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leeflower May 1 2008, 04:04:50 UTC
Ok, I know I really shouldn't get involved in this, but a few things you really ought to think about in your quest better yourself:

You admit that you're being driven by anger and frustration, and you compare yourself to people like your ex who are driven by their own desire to succeed. Sean, wasting energy being pissed off at people and expecting it to propel you forward is a little like drinking rat poison and expecting the rat to die. Being driven to achieve things is about believing that you deserve to-- not believing that you're more deserving than someone else, or they're less deserving than you, but that you, personally, are worth the effort it will take to get there.

If you insist on dehumanizing and devaluing the people around you, you're never going to be able to do that. When you understand that everyone has worth, it will follow that you, as part of everyone, have worth, too--the kind of worth that's deserving of the things you want to achieve. But if you insist on focusing on the ways in which others are unworthy, it will follow back to you in the same way. All the ego in the world won't help you escape the logical trap you set for yourself if you rule everyone else worthless, because you are part of everyone, and you know you are.

If you want to be a better person, be a better person. Imagining that others are smaller than you to build yourself up by comparison only works by comparison, and that's a lot of power you're giving away to say that you can only be big if others around you will be small. Be big on your own. Do things that you can be proud of that don't depend on how you view others or how they will view you.

And don't for the love of God chose someone else to idealize as the person you wish you were like. That's a pattern you've been in as long as I've known you, and when you pin your self-worth on the acceptance of others, you will let yourself down.

Right, that's it, I'm done. Take it or leave it--I wish you the best.

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conversation for the big kids zenoofelea May 2 2008, 14:00:23 UTC
Ive tried writing this response like FOUR times and seeing how I'm having trouble finding the right words heres the idea

"good wisdom but your wrong"

please please please call. I love talking about this shiat and I dont have your phone # anymore (i lost all my previous # when my old phone died) and if you dont want to say more that is OK too. ;)

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