Establishing the Rules
By the time Nic graduated college, the three of us were completely bonded, or so we thought. Grace and I both knew Nic had commitment issues. We just didn’t think it would affect us, in our unique arrangement.
In time, it did.
His parents had a rocky marriage, not the best home life, and certainly not enough love in the household. He got his nurturing from my family, spent most of his waking hours growing up at my house, or hanging out with me, even with the two-year age difference between us. I watched him go through every pretty girl at our high school, never dating the same one more than three times. The only one who got close to him was Grace, because she wasn’t dating material. She was his friend, our friend, and slipped under his guard without his notice. He fell for her just like I did, because she was quality stuff.
Only Nic couldn’t be exclusive. It just wasn’t in him, and nothing gets by Grace.
She told me when he started dating again. I couldn’t believe it, and told her she was wrong. I stood up for him, swearing by how loyal he was to us. She just smiled at me and said, “Okay,” and let the subject drop.
Then I asked him about it. Told him that Grace thought he was cheating on her. On us.
He looked scared, and that was when I knew she was right.
I can’t tell you how pissed off I was. I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but he was taller than me (though I outweighed him in bulk) and knew how to fight. He’d had police training courses because he was going to be a cop, and I was the bookish type. He’d have wiped the floor with me if it had come to blows, and we both knew it.
I gave him a piece of my mind instead, told him how much he was hurting her, and laid down the law. No more other girls, I ordered. He owed that to Grace, if he loved her, and if he didn’t, we’d be happy to get the hell out of his life.
The plan was to let that simmer, keep an eye on him and eventually come back to the subject.
That wasn’t how it worked out.
There was an accident. My car was totaled and I ended up in a coma for three weeks. It was another two weeks before I got out of the hospital, and then my parents insisted on having me there until I was back on my feet a little better.
Recovery took a long time, and during that long absence from my home and my lovers, all kinds of things happened. I didn’t find out about any of it till I got back to our apartment.
Things were very strained at home. Nic was nervous, tense, jumpy. He was so glad I was okay, and vascillated between manic joy at having me home and utter terror that left him staring, pacing, shaking like a leaf.
Grace wasn’t much better. She was pale and so very sad. Even my homecoming, while it was a great and obvious relief to her, barely got her to smile.
I’d been home for three days before I figured out why.
Every morning, Grace had gotten up before the alarm, racing to the bathroom to heave over the toilet. Once she was done with that, she seemed to be a little shaken, but okay. She avoided my eyes whenever she left the bathroom, until the fourth morning.
I was standing right outside the door, and we made eye contact.
She was terrified.
“Are you pregnant?” I asked her.
She started shaking, and just nodded. Then she started to cry. I held her, wondering how the hell this could have happened. She’d been on the pill. She was careful.
“How?”
Grace pulled away without looking at me and went into the kitchen to make us some toast. “Remember that bladder infection I had when you went into the hospital?” she asked. “The antibiotics affected the birth control pills.”
She sighed as she pushed the button down on the toaster, and just stared listlessly into the machine as the coils heated up. “We were so scared we were going to lose you, Zen,” she whispered brokenly. “I-- We-- It just happened. We missed you so much.”
Part of me was glad that she and Nic had found solace in each other, but another part of me was devastated. She was carrying Nic’s baby. No wonder he looked so terrified. This wasn’t something he could handle, and both of us knew it.
“We’ll get married,” I told her without thinking. “I know Nic won’t. Can’t do it. But I will. I’ll take care of you, Grace.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, Zen.”
“We’ll all talk about it. I’m pretty sure Nic will be okay with it.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody as relieved as he was when I made my offer. A great weight seemed to lift off him, and he smiled for the first time in weeks.
“I’ll do my part,” he agreed. “I’ll pay for everything. I’ll help raise the kid. I just-“ He looked so helpless, appealing to Grace for understanding. “I can’t do the marriage thing, Grace. I can’t be tied down to one woman. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, because I do. I’d die without you. But I feel like I have to keep moving. I gotta be out there, you know? I don’t know how to explain it.”
