Just stop.
That's exactly what I need to do. I went and looked back at my xanga over the past 3 years or so. I don't know why I do that to myself, while at the time, I was happy, looking back on it gets me a little depressed and then I forget how lucky I am to be where I am right now. I think it's mixed with finding things from Jessie's past that were around the same time. I miss the way I used to be able to write, but most of my words were wraught of emotional distraught. I can't for the life of me figure out why it is so much easier to write amazing things that way. I did come to one conclusion though, the next big milestone in Jessie's and my life, I'm writing him a letter. So far, what's next is his birthday, and I think aside from a present, there will be no card, I'll actually write him something on paper. I remember that's kind of how we started, he'd been reading my blogs on myspace and commenting on how the things I'd write were amazing and so true. Those entires were also ones that were done when I was upset, I only hope that I can match their depth with writings of how happy I am with him. It sounds corny, but if I think about it, I know I can do it, the last couple cards I've given him, I've only been able to write snippets. I miss my writing ability, where my pen knew no bounds and had every word available to express whatever I was feeling at the moment. Yes, I'll write him, perhaps even mail it to him so it gets here before his birthday. We shall see.