Confused Ramble
So I was a creepy little stalker tonight. I was just bored and I went a bunch of my LJ friends archives. I read some of their oldest posts, many of them before we were friends. I know it sounds wierd, but it was nice to see sides of these people I hadn't seen before. Sometimes I get bored and read my old ones and its crazy to think about how much I have changed in the past few years.
On another note, I'm ready to go home. I have loved this past semester and I have grown so much, but I'm ready to be home now. Everyone is getting really pissy and frankly I'm sick of dealing with it. Girls start stupid drama, and boys act like assholes. I have a feeling this post is about to get a lot longer... I'm in a really bad mood... again.
So I go on and on about how much I've grown this past year, and I truly believe that, but I also worry that I have fallen back in some areas. Sometimes I'll be having a conversation with someone and something will come out of my mouth and it's like "did i just say that?!" Sometimes I put forth this image like I am this mad crazy partier, which I can look like in comparison to lots of kids here, but im really nto as crazy as i sound. I think i do it because it's not like i want to act badass or brag about what i do, but i think its more me trying to convince myself and everyone around me that i am confident with my decisions. Who am i kidding though? I am one of the least confident people i know.
Confidence. It something i totally lack, but try to completely front like i have. people think im stuck up or i think im hot shit, but honestly I am so shy and self concious. i shoudlnt be revealing my secrets like this... oh well, it's just you guys.
I just need to be back with the people I'm comfortable around, so I can act like myself. Tonight is just one of those nights i think. yea, when i think... way too much. i am all jumble-fucked right now and i have no idea why. what am i so worked up about? its liek my hands cant keep up with my head. i am not even bthering to capitolize, and fuck spell check. i have so many questions right now...
Am I a bitch? Am i a good friend? Am I superficial? Am I a slut? Does anyone know the real me? Do I know the real me? Have I really accepted God into my life enough? Do I drink too much? Am I stupid? Did I fail my finals? What am I doing with my life? Do I really want to go to Italy? Am I in love? Am I happy? Will I end up okay? Is God trying to tell me something? What do people really think about me? If they knew more about me would they think the same? What the hell do i want!?
God, please give me some answers
On another note, I'm ready to go home. I have loved this past semester and I have grown so much, but I'm ready to be home now. Everyone is getting really pissy and frankly I'm sick of dealing with it. Girls start stupid drama, and boys act like assholes. I have a feeling this post is about to get a lot longer... I'm in a really bad mood... again.
So I go on and on about how much I've grown this past year, and I truly believe that, but I also worry that I have fallen back in some areas. Sometimes I'll be having a conversation with someone and something will come out of my mouth and it's like "did i just say that?!" Sometimes I put forth this image like I am this mad crazy partier, which I can look like in comparison to lots of kids here, but im really nto as crazy as i sound. I think i do it because it's not like i want to act badass or brag about what i do, but i think its more me trying to convince myself and everyone around me that i am confident with my decisions. Who am i kidding though? I am one of the least confident people i know.
Confidence. It something i totally lack, but try to completely front like i have. people think im stuck up or i think im hot shit, but honestly I am so shy and self concious. i shoudlnt be revealing my secrets like this... oh well, it's just you guys.
I just need to be back with the people I'm comfortable around, so I can act like myself. Tonight is just one of those nights i think. yea, when i think... way too much. i am all jumble-fucked right now and i have no idea why. what am i so worked up about? its liek my hands cant keep up with my head. i am not even bthering to capitolize, and fuck spell check. i have so many questions right now...
Am I a bitch? Am i a good friend? Am I superficial? Am I a slut? Does anyone know the real me? Do I know the real me? Have I really accepted God into my life enough? Do I drink too much? Am I stupid? Did I fail my finals? What am I doing with my life? Do I really want to go to Italy? Am I in love? Am I happy? Will I end up okay? Is God trying to tell me something? What do people really think about me? If they knew more about me would they think the same? What the hell do i want!?
God, please give me some answers