pain...
i hurt, i hurt very very much.... i feel cast out and i don't know why... feels like my friends really aren't my friends, like maybe they just don't have the heart to tell me they really don't like me... it is very possible i'm just paranoid.... i think i was wrong about josh... nothing bad against him, you don't choose who you care about... again i could be way off.... i just feel like i'm spinning out of control and there is nothing i can do.... so tonight, pills and alcohol... not like a death thing, it's a get fucked up and pass out thing.... i know what i can and can't take... i really wish i could just have my friends rally round the pixie... i feel very alone right now... hopefully i'll be better by morning.......