Another Group in which I so Dedicate Myself Dies
So many topics to cover, so little time I want to spend on this entry.
I regret my alcohol tolerance is as low as it is. I must have looked like a moron picking up our pizza at 3:00AM being that I could not walk straight, much less handle the phone, money, pizza, etc. What is sad is that was after only four shots of 80-proof vodka. Moral of the story, listen to Jess and quit drinking.
What makes me upset at myself is what led me to drink was not out of social obligation to fit in (anyone who knows me can attest to how I do not expend significant effort to meet the more absurd social expectations), but rather to escape the fact that I was by myself. I was again sexiled Friday night, but I made sure to take advantage of my roommate's horniness (not the asshole one, who deserves to be taken advantage of more often) by demanding alcohol in exchange for sacrificing the comfort of sleeping in an actual bed (I slept in a room down the hall with an acquaintance, Dave Dacone, on a leftover mattress). I will probably sell most of it. I am a terrible person, taking advantage of people's desires and then drinking my blues away. I tried getting out, but I was not wanted. It is as though people formed social clics already and the people left out are not people whom with I have desire to establish friendship. Then again, most of the people already in clics are not the type of people I enjoy being around. It is my fault; I should have made better preparations for not making Onyx (I tried, I do not know why nothing happened). Moral of the story, general introvertedness combined with inability to find those with common interests hurts the process of finding a social circle in which to belong.
With the exception of a brief few minutes on Thursday afternoon, I have not seen her online at all. I know longer even see her on my other screen name. As I mentioned before, it was not like I was being annoying or creepy before, but now my curiosity is turning me into a bad person. Maybe she now has everyone blocked who is not on her buddy list. Moral of the story, ask her why.
Finally, something I have been wanting to write about for quite some time. I want to express some level of sadness that the TJ "Elite" Winterguard, based on rumours from members, exists no longer. It has folded. There is now a guard that marches with the Winter Drumline, but now it is an unscored auxiliary that, frankly, does not fit well into drumline show designs. All the "Winter Ensembles" I have seen are terrible to watch (and the guards tend to be sub-par). Furthermore, rumour holds that the only senior remaining is Geoff. I said in my "bitch-fest" last summer that if Geoff did not acquire leadership skills fast, he would kill the guard. Little did I know it was so true. Besides killing the guard as an activity (I recognize he is not the sole cause, but rather a multitude of other factors contributed in addition, most significant of which being Mrs. Ulrey as Mr. Simon's replacement), but he has also alienated all the other upper-classmen from marching. It seems to not just be the guard that died, but the friendship among the members as well. I felt Glenn should have been captain; maybe things would have turned out different. I used to consider Geoff a friend; I hope he gets his soul back. What is sadder is that an organization I spent much time trying to preserve (at least on the membership issue) died as soon as I left. I loved the guard. Marching in it made me happy. I was hoping to be able to return to see the winterguard as an alumnus. It is a pity others will not get to experience what I was privileges to experience. It is a pity that the remaining seniors will not get to finish off their high school experience doing an activity in which they have already dedicated so much time. Moral of the story, it is everyone's loss the TJ Elite Winterguard no longer exists.
I only marched guard my junior and senior year, but I was also part of other "pageantry" organizations my freshman and sophomore year. I have always been a big fan of the "marching arts" whether it be marching band, guard, drum corps, military drill, honor guard, etc. My freshman year I marched in a military-style color guard where we won at the wing (state) level and placed fourth (of seven) at region (DE, MD, DC, VA, WV, NC, and SC). That is where I learned to march (no one at TJ ever asked why I came into the guard already knowing how the marching band marched) and do military-style rifle drill. Not to gloat, but I was damn good. My sophomore year I auditioned for the wing level drill team, the Vanguard. You cannot imagine how good we were at what we did. We finished second at regions both my sophomore and junior year (junior year is a long story that can ultimately attest to my skill at least six of the seven events in which we competed). After my junior year, when I was confident I did not intend to march regardless for various reasons (but not set in stone), there was a change of leadership that ultimately resulted in it not competing the following year. Moral of the story, groups in which I dedicate large amounts of time die promptly after I depart (by request, I will be willing to post more on my experiences on the color guard and Vanguard, specifically relating to the organization and the events in which we competed).
