my philosophy

[zena_koje_nema]

A few strange things happened to those around me today. First, one of my classmates ended up with a baby dying in her hands druing her rotation at PICU. The doctor said he did everything he could and parents couldn't deal and so they left the room and asked that someone hold the baby while it died. No nurse wanted to volunteer. The Dr removed a

Comments

[zena_koje_nema]

i have given up looking for a meaning, i think. i spent some years trying to make sense of my life and the world, but had to concede - as both are beyound me and i am not such an egoist to think i could have it 'all figured out' in one lifetime.
most of my 'existentialism' comes from my being responsible and often putting needs of others before mine - traits which at times i resent because i end up worrying and caring for others more than myself.

i have lived in the usa for almost 10 years. my brother came to tulsa for an exchange program one year and returned to parents in serbia, so i've been mostly alone. i have a few far-removed relatives (same great-grandfather) in nyc whom i've seen perhaps 3-4 times since i arrived.

i didn't know the bit about shyness. you are definitely a shy one, though. :) i actually enjoyed watching your suffering under it - how cruel of me. i used to be shy, but somehow realized that people are just people, and that meeting someone new is nothing to feel uncomfortable about. i am usually just too happy to have expanded my world by meeting a new person.

i think i would definitely enjoy watching you perform, so please do keep me informed. i will make sure to come watch you. i'm happy i saw yesterday's play and will definitely make sure to visit there.

when you told me where you worked, i laughed within myself. i knew that already. i also knew what you wanted to do with your life. i always try to read a few posts before i add a person as a 'friend' just to get a feel for who they are. i like people with visions and dreams.

[lake_awake]

By meaning I mean contributing something worth something. Just read a great book, What Should I Do With My Life, about people who searched for meaning (not religious or self-helpy, or even new-agey, actually really straight forward). You might like it.

There was standing room only when Theatre Club did Vagina Monologues at the Nightingale a few years ago. The most moving part of that for me was the Serbian woman who raped during the war.

I take my time warming up to people. Once I get to know them I'm not so shy, you know? I wonder if you would like some mail-art. It's a hobby I stole from Ray Johnson.

[zena_koje_nema]

i'll have to bookmark that for some better times (when i'm done with all the exams). sometimes i feel as if i've left my eyes at the desk.

[lake_awake]

I know how easy it can be to spread yourself too thin. multitasking is over-rated in my opinion. But that doesn't mean I avoid it very well....