Ao ~Blue~
Title : Ao ~Blue~
Part 7 - Thank You
Author :
zeon_avalanthe
Rating : PG-13
Genre : AU ; Angst
Pairing : YutoYama [from now on, I'm going to use this call for this pairing.. >,< ]
Disclaimer : Everyone knows that I don't own any of those boys, sadly..
Summary : Ever since he was a little child, he had always loved the stars.. Ever since he was a little child, he had always wanted to be a star.. But as he grew up, big and famous and at the top -finally a star- he wished that he never wished to be star since the very beginning..
Author's Note : The song used here is Secret Base ~Kimi Ga Kureta Mono~ (10 Years After Version) from the saddest Anime ever, AnoHana (in which Yama-chan's name is mentioned briefly by the way)
Ao ~Blue~
Part 7 - Thank You
"I finally remember." Ryosuke suddenly said, breaking the silence and surprised the other occupants of the room. "Of the things I have selfishly forgotten before."
They are now huddling together inside their practice room, with Ryosuke in the middle of them, body clad with a thin blanket they found in the storage. Ryosuke smiled as the others looked up expectantly at him.
"And perhaps, I now knew that the reason of my lost memories was because a part of me wanted to forget it." He looked down, avoiding eye-contacts with everyone. "This entertainment life has been rough for me lately. With the never-ending workloads, I thought that I could make everyone happy by doing my best in everything I do, no matter how hard it was. But then, it seemed that I have been mistaken."
He closed his eyes, as once again disturbing images started to appearing before him.
"Instead, the people became to hate me because they thought I had 'stolen' too many spots which should be belong to the rest of you. I tried to ignore it at first, but the hateful words kept on increasing each day, and I just can't take it anymore. I had always dreamt to became a star, but now that I'm actually became one, I found myself hating it. 'I wish that I was never a star' was what I thought that day the accident happened. And perhaps, God had heard my prayers and granted it, because after that accident, I was no longer a star, in a way."
He chuckled as he remembered that day.
"I guess that was the reason I couldn't remember you because you were a part of the world I came to hate." He smiled bitterly as he looked away. "It was selfish of me, but now that I remember, I wish that I remained amnesiac. Because by doing so, I could escape the harsh reality and be oblivious of the pain I used to feel. That's why-"
Ryosuke hesitated. He took a glance to where Yuto stood not too far from him. He saw the boy looking back at him with reassuring look, a soft smile framing his gentle face. And so he took a deep breath.
"That's why I thought that I'd rather die than remembering when I tried to jump from this building." He sighed, at the same time hearing the many gasps coming from the people around him.
"Yama-chan !" Came a warning voice of Yabu.
"I know it was stupid." He gave a small smile. "That it was only an impulse in a spur moment. And I could only thanked Yuto-kun for coming at the right time and saved me. I've come to realized that death won't erase the pain and would only add the misery, that's why I gave up on the idea."
A collected sigh of relief could be heard inside the small room.
"But the fact that many people hate me still remains." Ryosuke continued. "That's why, I think it is best for me to quit this life for once and for all. I love to be with you and doing lots of things together with you guys, but I don't think I can move forward like this. After all, I'm afraid of hearing the hateful words all over again. And I don't want to steal what ought to be yours more than this. That's why, eventhough it's hard for me, I've decided to resign from Johnny's, and lead a normal life from now on. Away from the entertainment world."
For a moment, no one said a thing. And none brave enough to break the silence. That is until a certain squirrel boy spoke up.
"Silly Ryosuke."
The said boy looked up and stared at his caller in confusion.
"Chinen ?"
"Why do you have to think so negatively ?" The younger boy sighed. "You're not the only one who got those mistreatment from people, you know. We all do. It's a consequence we have to face once we entered this world. And we -that including you- all knew from the start of what kind of harsh world we will be having."
Ryosuke said nothing as he just stared in confusion toward the shorter boy.
"But didn't we promised that we will always be there for each other through the goods and the bads ? Didn't we vowed to protect each other from any kind of danger ? Didn't we agreed to share each other's sorrows and miseries to be shouldered together ?" The boy looked at him with a dead-serious eyes.
"I don't-"
"I thought our bond was strong enough for us to understand each other without us having to tell a single word, Ryosuke." The boy cut him off. "You told me that once, remember ?"
Ryosuke widened his eyes, taken aback by the sudden outburst.
"Or perhaps, your subconsciousness had gave up on that bond too and decided to forget everything we'd shared ?" A dangerous glint flashed before Chinen's eyes. "If that's the case, then I will say it over and over again to regain that lost memory ! I will remind you every single second so that the words will be implanted in your brain for you to never forget ! If those won't work, then I will personally dig a hole on your head to forced it out on you !"
