/sigh
Waiting is life...
I came to the very negative and probably temporary conclusion that the rest of my life will comprise of waiting... for school to end.... for work to end.... for life to end. I think that I have been doing it my whole life and its finally pissed me off. Its depressing and I wish I could get rid of it. "But you can, just change your perspective" "change how you see things" Fuck those quotes that I made up. If it were that simple there would be alot less killing going on in the world. Time flows in abrupt pauses that stagnate until the waters are poison like in downtown new orleans. You wade these waters because there is no choice and then! you are swept away. banks passing by in a slowed blur and you struggle and faulter and breathe in some water. Coughing and spitting your way to the next step in life and wait for it to end.
I wanted to write a poem and Im failing as I type because clearly this isnt one. This is text, thoughtful though it may be, it is nothing more than my thoughts immediately converted to digital words. I havent written a poem in so long and I could cry about it, but I wont because thats a ridiculous reason to cry and I only cry when Im frustrated or angry. Im sad right now, because I miss Havasu, and I had never intended on doing so. I am sad now because my friends are so out of reach that its uncomfortable to dial their numbers and so I dont, not because I dont miss them and not because I dont want to hear their familiar voice, but because Im a pussy and cant handle the awkward beginning of a conversation that should have happened sooner or more often. Every now and again I overcome it, and tonight would be one of those nights when I call someone just to talk to them and feel the verbal care embrace me like a comforting hug on the worst day of your life, you know the one, but I have decided that I actually dont want to talk to anyone right now. I am too negative, too depressed, and I wouldnt want to talk to me right now. I am a downer.
Life
Some minor details about life I have noticed in my few years experiencing it...
People lie all the time (I am one of them)
Time is never on your side
Happiness is rare but definately attainable
Depression is not as bad as it sounds
Creativity is rarely creative, but no one cares because its "different"
There are universal truths, and you're brilliant if you can write one down
seeing flaws is easier than seeing beauty
wasted time is time well spent (and usually fun)
connecting with people is the best way to forget... anything
People rarely read the entirety of lengthy posts and I wont be surprised if this is any different. Most likely people will not like that I took up so much space. Sorry. Please continue onto the next depressed chap, above or below me.
I came to the very negative and probably temporary conclusion that the rest of my life will comprise of waiting... for school to end.... for work to end.... for life to end. I think that I have been doing it my whole life and its finally pissed me off. Its depressing and I wish I could get rid of it. "But you can, just change your perspective" "change how you see things" Fuck those quotes that I made up. If it were that simple there would be alot less killing going on in the world. Time flows in abrupt pauses that stagnate until the waters are poison like in downtown new orleans. You wade these waters because there is no choice and then! you are swept away. banks passing by in a slowed blur and you struggle and faulter and breathe in some water. Coughing and spitting your way to the next step in life and wait for it to end.
I wanted to write a poem and Im failing as I type because clearly this isnt one. This is text, thoughtful though it may be, it is nothing more than my thoughts immediately converted to digital words. I havent written a poem in so long and I could cry about it, but I wont because thats a ridiculous reason to cry and I only cry when Im frustrated or angry. Im sad right now, because I miss Havasu, and I had never intended on doing so. I am sad now because my friends are so out of reach that its uncomfortable to dial their numbers and so I dont, not because I dont miss them and not because I dont want to hear their familiar voice, but because Im a pussy and cant handle the awkward beginning of a conversation that should have happened sooner or more often. Every now and again I overcome it, and tonight would be one of those nights when I call someone just to talk to them and feel the verbal care embrace me like a comforting hug on the worst day of your life, you know the one, but I have decided that I actually dont want to talk to anyone right now. I am too negative, too depressed, and I wouldnt want to talk to me right now. I am a downer.
Life
Some minor details about life I have noticed in my few years experiencing it...
People lie all the time (I am one of them)
Time is never on your side
Happiness is rare but definately attainable
Depression is not as bad as it sounds
Creativity is rarely creative, but no one cares because its "different"
There are universal truths, and you're brilliant if you can write one down
seeing flaws is easier than seeing beauty
wasted time is time well spent (and usually fun)
connecting with people is the best way to forget... anything
People rarely read the entirety of lengthy posts and I wont be surprised if this is any different. Most likely people will not like that I took up so much space. Sorry. Please continue onto the next depressed chap, above or below me.