(no subject)
being at home with the parents (and Amber) has been fairly pleasant. they got her a birthday cake and some presents, and she enjoyed them. the cats are also bombarding her with affection.
today, i watched In America with my mom and Amber. there's a dead son/brother in the story, and i definitely saw my mom crying a few times. i hugged her afterward.
i wish she would fucking talk about it. i know i say that all the time. but. i miss him so much. i walk around my parents' place and there are tons of pictures of me--all high school, of course--and none of him. all of his stuff, save what i have stashed in my room or have taken with me to cleveland, is god-knows-where. my mother deliberately leaves him out of discussions of the past, or stops herself if she starts to let him slip through. damn it, i want him. i want him in our words. i want him on the walls. i want his handwriting (which was eerily similar to mine) to be in other places than just the unexpected pop-ups that make me cry.
Amber was lying beside me. there was a tear on her cheek.
"what's wrong?" i asked, brushing it away and touching my salty finger to my lips.
"i just. . .i know that i want my children to know and love my sibling," she whispered.
she really loves me.
today, i watched In America with my mom and Amber. there's a dead son/brother in the story, and i definitely saw my mom crying a few times. i hugged her afterward.
i wish she would fucking talk about it. i know i say that all the time. but. i miss him so much. i walk around my parents' place and there are tons of pictures of me--all high school, of course--and none of him. all of his stuff, save what i have stashed in my room or have taken with me to cleveland, is god-knows-where. my mother deliberately leaves him out of discussions of the past, or stops herself if she starts to let him slip through. damn it, i want him. i want him in our words. i want him on the walls. i want his handwriting (which was eerily similar to mine) to be in other places than just the unexpected pop-ups that make me cry.
Amber was lying beside me. there was a tear on her cheek.
"what's wrong?" i asked, brushing it away and touching my salty finger to my lips.
"i just. . .i know that i want my children to know and love my sibling," she whispered.
she really loves me.