Ryosuke took a few steps back, overwhelmed by the younger boy's rage.
"Chinen, I-"
"Aren't we family ?"
Chinen looked up, and his eyes met Ryosuke's. And in an instant, Ryosuke felt like his life being replayed right before his eyes. The day he got accepted to Johnny's.. The excitement of coming to his first practice session.. His first time dancing in front of the camera.. His first role in a drama.. Their debut day.. Their first concert.. Running through the stages.. Singing in front of the fans.. Dancing to his heart-content.. Their first album.. The despair of losing Ryutaro.. Their first Asia's tour.. His solo single.. His doubts.. A comforting pat on his back.. Reassuring and encouraging words.. Their struggles to reach the top.. Their endless efforts to be the best.. And then, he broke down.
Ryosuke fell to his knees and cried. He didn't even try to conceal his voice and wailed.
"Yama-chan.."
A worried and concerned Yuto appeared in front of him and he quickly throw himself to the taller's chest. All these times, he only thought about his own pain, forgetting that he has people he could trust his secrets onto. He forgot about the good times and drowned himself in agony. He distanced himself from the people who had always gave him a shoulder to lean on and would always support him against all odds. He strained their bond and he felt ashamed of all those. Knowing nothing to do, Ryosuke just cried and cried and cried until he got tired of it. And when he finally do, he pulled out from Yuto's embrace and smiled weakly.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't mind it." Yuto said gently as he wiped the remnants of tears from his face.
"No, it's not that." Ryosuke shook his head. "I'm sorry." He hung his head low, lips trying to sound his thoughts, but no words came out.
"It's okay, Yama-chan." Yuto said again. “We understand. It’s just, please don’t ever give up ever again.”
“Yuto-kun...” Ryosuke bit his trembling lips, realizing at how stupid he was.
“I’ve told you, right ? You can forget your memories for as many times as you want to, because memories are something you can re-write, as long as you exist.” The tall boy told him, voice a mix of sadness and relief. “But if you’re gone- I just won’t know what to do anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Yuto-kun.” Ryosuke apologized once again. “I really am sorry.”
“Shh.. Now don’t cry again.” Yuto pulled him close. “You’re alright now, that’s what matters.”
***
“Thank you for this, Johnny-san.” He gave the man a bow. “And I’m sorry to have created a fuss.”
“It’s okay, young man.” The man gave him a fatherly pat. “I know you’ve been through a lot.”
He looked at the man gratefully before he gave him one last bow.
“I will be going then.”
“Make sure you don’t overexert yourself. You might have regain your memories, but your body is still recovering from the accident. After all, we can’t have our golden boy collapsed the second time, can we ? I can’t afford any further loss in our income.” The man winked mischiviously before he left. He might have sounded that he only care about the money, but Ryosuke know better that Johnny-san is worried for real.
“I will. Thank you very much, Sir.” He whispered softly at the man’s back, watching as he disappeared from his view.
‘Ever since I was a little boy, I had always loved the stars. In the middle of the night, I would always climbed down my bed to gazed at the stars from my open window, and sometimes, fell asleep there with a smile framing my face. I will always got some scoldings from my mother by the morning for being reckless, but I could be careless about it. I loved the stars. So much that I’d wish I could be one someday. From Ultraman to an international soccer player, they were all my childish image of what being a star means, those I tried to become. And after years of hardworks and struggles, I am finally a star now, in a way. But now that I’ve tasted the glam of it, I started to dislike it -no, I hate it. Because in the exchange of being a star, came the dark which would swallow me, slowly and quietly, so when my light is not strong enough, it would erase me completely, into nothingness. And it scared me, that I wished I was never a star in the first place...
Until I realized that facing hardships is an essential factor to make us a brighter, and stronger star. Until I realized that I’m not alone in this battlefield. And I’m grateful, of the people who would always support me through the many obstacles, who would be my salvation in my darkest hour, who would shine and stand along with me, supporting each other through friendly pat and encouraging smile.
Thank you everyone. But most specially, thank you, Yuto-kun. For helping me recreating my memories, and for always being there whenever I need someone the most. Thank you...’
~~~End~~~
Finally~ After two years, this short series is over.. I was on the verge of giving up on this one midway, but thought that it wasn't fair to those who had been anticipating the end of this fic (if there is any, that is), so I decided to push my own button and give this fic another go.. Since my original plot has been long forgotten, and I was threading the last few chapters under a whole new inspiration, I truly apologized if things didn't really clicked or if this series is a disappointment..
