Contemplating my navel once more
Without the consent of my doctor, I went off my antidepressant. I've never felt better.
I ran out. So I started taking my sample-pill stash, which was at a lower dose. And then I ran out of that. Instead of being a good girl and requesting a refill, I thought I'd try going it alone.
This is terribly uncharacteristic of me, and even more so is the fact that I am quite unrepentant.
My doctor and I tried taking me off my antiD two years ago, and I crashed. In a major way. She has always made it clear that if I wanted to try again, she was for it. She wants to see me on as little medication as is truly necessary, since I'll need to be on some form of chemical for the duration of my stay here on earth (at least this time around).
I fully intend to aprise her of the situation at our appointment on Monday. But I also want to make it clear to her that I cannot remember feeling this clear-headed, this free of depression, this unburdened, and all without an antidepressant. For the first time in years I'm coping without the crutch of a heavy dose of medication, and I can't believe how liberated I feel.