again and thats like the only place i can make cash or see my love, and grounded from seeing/talking to me bestfriend in the whole world. Without these too things it's very hard for me to be motivated to do ANYTHING. I'm not allowed on the phone or the computer (i came on now on my dads since he just left) or anything. All ive been doing is sleeping or lying in my bed because id rather be asleep than be living in my dads bullshit. You have no idea the shit i got from my dad, grounding hurt, but what he said to me is way worse than anything. You'd think he'd realize that i'd stop at NOTHING to see and be with gustavo and try to compromise but no, he'd rather make my life shit, and take away the one thing that truly makes me happy, for no reason at all. More than anything i think my dad is the most horrible person on earth, not because what he does to me but for who he is. He has this sort of god-complex where he shuts everyone out and thinks because he has a deep southern accent and a crappy life, he's all knowing. He sees me and my sisters as a little project for him, he wants to fix us because he couldn't fix my mom or his real daughters, or the children and adults he mentored and preached to as a reverend. I can see it's tearing him apart and he's extremely ill and i honestly think he's going to be put out soon, so he should be trying to make his peace with me and my sisters instead of making us hate him. I know he's not a totally bad guy but what he does is wrong and he needs to stop trying to fix somethings that aren't even broken. I really don't know what to do, i have NEVER felt this low about myself ever before, and i really really cant be grounded, not now when i have to be there pushing and motivating gustavo. My christmas is pretty much ruined. Well i pretty much wrote an essay but it was pretty much for gustvo to read since i can't talk to him so he knows whats going on. Alysa you're the greatest person ever and i love you. I love you too gustavo and fuckin nothing will stop be from being with you.