Lastly, I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you for following up until the end~ >,<
See you in another fics~
Note : I forgot to mention this before, but all credits for the media used throughout this series belong to their respectable owners~ >,<
Part 7 - Thank You
Author :
zeon_avalanthe
Rating : PG-13
Genre : AU ; Angst
Pairing : YutoYama [from now on, I'm going to use this call for this pairing.. >,< ]
Disclaimer : Everyone knows that I don't own any of those boys, sadly..
Summary : Ever since he was a little child, he had always loved the stars.. Ever since he was a little child, he had always wanted to be a star.. But as he grew up, big and famous and at the top -finally a star- he wished that he never wished to be star since the very beginning..
Author's Note : The song used here is Secret Base ~Kimi Ga Kureta Mono~ (10 Years After Version) from the saddest Anime ever, AnoHana (in which Yama-chan's name is mentioned briefly by the way)
Click to viewAo ~Blue~
Part 7 - Thank You
"I finally remember." Ryosuke suddenly said, breaking the silence and surprised the other occupants of the room. "Of the things I have selfishly forgotten before."
They are now huddling together inside their practice room, with Ryosuke in the middle of them, body clad with a thin blanket they found in the storage. Ryosuke smiled as the others looked up expectantly at him.
"And perhaps, I now knew that the reason of my lost memories was because a part of me wanted to forget it." He looked down, avoiding eye-contacts with everyone. "This entertainment life has been rough for me lately. With the never-ending workloads, I thought that I could make everyone happy by doing my best in everything I do, no matter how hard it was. But then, it seemed that I have been mistaken."
He closed his eyes, as once again disturbing images started to appearing before him.
"Instead, the people became to hate me because they thought I had 'stolen' too many spots which should be belong to the rest of you. I tried to ignore it at first, but the hateful words kept on increasing each day, and I just can't take it anymore. I had always dreamt to became a star, but now that I'm actually became one, I found myself hating it. 'I wish that I was never a star' was what I thought that day the accident happened. And perhaps, God had heard my prayers and granted it, because after that accident, I was no longer a star, in a way."
He chuckled as he remembered that day.
"I guess that was the reason I couldn't remember you because you were a part of the world I came to hate." He smiled bitterly as he looked away. "It was selfish of me, but now that I remember, I wish that I remained amnesiac. Because by doing so, I could escape the harsh reality and be oblivious of the pain I used to feel. That's why-"
Ryosuke hesitated. He took a glance to where Yuto stood not too far from him. He saw the boy looking back at him with reassuring look, a soft smile framing his gentle face. And so he took a deep breath.
"That's why I thought that I'd rather die than remembering when I tried to jump from this building." He sighed, at the same time hearing the many gasps coming from the people around him.
"Yama-chan !" Came a warning voice of Yabu.
"I know it was stupid." He gave a small smile. "That it was only an impulse in a spur moment. And I could only thanked Yuto-kun for coming at the right time and saved me. I've come to realized that death won't erase the pain and would only add the misery, that's why I gave up on the idea."
A collected sigh of relief could be heard inside the small room.
"But the fact that many people hate me still remains." Ryosuke continued. "That's why, I think it is best for me to quit this life for once and for all. I love to be with you and doing lots of things together with you guys, but I don't think I can move forward like this. After all, I'm afraid of hearing the hateful words all over again. And I don't want to steal what ought to be yours more than this. That's why, eventhough it's hard for me, I've decided to resign from Johnny's, and lead a normal life from now on. Away from the entertainment world."
For a moment, no one said a thing. And none brave enough to break the silence. That is until a certain squirrel boy spoke up.
"Silly Ryosuke."
The said boy looked up and stared at his caller in confusion.
"Chinen ?"
"Why do you have to think so negatively ?" The younger boy sighed. "You're not the only one who got those mistreatment from people, you know. We all do. It's a consequence we have to face once we entered this world. And we -that including you- all knew from the start of what kind of harsh world we will be having."
Ryosuke said nothing as he just stared in confusion toward the shorter boy.
"But didn't we promised that we will always be there for each other through the goods and the bads ? Didn't we vowed to protect each other from any kind of danger ? Didn't we agreed to share each other's sorrows and miseries to be shouldered together ?" The boy looked at him with a dead-serious eyes.
"I don't-"
"I thought our bond was strong enough for us to understand each other without us having to tell a single word, Ryosuke." The boy cut him off. "You told me that once, remember ?"
Ryosuke widened his eyes, taken aback by the sudden outburst.
"Or perhaps, your subconsciousness had gave up on that bond too and decided to forget everything we'd shared ?" A dangerous glint flashed before Chinen's eyes. "If that's the case, then I will say it over and over again to regain that lost memory ! I will remind you every single second so that the words will be implanted in your brain for you to never forget ! If those won't work, then I will personally dig a hole on your head to forced it out on you !"