She gave him the saddest smile, defeat in her red-rimmed eyes. “I do, Nic,” she told him softly. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about all this and make my own adjustments, and I have terms for continuing our relationship.”
He swallowed hard. “Let’s hear ‘em.”
Grace took a deep breath and held up one finger to enumerate the conditions. “First, no more than two dates with any woman. If you don’t score by then, too bad.” A second finger went up. “You will wear condoms no matter what you do with your dates, including for oral sex.” Three fingers. “If you feel a stronger than usual attraction; in other words, if you find yourself really liking a woman as opposed to just having the hots for her, you will not, under any circumstances, date her or take her to bed.”
He sighed a little, and nodded his head. “Okay. I can do that.”
“You will be tested regularly for STDs. You will not bring women home to fuck, ever. At her place or at hotels will be the only places you take them. And you will not spend the night, ever. When you’re done with your date, you come home to us.”
She put her hand down, finished.
“That’s it?” he asked, incredulous.
“That’s it.”
A relieved whoosh went out of him. “I can do that. No problem.”
Now it was my turn. “You’re okay with Grace marrying me?” I asked. “Okay with me raising your kid as my own?”
A flame flickered on in Nic’s dark eyes. “I’ll be there, Zen,” he promised, an edge of warning to his voice. “I love kids. I just never thought I’d be having any, because of the marriage thing. But I’m gonna do my part for my kid. We’re raising him together, all three of us.”
“Or her,” added Grace.
Nic eyed her, and smiled. “Or her.” He turned back to me, something like relief in his eyes. “I’m glad you’re gonna marry her, Zen. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Then it’s settled.”
We shook on it, all three of us, and then kissed Grace to seal the deal. As soon as we got the paperwork all done, the three of us went to the courthouse and tied the knot in front of the justice of the peace.
It wasn’t until we got home that I noticed Nic was sporting a new ring, too. While Grace and I had simple, cheap sterling silver wedding bands, Nic had bought himself a heavy gold ring set with three square diamonds. He told us that, when we had been saying our vows, he had said his own in his head, slipped his hand into his pocket and put the ring on his own finger as we were putting ours on each other. It was his personal commitment ceremony, and both Grace and I were touched as he explained.
“There’s not gonna be anybody else for me,” Nic promised. “I may not be able to do the legal thing, but that doesn’t mean you don’t own my heart.” He looked at me, too. “Both of you.”
“Say the words, Nic,” I urged him gently, realizing at that moment that he had never told Grace how he felt about her in my presence.
“She knows,” he countered.
I shook my head. “Not good enough. Tell her.”
He reached for her, intending to kiss her. I stopped him. “Not with actions, Nic. With words. Say the words.”
He looked at her, his gaze going very soft. Glancing down, he touched her flat belly reverently with his palm, then made eye contact again. “I love you, Grace. Always have. Always will.”
She teared up and started to sniffle, reaching for him as the tears started to fall, sobbing against his shoulder. They started kissing, and it was clear that they were going to make love. I wasn’t up to that just yet, though my heart was in it, and once they remembered, they pulled apart and started to calm down.
“Go for it,” I urged them. “You guys need a little make-up sex.”
Grace reached out to me. “Come with us? It won’t feel right if you’re not there. I don’t think I could do it, knowing you’re in the next room.”
She was dead-on with the emotional ramifications, as usual. I wouldn’t have felt okay about it, either. I mean, we’d made love with her one at a time over the last several years, when one or the other of us wasn’t home yet, but as soon as we hit the door, if Grace was getting it from one of us, the other would join in, or at least watch.
The three of us went into our bedroom, getting me carefully into our king-sized bed, and I lay still and touched them both while Nic made love to my wife, the mother of his child, on our wedding night. Stranger things have happened, I’m sure, but that felt pretty weird from an intellectual standpoint. From my heart, though, it was a beautiful thing, indeed.
