feeling slightly out of place
so here i sit in a room full of stuff that smells of horse and dirt and sweat, not entirely the most pleasent smell in the world, but its one that is slightly comforting. camp is over, clean and close was yesterday. it feels like the summer never happened, too short a summer, not enough time to get everything done.
throughout the entire summer i am a pierced-less, tatooed-less, emotionally stable non-commital individual who gives everything and hides my true emotions inside so as to "protect" those arounf me from knowing my true self. i get to know campers, and i hear the sighs in their voices when they realize that we can only relate so much to them before we must put up a barrier of professionalism that serves to protect girl scouts asses when parents find out that real people are working with their children. i love camp and never want to leave, but after these past two weeks i feel like i need to have a staff meeting with just myself and debrief. I see so many kids a summer who live for their 6 or 7 days at winacka and i feel bad whenever i see that they aren't having fun, if even for a moment, i still want these kids to have the best 6 days of their lives so that they can go home and have some happy memory to hold onto, even if its only a small one, its still something that is theirs and no one can take it away. i feel helpless when i find out whats happening in these kids lives and it could be so much better. i worry about what happens to them between now and next summer. i can only be so effective so much of the time. i feel so old right now, not because i'm tired, only because i'm beginning to see things in a different light than when i did two years ago. i have realized that my actions and words are watched much more clsoely than i ever thought they were. i have discovered that one smile and hello is enough at times to save a childs life. i have found that i am much stronger emotionally speaking than i thought i was. i have discovered that i have a much better grasp on whats going on than i ever thought i did. suddenly this summer has turned form confusion and uncertainty to a stable platform of friends who i love dearly and have supported me to become who i am now. while the summer was physically and mentally drainig i sit and feel that i am much more confident in myself and see how i have the ability to change the world. to all you camp people who read this, thank you for everything in everyway.
on a more school orientated note, i'm already back at work and excited to meet my staff for this years and get all their input for the program, we're getting new carpet in our apartment! and i get to move in on the first, so about two weeks of living at home and then its back to the dorm for a few monthes or so.
i think its time to attempt to clean up my room, i'll catch you all later
-michelle
throughout the entire summer i am a pierced-less, tatooed-less, emotionally stable non-commital individual who gives everything and hides my true emotions inside so as to "protect" those arounf me from knowing my true self. i get to know campers, and i hear the sighs in their voices when they realize that we can only relate so much to them before we must put up a barrier of professionalism that serves to protect girl scouts asses when parents find out that real people are working with their children. i love camp and never want to leave, but after these past two weeks i feel like i need to have a staff meeting with just myself and debrief. I see so many kids a summer who live for their 6 or 7 days at winacka and i feel bad whenever i see that they aren't having fun, if even for a moment, i still want these kids to have the best 6 days of their lives so that they can go home and have some happy memory to hold onto, even if its only a small one, its still something that is theirs and no one can take it away. i feel helpless when i find out whats happening in these kids lives and it could be so much better. i worry about what happens to them between now and next summer. i can only be so effective so much of the time. i feel so old right now, not because i'm tired, only because i'm beginning to see things in a different light than when i did two years ago. i have realized that my actions and words are watched much more clsoely than i ever thought they were. i have discovered that one smile and hello is enough at times to save a childs life. i have found that i am much stronger emotionally speaking than i thought i was. i have discovered that i have a much better grasp on whats going on than i ever thought i did. suddenly this summer has turned form confusion and uncertainty to a stable platform of friends who i love dearly and have supported me to become who i am now. while the summer was physically and mentally drainig i sit and feel that i am much more confident in myself and see how i have the ability to change the world. to all you camp people who read this, thank you for everything in everyway.
on a more school orientated note, i'm already back at work and excited to meet my staff for this years and get all their input for the program, we're getting new carpet in our apartment! and i get to move in on the first, so about two weeks of living at home and then its back to the dorm for a few monthes or so.
i think its time to attempt to clean up my room, i'll catch you all later
-michelle