Hmmm....

Aug 15, 2008 02:27

For someone who doesn't quite fit in anywhere, I suppose the hardest thing in life is trying to find someone to be happy with. I hang out with a lot of chinese people lately. They are all very hyped up about the olympics. It can get a little frustrating listening to them complain about the americans in general. I mean, yes I am chinese, but america is all I know.

Then theres trying to find someone who is willing to understand me. The me that is not quite american and not quite chinese. The me that has taken the scenic route in life. In the end its all about the journey is it not?

I find myself open to relationships and finding none comes my way. I suppose my exes' probably feel pretty good about that seeing as they left me ha ha? It does always come down to me thinking about one particular person in my past. I guess as I type this she will probably read it some day. I am not lenient to really care. There is no way in hell we could ever work out right now, and thats really all about me. I am just not at the point of my life to give her what she wants. The saddest thing is, I am running as fast as I can to catch up and even if I did, she is bound to find someone else and even if she doesn't I don't see how she would even consider giving me another go. Even if she did give me another go I don't even see how it could possibly work.

So, I am back to my all important hunt of trying to find somewhere to rest my heart. Everyone has had their own pains and difficulties in life and I am well aware of that. I just want to be selfish a bit here and say my heart.... IT IS FUCKING TIRED. I mean I have had to endure so much by myself. Everytime I hit rock bottom, I just keep on walking. I figure as long as I keep on walking I will eventually end up where I want to be.

Mostly just ranting now I guess. I see the girls that I am attracted to fall for my friends and I wonder to myself what is really so bad about me. I guess it is just what it is.
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