Pardon Me...
while i burst into flames...j/k...so yeah today was another thrilling romp of teenage drama and recklessness. my life is so fullfilled, i woke up at 7pm (rockstar lifestyle? i wish). my friend comes over, after having a terrible night with his gf. we both feel like were in our own seperate holes, and sadly our problems dont relate. im honestly not shure if i relate to anyone really. im a good guy, but too often i find myself questioning who i am. i really feel alone, and im not good alone. this is that point in life where i realize that growing up as fast as i did was a mistake. i should be partying and enjoying life right now, instead i question and analyse the hell out of it. do i like being as analytical as i am? at times yeah i do, at others not at all. i like being able to see things, and take things to heart. but i hate the fact that i cant seperate it and find time to enjoy myself. ive been questioning my music too now, the very thing that has kept me here. i dont feel adaquate to other musicians, like im always a few steps behind. it was so much easier when i was in my band, but sadly i cant find ne one to work with. i miss the feeling of being wanted as well. thats the biggest thing i long for, having someone that actually wants my company. as crazy as my ex was i still loved hearing..."how was your day sweety?". then i think what do i have to give to someone else at this point. i live at home, i dont drive, i dont make enough money. what i do have to give however is my heart and my time. i grow restless being up all hours of the night alone. most of the advice ive gotten has been, "itll happen for ya, ur a good guy just give it time". this whole good guy thing is making my ears bleed. i just wish to be happy, but sadly wishes cant be bought online...