"Every angel is terrifying."
Today I suddenly realized, completely out of the blue, that I'm happy and satisfied about my life. For a while I didn't really think much about it, until it occurred to me that I probably haven't felt like that much since I fell into depression seven years ago. Of course I've felt happy and satisfied since then, lots of times, because it's been ups and downs, but I'm not so sure I've felt happy and satisfied about my life. I've been coping really well this winter, notably I've both showered and left the house regularly, and done so wearing actual clothes instead of whatever rags I've pulled on so as not to be naked.
I want to hold on to this feeling. I'm hopeful but scared, because it might be as fragile as every other such feeling I've had these past seven years. For the longest time, I used to get so excited at each up-turn. I'd think that I'd finally cured myself of depression, that I was normal again. Deep down I probably still hold on to the idea that one day I could settle into a nice stable groove and wouldn't have to worry about hating myself all over again. Today I find myself not caring much.
I'm happy.
I want to hold on to this feeling. I'm hopeful but scared, because it might be as fragile as every other such feeling I've had these past seven years. For the longest time, I used to get so excited at each up-turn. I'd think that I'd finally cured myself of depression, that I was normal again. Deep down I probably still hold on to the idea that one day I could settle into a nice stable groove and wouldn't have to worry about hating myself all over again. Today I find myself not caring much.
I'm happy.