Spontaenous stream of consciousness
moving into the new house stressed out of my mind, underprepared, too much going on at once, feel the deadline of vacation starting on wednesday listening to bjork now, would normally make me feel mellow just makes me feel antsy I could bring my little ghetto blaster there's more to life than this worked half a day today came home and was hungry and tired eating microwaved chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese I feel 14 again I'm very insecure I've realized Everything about my demeanor and attitude with people is a facade I don't feel real on top of that the pita jungle from last night fucked my stomach up i'm really gassy and there's a profound shortage of toilet paper in the environment funny how you pack the things you really need first I guess it's just where my affinity lies
Speaking of pita jungle, 'twas the last night i will see the seduction for quite sometime I go on vacation on wednesday and then he goes on vacation after that, so I won't see him until like the third week of June, both a blessing and a sadness. I felt really bummed last night, and I realized that I've just been playing this game the whole time, pretending to be someone I'm not in order to attract him. Amy says he likes me, that I'm very close to him, and he told me that I've served as a Muse for him since he ended his prior relationship I just don't feel that important to him It's not a matter of self-esteem, merely a realization that what I truly am is not what he truly wants But it's a blessing because while I'm gone I might be able to get him out of my head! and come back and be able to have a close friendship with him without yearning for more, ever ever more While sad, i must accept this reality, and know that it is good enough for me (Thank you flow yoga teacher Johanna) while on vacation i'm going to overdose on fun, dancing, relaxation and get a tattoo. When I come back I hope to feel renewed and spiritual again School and such will start