In time, it did.
His parents had a rocky marriage, not the best home life, and certainly not enough love in the household. He got his nurturing from my family, spent most of his waking hours growing up at my house, or hanging out with me, even with the two-year age difference between us. I watched him go through every pretty girl at our high school, never dating the same one more than three times. The only one who got close to him was Grace, because she wasn’t dating material. She was his friend, our friend, and slipped under his guard without his notice. He fell for her just like I did, because she was quality stuff.
Only Nic couldn’t be exclusive. It just wasn’t in him, and nothing gets by Grace.
She told me when he started dating again. I couldn’t believe it, and told her she was wrong. I stood up for him, swearing by how loyal he was to us. She just smiled at me and said, “Okay,” and let the subject drop.
Then I asked him about it. Told him that Grace thought he was cheating on her. On us.
He looked scared, and that was when I knew she was right.
I can’t tell you how pissed off I was. I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but he was taller than me (though I outweighed him in bulk) and knew how to fight. He’d had police training courses because he was going to be a cop, and I was the bookish type. He’d have wiped the floor with me if it had come to blows, and we both knew it.
I gave him a piece of my mind instead, told him how much he was hurting her, and laid down the law. No more other girls, I ordered. He owed that to Grace, if he loved her, and if he didn’t, we’d be happy to get the hell out of his life.
The plan was to let that simmer, keep an eye on him and eventually come back to the subject.
That wasn’t how it worked out.
There was an accident. My car was totaled and I ended up in a coma for three weeks. It was another two weeks before I got out of the hospital, and then my parents insisted on having me there until I was back on my feet a little better.
Recovery took a long time, and during that long absence from my home and my lovers, all kinds of things happened. I didn’t find out about any of it till I got back to our apartment.
Things were very strained at home. Nic was nervous, tense, jumpy. He was so glad I was okay, and vascillated between manic joy at having me home and utter terror that left him staring, pacing, shaking like a leaf.
Grace wasn’t much better. She was pale and so very sad. Even my homecoming, while it was a great and obvious relief to her, barely got her to smile.
I’d been home for three days before I figured out why.
Every morning, Grace had gotten up before the alarm, racing to the bathroom to heave over the toilet. Once she was done with that, she seemed to be a little shaken, but okay. She avoided my eyes whenever she left the bathroom, until the fourth morning.
I was standing right outside the door, and we made eye contact.
She was terrified.
“Are you pregnant?” I asked her.
She started shaking, and just nodded. Then she started to cry. I held her, wondering how the hell this could have happened. She’d been on the pill. She was careful.
“How?”
Grace pulled away without looking at me and went into the kitchen to make us some toast. “Remember that bladder infection I had when you went into the hospital?” she asked. “The antibiotics affected the birth control pills.”
She sighed as she pushed the button down on the toaster, and just stared listlessly into the machine as the coils heated up. “We were so scared we were going to lose you, Zen,” she whispered brokenly. “I-- We-- It just happened. We missed you so much.”
Part of me was glad that she and Nic had found solace in each other, but another part of me was devastated. She was carrying Nic’s baby. No wonder he looked so terrified. This wasn’t something he could handle, and both of us knew it.
“We’ll get married,” I told her without thinking. “I know Nic won’t. Can’t do it. But I will. I’ll take care of you, Grace.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, Zen.”
“We’ll all talk about it. I’m pretty sure Nic will be okay with it.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody as relieved as he was when I made my offer. A great weight seemed to lift off him, and he smiled for the first time in weeks.
“I’ll do my part,” he agreed. “I’ll pay for everything. I’ll help raise the kid. I just-“ He looked so helpless, appealing to Grace for understanding. “I can’t do the marriage thing, Grace. I can’t be tied down to one woman. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, because I do. I’d die without you. But I feel like I have to keep moving. I gotta be out there, you know? I don’t know how to explain it.”
