(no subject)
wow. so i haven't written in that long.
maybe cause everything is messed up and
i've just given up on explaining myself
to other people because it's just not
worth it to me anymore.
the lies.
the truths.
and the scary scary facts.
i'm on my way back from my annual
trip to alabama, (henegar, ider,
and anniston). and i cried when i
left camp on friday. that's not a
lie. and the truth is, if i could
spend my whole vacation there,
singing my heart out and my voice
away, i would. there would be no
second thoughts about that. the
scary scary facts are that i don't
know how things are going to be when
i get home. the lies are getting to
me and i'm scared i don't know the
facts. it's funny how i forget how
good of friends i have in the south.
how hard i laugh and how much i love
listening to their silly antics and
crazy accents that at times make
communication almost impossible.
i forget how i can be myself and not
realy worry about how other people
are viewing me because it's like now
after 3 years with these wonderful
people, i know that they care about me
as much as i care about them.
as for the man that i love that
i left at home to work and play
for 11 days while i went to the south.
i don't know where else to put all
this down because i can't deal and
because i don't know what to do. the
seeming double standards and lies are
making me crazy. while the love makes me
so blind. scared of the truth. whatever
it may be, because it may make me stronger,
or wiser, or more of a person, because if i
knew the truth, then i would probably die.
i guess that's just a theory, but i think
when you really know the truth about how
things are, then you die, because all of
life is just a puzzle, and the truth is
hidden until our last breath.
i love him only,
but i need a sign.
maybe cause everything is messed up and
i've just given up on explaining myself
to other people because it's just not
worth it to me anymore.
the lies.
the truths.
and the scary scary facts.
i'm on my way back from my annual
trip to alabama, (henegar, ider,
and anniston). and i cried when i
left camp on friday. that's not a
lie. and the truth is, if i could
spend my whole vacation there,
singing my heart out and my voice
away, i would. there would be no
second thoughts about that. the
scary scary facts are that i don't
know how things are going to be when
i get home. the lies are getting to
me and i'm scared i don't know the
facts. it's funny how i forget how
good of friends i have in the south.
how hard i laugh and how much i love
listening to their silly antics and
crazy accents that at times make
communication almost impossible.
i forget how i can be myself and not
realy worry about how other people
are viewing me because it's like now
after 3 years with these wonderful
people, i know that they care about me
as much as i care about them.
as for the man that i love that
i left at home to work and play
for 11 days while i went to the south.
i don't know where else to put all
this down because i can't deal and
because i don't know what to do. the
seeming double standards and lies are
making me crazy. while the love makes me
so blind. scared of the truth. whatever
it may be, because it may make me stronger,
or wiser, or more of a person, because if i
knew the truth, then i would probably die.
i guess that's just a theory, but i think
when you really know the truth about how
things are, then you die, because all of
life is just a puzzle, and the truth is
hidden until our last breath.
i love him only,
but i need a sign.