I regret my alcohol tolerance is as low as it is. I must have looked like a moron picking up our pizza at 3:00AM being that I could not walk straight, much less handle the phone, money, pizza, etc. What is sad is that was after only four shots of 80-proof vodka. Moral of the story, listen to Jess and quit drinking.
What makes me upset at myself is what led me to drink was not out of social obligation to fit in (anyone who knows me can attest to how I do not expend significant effort to meet the more absurd social expectations), but rather to escape the fact that I was by myself. I was again sexiled Friday night, but I made sure to take advantage of my roommate's horniness (not the asshole one, who deserves to be taken advantage of more often) by demanding alcohol in exchange for sacrificing the comfort of sleeping in an actual bed (I slept in a room down the hall with an acquaintance, Dave Dacone, on a leftover mattress). I will probably sell most of it. I am a terrible person, taking advantage of people's desires and then drinking my blues away. I tried getting out, but I was not wanted. It is as though people formed social clics already and the people left out are not people whom with I have desire to establish friendship. Then again, most of the people already in clics are not the type of people I enjoy being around. It is my fault; I should have made better preparations for not making Onyx (I tried, I do not know why nothing happened). Moral of the story, general introvertedness combined with inability to find those with common interests hurts the process of finding a social circle in which to belong.
With the exception of a brief few minutes on Thursday afternoon, I have not seen her online at all. I know longer even see her on my other screen name. As I mentioned before, it was not like I was being annoying or creepy before, but now my curiosity is turning me into a bad person. Maybe she now has everyone blocked who is not on her buddy list. Moral of the story, ask her why.
Finally, something I have been wanting to write about for quite some time. I want to express some level of sadness that the TJ "Elite" Winterguard, based on rumours from members, exists no longer. It has folded. There is now a guard that marches with the Winter Drumline, but now it is an unscored auxiliary that, frankly, does not fit well into drumline show designs. All the "Winter Ensembles" I have seen are terrible to watch (and the guards tend to be sub-par). Furthermore, rumour holds that the only senior remaining is Geoff. I said in my "bitch-fest" last summer that if Geoff did not acquire leadership skills fast, he would kill the guard. Little did I know it was so true. Besides killing the guard as an activity (I recognize he is not the sole cause, but rather a multitude of other factors contributed in addition, most significant of which being Mrs. Ulrey as Mr. Simon's replacement), but he has also alienated all the other upper-classmen from marching. It seems to not just be the guard that died, but the friendship among the members as well. I felt Glenn should have been captain; maybe things would have turned out different. I used to consider Geoff a friend; I hope he gets his soul back. What is sadder is that an organization I spent much time trying to preserve (at least on the membership issue) died as soon as I left. I loved the guard. Marching in it made me happy. I was hoping to be able to return to see the winterguard as an alumnus. It is a pity others will not get to experience what I was privileges to experience. It is a pity that the remaining seniors will not get to finish off their high school experience doing an activity in which they have already dedicated so much time. Moral of the story, it is everyone's loss the TJ Elite Winterguard no longer exists.
I only marched guard my junior and senior year, but I was also part of other "pageantry" organizations my freshman and sophomore year. I have always been a big fan of the "marching arts" whether it be marching band, guard, drum corps, military drill, honor guard, etc. My freshman year I marched in a military-style color guard where we won at the wing (state) level and placed fourth (of seven) at region (DE, MD, DC, VA, WV, NC, and SC). That is where I learned to march (no one at TJ ever asked why I came into the guard already knowing how the marching band marched) and do military-style rifle drill. Not to gloat, but I was damn good. My sophomore year I auditioned for the wing level drill team, the Vanguard. You cannot imagine how good we were at what we did. We finished second at regions both my sophomore and junior year (junior year is a long story that can ultimately attest to my skill at least six of the seven events in which we competed). After my junior year, when I was confident I did not intend to march regardless for various reasons (but not set in stone), there was a change of leadership that ultimately resulted in it not competing the following year. Moral of the story, groups in which I dedicate large amounts of time die promptly after I depart (by request, I will be willing to post more on my experiences on the color guard and Vanguard, specifically relating to the organization and the events in which we competed).