She gave him the saddest smile, defeat in her red-rimmed eyes. “I do, Nic,” she told him softly. “I’ve had plenty of time to think about all this and make my own adjustments, and I have terms for continuing our relationship.”
He swallowed hard. “Let’s hear ‘em.”
Grace took a deep breath and held up one finger to enumerate the conditions. “First, no more than two dates with any woman. If you don’t score by then, too bad.” A second finger went up. “You will wear condoms no matter what you do with your dates, including for oral sex.” Three fingers. “If you feel a stronger than usual attraction; in other words, if you find yourself really liking a woman as opposed to just having the hots for her, you will not, under any circumstances, date her or take her to bed.”
He sighed a little, and nodded his head. “Okay. I can do that.”
“You will be tested regularly for STDs. You will not bring women home to fuck, ever. At her place or at hotels will be the only places you take them. And you will not spend the night, ever. When you’re done with your date, you come home to us.”
She put her hand down, finished.
“That’s it?” he asked, incredulous.
“That’s it.”
A relieved whoosh went out of him. “I can do that. No problem.”
Now it was my turn. “You’re okay with Grace marrying me?” I asked. “Okay with me raising your kid as my own?”
A flame flickered on in Nic’s dark eyes. “I’ll be there, Zen,” he promised, an edge of warning to his voice. “I love kids. I just never thought I’d be having any, because of the marriage thing. But I’m gonna do my part for my kid. We’re raising him together, all three of us.”
“Or her,” added Grace.
Nic eyed her, and smiled. “Or her.” He turned back to me, something like relief in his eyes. “I’m glad you’re gonna marry her, Zen. Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Then it’s settled.”
We shook on it, all three of us, and then kissed Grace to seal the deal. As soon as we got the paperwork all done, the three of us went to the courthouse and tied the knot in front of the justice of the peace.
It wasn’t until we got home that I noticed Nic was sporting a new ring, too. While Grace and I had simple, cheap sterling silver wedding bands, Nic had bought himself a heavy gold ring set with three square diamonds. He told us that, when we had been saying our vows, he had said his own in his head, slipped his hand into his pocket and put the ring on his own finger as we were putting ours on each other. It was his personal commitment ceremony, and both Grace and I were touched as he explained.
“There’s not gonna be anybody else for me,” Nic promised. “I may not be able to do the legal thing, but that doesn’t mean you don’t own my heart.” He looked at me, too. “Both of you.”
“Say the words, Nic,” I urged him gently, realizing at that moment that he had never told Grace how he felt about her in my presence.
“She knows,” he countered.
I shook my head. “Not good enough. Tell her.”
He reached for her, intending to kiss her. I stopped him. “Not with actions, Nic. With words. Say the words.”
He looked at her, his gaze going very soft. Glancing down, he touched her flat belly reverently with his palm, then made eye contact again. “I love you, Grace. Always have. Always will.”
She teared up and started to sniffle, reaching for him as the tears started to fall, sobbing against his shoulder. They started kissing, and it was clear that they were going to make love. I wasn’t up to that just yet, though my heart was in it, and once they remembered, they pulled apart and started to calm down.
“Go for it,” I urged them. “You guys need a little make-up sex.”
Grace reached out to me. “Come with us? It won’t feel right if you’re not there. I don’t think I could do it, knowing you’re in the next room.”
She was dead-on with the emotional ramifications, as usual. I wouldn’t have felt okay about it, either. I mean, we’d made love with her one at a time over the last several years, when one or the other of us wasn’t home yet, but as soon as we hit the door, if Grace was getting it from one of us, the other would join in, or at least watch.
The three of us went into our bedroom, getting me carefully into our king-sized bed, and I lay still and touched them both while Nic made love to my wife, the mother of his child, on our wedding night. Stranger things have happened, I’m sure, but that felt pretty weird from an intellectual standpoint. From my heart, though, it was a beautiful thing, indeed.