Ryosuke took a few steps back, overwhelmed by the younger boy's rage.
"Chinen, I-"
"Aren't we family ?"
Chinen looked up, and his eyes met Ryosuke's. And in an instant, Ryosuke felt like his life being replayed right before his eyes. The day he got accepted to Johnny's.. The excitement of coming to his first practice session.. His first time dancing in front of the camera.. His first role in a drama.. Their debut day.. Their first concert.. Running through the stages.. Singing in front of the fans.. Dancing to his heart-content.. Their first album.. The despair of losing Ryutaro.. Their first Asia's tour.. His solo single.. His doubts.. A comforting pat on his back.. Reassuring and encouraging words.. Their struggles to reach the top.. Their endless efforts to be the best.. And then, he broke down.
Ryosuke fell to his knees and cried. He didn't even try to conceal his voice and wailed.
"Yama-chan.."
A worried and concerned Yuto appeared in front of him and he quickly throw himself to the taller's chest. All these times, he only thought about his own pain, forgetting that he has people he could trust his secrets onto. He forgot about the good times and drowned himself in agony. He distanced himself from the people who had always gave him a shoulder to lean on and would always support him against all odds. He strained their bond and he felt ashamed of all those. Knowing nothing to do, Ryosuke just cried and cried and cried until he got tired of it. And when he finally do, he pulled out from Yuto's embrace and smiled weakly.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't mind it." Yuto said gently as he wiped the remnants of tears from his face.
"No, it's not that." Ryosuke shook his head. "I'm sorry." He hung his head low, lips trying to sound his thoughts, but no words came out.
"It's okay, Yama-chan." Yuto said again. “We understand. It’s just, please don’t ever give up ever again.”
“Yuto-kun...” Ryosuke bit his trembling lips, realizing at how stupid he was.
“I’ve told you, right ? You can forget your memories for as many times as you want to, because memories are something you can re-write, as long as you exist.” The tall boy told him, voice a mix of sadness and relief. “But if you’re gone- I just won’t know what to do anymore.”
“I’m sorry, Yuto-kun.” Ryosuke apologized once again. “I really am sorry.”
“Shh.. Now don’t cry again.” Yuto pulled him close. “You’re alright now, that’s what matters.”
***
“Thank you for this, Johnny-san.” He gave the man a bow. “And I’m sorry to have created a fuss.”
“It’s okay, young man.” The man gave him a fatherly pat. “I know you’ve been through a lot.”
He looked at the man gratefully before he gave him one last bow.
“I will be going then.”
“Make sure you don’t overexert yourself. You might have regain your memories, but your body is still recovering from the accident. After all, we can’t have our golden boy collapsed the second time, can we ? I can’t afford any further loss in our income.” The man winked mischiviously before he left. He might have sounded that he only care about the money, but Ryosuke know better that Johnny-san is worried for real.
“I will. Thank you very much, Sir.” He whispered softly at the man’s back, watching as he disappeared from his view.
‘Ever since I was a little boy, I had always loved the stars. In the middle of the night, I would always climbed down my bed to gazed at the stars from my open window, and sometimes, fell asleep there with a smile framing my face. I will always got some scoldings from my mother by the morning for being reckless, but I could be careless about it. I loved the stars. So much that I’d wish I could be one someday. From Ultraman to an international soccer player, they were all my childish image of what being a star means, those I tried to become. And after years of hardworks and struggles, I am finally a star now, in a way. But now that I’ve tasted the glam of it, I started to dislike it -no, I hate it. Because in the exchange of being a star, came the dark which would swallow me, slowly and quietly, so when my light is not strong enough, it would erase me completely, into nothingness. And it scared me, that I wished I was never a star in the first place...
Until I realized that facing hardships is an essential factor to make us a brighter, and stronger star. Until I realized that I’m not alone in this battlefield. And I’m grateful, of the people who would always support me through the many obstacles, who would be my salvation in my darkest hour, who would shine and stand along with me, supporting each other through friendly pat and encouraging smile.
Thank you everyone. But most specially, thank you, Yuto-kun. For helping me recreating my memories, and for always being there whenever I need someone the most. Thank you...’
~~~End~~~
Finally~ After two years, this short series is over.. I was on the verge of giving up on this one midway, but thought that it wasn't fair to those who had been anticipating the end of this fic (if there is any, that is), so I decided to push my own button and give this fic another go.. Since my original plot has been long forgotten, and I was threading the last few chapters under a whole new inspiration, I truly apologized if things didn't really clicked or if this series is a disappointment..
Lastly, I hope you enjoyed reading and thank you for following up until the end~ >,<
See you in another fics~
Note : I forgot to mention this before, but all credits for the media used throughout this series belong to their respectable owners~ >,<