3 pounds of love sit in my skull
once again i'm too caught up in my own momentary melancholy to care what i say to other people. i never really feel the full weight of what i've said until i've said it hours later. i wonder if they all just brush it off and i'm feeling guilty for no reason?
or maybe...the reason i enjoy making my (shallow) sadness into a hard ball of anger and throwing it at everyone else and watching them get hurt is because i don't want to be the only one pissed off?
i hate being left out - its positively one of the worst feelings (well, in my good life it is) ever.
i have a bad personality and am often described as weird...what kind of weird though?
and no, i don't like introducing friends to other people because then they'll lose interest in me.
oh thats not true
well then HOW COME IT FUCKING HAPPENS TO ME EVERY FUCKING TIME?
god fucking dammit shit fucking fuck asshole. jerk.
i don't want to be a recluse! and the only fucking people i'm interested in befriending arn't interested in me. fuck!
yes i'm bitching, but i'm trying to do something about it. its just difficult. thats all.
well if that falls through, at least i'll have my hot bod (coming soon).
i'll just have to compensate for my sucky personality.
FUCK.
i get incredibly jealous at the drop of a fucking hat. it annoys the hell out of me. maybe i have green eyes for a reason? i get jealous and then take it out on so-and-so then expect them to spot when i'm pissed and give me attention. or i get jealous and get so mad that i'm jealous then start to quietly fume, yelling at myself in my skull because i'm so ridiculously jealous. then take it out on so-and-so. wondering tearfully why they don't want to be with me.
its not anyone's fault but my own.
its my problem.
i'll fix it.
don't you worry.
you probably weren't anyways.
(i'm doing it again, i know)
and i got a pair of red china flats. they're nice...ahem.
now i feel guilty for feeling guilty and that i'm bitching about my perfect, secure life. WHAT A SPOILED, UNGRATEFUL BRAT I am.
never satisfied.
or maybe...the reason i enjoy making my (shallow) sadness into a hard ball of anger and throwing it at everyone else and watching them get hurt is because i don't want to be the only one pissed off?
i hate being left out - its positively one of the worst feelings (well, in my good life it is) ever.
i have a bad personality and am often described as weird...what kind of weird though?
and no, i don't like introducing friends to other people because then they'll lose interest in me.
oh thats not true
well then HOW COME IT FUCKING HAPPENS TO ME EVERY FUCKING TIME?
god fucking dammit shit fucking fuck asshole. jerk.
i don't want to be a recluse! and the only fucking people i'm interested in befriending arn't interested in me. fuck!
yes i'm bitching, but i'm trying to do something about it. its just difficult. thats all.
well if that falls through, at least i'll have my hot bod (coming soon).
i'll just have to compensate for my sucky personality.
FUCK.
i get incredibly jealous at the drop of a fucking hat. it annoys the hell out of me. maybe i have green eyes for a reason? i get jealous and then take it out on so-and-so then expect them to spot when i'm pissed and give me attention. or i get jealous and get so mad that i'm jealous then start to quietly fume, yelling at myself in my skull because i'm so ridiculously jealous. then take it out on so-and-so. wondering tearfully why they don't want to be with me.
its not anyone's fault but my own.
its my problem.
i'll fix it.
don't you worry.
you probably weren't anyways.
(i'm doing it again, i know)
and i got a pair of red china flats. they're nice...ahem.
now i feel guilty for feeling guilty and that i'm bitching about my perfect, secure life. WHAT A SPOILED, UNGRATEFUL BRAT I am.
never satisfied.