(no subject)
i wouldn't be surprised if most people who read my journal skip over most of it. i mean, it's pretty mundane, and sometimes it can get downright depressing (though my paper journals contain the true blood and guts of it all.) still, i think journaling is good for people--it gives them a chance to write things down and then gain perspective. this particular list is great for gaining perspective. thanks, loadhan:
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
- fell in love
- not only passed--BUT GOT GOOD GRADES IN--a Case math and science course, respectively
- started to write, seriously, about my both trans experience and Kevin's death
- visited a Wawa
- went to Cleveland pride
- attended a midnight lakeside picnic
- i know there are others, but i'm not thinking of any right off
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- technically. my biggest three resolutions were a) to not take as much shit, b) to be a decent student for a change, and c) to legally change my name. well, i've gotten a little tougher (sadly and unfairly, part of my learning experience has been at the expense of others), i did piss-poorly the first semester but really freaking well this fall semester, and--whoohoo!--basically just have to show up in court now (January 5) to finalize my name change.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- you know, any other year and there probably would have been someone. my really cool second cousin Sarah is due any day now, but i haven't really talked to her in years.
-on the note of children, though, i did get to meet my niece, Brighit Louise, age 3. she wasn't born this year, obviously, but she was born into my life (and my older half-brother was reborn into my life).
4. Did anyone close to you die?
- we weren't close close, but i did have a friend who took his life the night of the first showing of the monologues. of course, suicide is always fucked up, but the most fucked-up part of all is that he had shown no signs of suicidal behavior, and then his girlfriend dumped him (for a "real" man) and called him by his birth name in an argument. two hours later, he was dead with a gun in his mouth. fuck you, world.
-otherwise, just Mocha, my hamster (DON'T. LAUGH.)
5. What countries did you visit?
- i haven't left the country since i went to Canny-dah last year.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
- my B.A.
- a real job
- a decent car that's in my name
- visible facial hair :)
- a roommate (besides Paul) who pays her/his rent and isn't a social invertebrate, a stove that works, and a shower that has faucet handles and doesn't have twenty years of mildew caked in it
8. What were your biggest achievements of the year?
- getting back on (and being able to stay on) T for nine months
- getting a GPA over 3.0 (fall semester, represent!)
- meeting and getting to know the wonderful person that is Amber
- getting my second Nemet scholarship for excellence in creative writing
9. What was your biggest failure?
- spring semester, and january through early april in general
- $$$$$$$
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- i was really fucking sick this spring. diagnosis: systemic lupus erythametosis, skeletal.
- should have asked about injury last year, which included a concussion from passing out, contusions from getting hit by an old guy in a car, and getting the shit beaten out of me more than once. but i've been lucky this year, injury-wise.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
- a double front compression shirt, from www.underworks.com. best. binder. ever.
- Amber's birthday present, which wasn't a thing, per se, but a small, furry, grey Comet :)
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
- Amber, for being able to handle me and actually wanting to stick around
- Rory, for getting in touch with me (and being totally cool with the Tran!)
- wolf2feathers , both for proving to be a kind and receptive soul and for starting his life over here in cleveland.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
- ugh. . .ex-psycho stalker, whom i thought had the potential to be a real friend
- my stupid roommates who got me evicted
- roughly half of the voting public--and also that asshole whom they voted for
14. Where did most of your money go?
- RENT (including my ex-roommates' share before i was evicted, fuck them very much)
- stolen, via credit cards, by ex-psycho stalker
- parking tickets/court fees
- testosterone and other transitional supplies (including the pending name change!!!)
- food
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Amber!!!!
