On crying and video games
I haven't cried over anything like a video game before, but tonight seems like a good time to start.
I've never felt too much worry over losing anything in Eve, because it's always been my own ships. But today I was commanding, and my friend Siigari Kitawa was taking his 800 mill (over $150 worth of isk) along, and he died. The isk for that ship was his all.
Not only did he die, but he died entirely because of me. It's a tactic I've used a few hundred times before: undock an expensive ship, let them start firing, then jump them with a large gang. But this isn't the elite and hardcore alliance that I'd left a month ago. This is faction warfare, that I joined because I wanted to slaughter noobs like a scythe through hay. And this time around the fifteen ships behind me were all those noobs.
We sprung the trap, and I don't even know why I would have sent Siigari's Navy Megathron up against four battleships (a Navy Mega has about 5% better stats than a standard battleship) in the first place. But then once the trap was sprung and I gave the order to get to him, everything fell apart. I was used to having at my back a gang of Viper Squad in battleships and heavy assault cruisers who knew what to do. What I got was fifteen noobs, confused, all talking at once, me screaming over them, repeating my orders over and over and over again. And they got it, all at different times, and a stream of cruisers, frigates and destroyers, newb, paper thin, worthless-for-damage and *UTTERLY* worthless against a battleship, ships arrived on the scene single file and were killed one by one as they appeared. They did nothing.
I was the 1st to arrive on the scene (and had the 2nd most expensive ship in the fleet: 200 mill, with 3rd place flying a 25 mill ship and a sharp tail down to the majority in 500k ones), and managed to dodge away from fire while shooting as I watched the 14 other pilots of my fleet arrive one by one.
Siigari's yelling for help all the while as there's a constant stream of explosions from my fleet's paper thin ships blowing up before they can even put a dent in the single battleship I called target on. Eventually I get snuck up on, held down and ripped to shreds too, and the last few minutes was Siigari's ship, 800 mill that most Eve players won't see in their entire life, and his entire financial worth in game, sitting alone in space, outmatched and ripped to shreds and he's screaming over voice the whole time, yelling and you can hear the panic in his voice, and the dead silence after the ship's gone up in flames.
And that was my call. I said those words that sent my friend's ship up in flames in a hopeless fight.
Ten or fifteen minutes more of going through the motions of disbanding the fleet (4 of the 12 other pilots hadn't even BEEN ON THE BATTLEFIELD). I swore to him I'd get him the money back for that ship and that he shouldn't DARE refuse, and then...
I just collapsed on my bed and let it go.
I don't think I've cried so hard in years.
That was about an hour ago now. I think I feel a bit better now, but I need to go to bed.
I feel sick.
I've never felt too much worry over losing anything in Eve, because it's always been my own ships. But today I was commanding, and my friend Siigari Kitawa was taking his 800 mill (over $150 worth of isk) along, and he died. The isk for that ship was his all.
Not only did he die, but he died entirely because of me. It's a tactic I've used a few hundred times before: undock an expensive ship, let them start firing, then jump them with a large gang. But this isn't the elite and hardcore alliance that I'd left a month ago. This is faction warfare, that I joined because I wanted to slaughter noobs like a scythe through hay. And this time around the fifteen ships behind me were all those noobs.
We sprung the trap, and I don't even know why I would have sent Siigari's Navy Megathron up against four battleships (a Navy Mega has about 5% better stats than a standard battleship) in the first place. But then once the trap was sprung and I gave the order to get to him, everything fell apart. I was used to having at my back a gang of Viper Squad in battleships and heavy assault cruisers who knew what to do. What I got was fifteen noobs, confused, all talking at once, me screaming over them, repeating my orders over and over and over again. And they got it, all at different times, and a stream of cruisers, frigates and destroyers, newb, paper thin, worthless-for-damage and *UTTERLY* worthless against a battleship, ships arrived on the scene single file and were killed one by one as they appeared. They did nothing.
I was the 1st to arrive on the scene (and had the 2nd most expensive ship in the fleet: 200 mill, with 3rd place flying a 25 mill ship and a sharp tail down to the majority in 500k ones), and managed to dodge away from fire while shooting as I watched the 14 other pilots of my fleet arrive one by one.
Siigari's yelling for help all the while as there's a constant stream of explosions from my fleet's paper thin ships blowing up before they can even put a dent in the single battleship I called target on. Eventually I get snuck up on, held down and ripped to shreds too, and the last few minutes was Siigari's ship, 800 mill that most Eve players won't see in their entire life, and his entire financial worth in game, sitting alone in space, outmatched and ripped to shreds and he's screaming over voice the whole time, yelling and you can hear the panic in his voice, and the dead silence after the ship's gone up in flames.
And that was my call. I said those words that sent my friend's ship up in flames in a hopeless fight.
Ten or fifteen minutes more of going through the motions of disbanding the fleet (4 of the 12 other pilots hadn't even BEEN ON THE BATTLEFIELD). I swore to him I'd get him the money back for that ship and that he shouldn't DARE refuse, and then...
I just collapsed on my bed and let it go.
I don't think I've cried so hard in years.
That was about an hour ago now. I think I feel a bit better now, but I need to go to bed.
I feel sick.