weird
so i don't know why i'm feeling this way, but i had what i believe to be a panick attack and i have no idea what triggered it. just all afternoon i've had this feeling like something isn't right. like someone i knew was in trouble or i was in trouble somehow. i don't know how to explain. i was in Michael's buying some art supplies and when i was in line all i wanted to do was crawl up into a ball in the cornere and scream and cry. i wanted to run and never look back. all day i feel like i've been stuck in s tory that i've been writing in my head. whenever i see or do something this impersonal narrotor of sorts errupts and categorizes everything that i'm doing, picking out mundane details of what i consider and insonsequential life. like its going to a great american novel or something, i think my only goal right now is to belnd in. to not be seen, become invisible so that i may observe what is going on. i don't feel like i'm the type of person to be a recluse but all i want to be right now is one. i feel so confused, like i did when i was 16 and tried to kill myself, minus the suicidal part, thats how i feel right now, confused. i think all the stress from the past 6 monthes or so has finally suraced, boy what a time for that ugly snake to rear its ugly head. i need a warm body to cuddle up to and hear a calm voice tell me that all those stupid things i'm woried about aren't going to effect me, i need that voice to tell me its ok. i just need to out a name and face to that feeling.
i've never felt this panicky before in my life, i wonder why all of a sudden that it happened now. i think maybe if i cry then it will help but i can't bring myself to do that. i want to drive far away and never come back. just me and my car and the radio. what is it that i'm searching for, what have i lost. have i suddenly come to that point in growing up where childhood stops and you are just thrown into being an adult? i need that safe person to cuddle up to, where are you prince charming, prince safe...
i've never felt this panicky before in my life, i wonder why all of a sudden that it happened now. i think maybe if i cry then it will help but i can't bring myself to do that. i want to drive far away and never come back. just me and my car and the radio. what is it that i'm searching for, what have i lost. have i suddenly come to that point in growing up where childhood stops and you are just thrown into being an adult? i need that safe person to cuddle up to, where are you prince charming, prince safe...