- the March
- starting T again
- the upcoming name change
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
- Wilco - Reservations
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? oh god, so much happier
b)thinner or fatter? a little thinner :)
c) richer or poorer? blah. all my money went to staying alive last year, and now my parents are basically supporting me (ugh) this year. so broke both times.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- socializing, taking more initiative, communicating with my family about what was really going on
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- giving in to people and bad situations, wanting to die, working my ass off for nothing, risking my life
20. How will you be spending New Year's 2005?
- no clue. a few friends, including the fabulous and famous--flamous?--dietcokeboy have mentioned that they would like to do something, but there's no telling what
22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
- yes--very, very, very much so :)
23. How many one-night stands?
- i really don't want to think about casual sex right now.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
- ironically, the only place i lived in '04 that had cable was the evil freezing hellpit of eviction doom, and it was somehow bootlegged there (not by my doing). so i would say that it was a toss-up between I Love the '70s/'80s and--please, no one hurt me--Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. don't worry, though. i'm really miffed about the girl makeovers they're going to do--somehow it just really annoys me that there's this notion that men (gay men in this case) are better than women at everything up to and including making women look good. fuck that--unless you wear it yourself, keep your damn mouth shut.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- ugh. i don't want to think about hate.
26. What was the best book you read?
- i'll make a list: The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown, Sula by Toni Morrison, A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, Running With Scissors and Dry by Augusten Burroughs, Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut (surprise, i hadn't already read it)
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- The White Stripes, Wilco (whom i'd heard before, but not the good stuff), Tea for the Tillerman (i loved Cat Stevens already but had not heard a good chunk of the songs on that album)
28. What did you want and got?
- a really awesome partner, though i didn't know i wanted one until we found each other
- some trans visibility on campus
- to like school again
- a hearing date (name change, name change)
- a MANGO! (if you know what i'm talking about, you win at life.)
29. What did you want and not get?
- to oust Bush from office
- a bilateral mastectomy
- to be left alone when i said "leave me alone"
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
- Napoleon Dynamite, Coffee and Cigarettes, and Garden State. these were the only ones i coughed up the dough to see in a theater (i also rented/borrowed from my old landlord a bunch of videos, but they were mostly old), and they were worth every penny.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- it was my 23rd. i partied sedately with my friends and then spent the actual day with my parents, since all my finals were done early on this semester.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- if i didn't feel like so much money got wasted--from getting evicted when i was supporting unhelpful people to prevent being evicted, from being robbed by a "friend," from a million ridiculous parking tickets, from fucking up my spring semester. it's not the money itself that i care about. it's just how hard i fucking worked just to make my life work, and how it all fell through in the late winter/early spring of '04.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
- i think i have turned into a vain faggot and have become very persnickety about what goes on my body. but i'm pretty sure it looks good--one part bohemian, one part retro, and two parts preppy schoolboy.
34. What kept you sane?
- having my kitty Jack
- Amber's undying support
- a feeling that i was slowly making my way toward graduation
- having LiveJournal (and my personal writing) to kvetch through
- good music
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- no one who is currently in the spotlight, anyway.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
- the "same-sex marriage" bans
- WAR WAR WAR (see also Genocide, Attempted; Xenophobia, American; President, Oil-Hungry)
- direct, undisguised threats to Roe vs. Wade
37. Who did you miss?
- Kevin
- my friends who have graduated and wisely left town
- Amber, over one long lonely summer and one much shorter but no less lonely winter break
38. Who was the best new person you met?
- Amber (iwishihadariver)
- Charity (lesbianpacifist)
- the UPCRS, particularly Bekkah (flyingoctopus) and Kelly (kellygotback)
-Juliet (houglet)
-Paul (wolf2feathers)
- Nate (dietcokeboy)
-Devorah(crayolaonsuede)
and wouldn't you know, i didn't meet a single one of them through LiveJournal, even though they all have them. really, i swear.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
- never, EVER take the status quo for granted. also, "i'll pay you back" is usually bullshit, however well-intended it may be.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
- ooh, baby baby, it's a wild world/it's hard to get by on just a smile ~Cat Stevens, "Wild World"
- i walk in stride with people/much taller than me/and partly it's my boots/but mostly it's my chi ~Ani DiFranco, "Evolve"