You know who you are
Ok, I'm actually listening to Songs Ohia-Almost Was Good Enough, but I would definitely be listening to the Arcade Fire right now if I had the CD handy.
I'm sick of this shit, I'm sick of being sick, I'm sick of being so subdued when all I want to do is lash out and release all this pent up aggression. Fucking SHIT!! I've been so out of it the past two weeks, feeling a little out of my mind. One second I'll feel relatively okay, then my mind will start to wonder, and the thought of how worthless I am will pop into my head, and I'll feel incredibly depressed. Then I'll get really frustrated with myself for thinking of such dramatic bullshit. I'm in constant conflict with myself.
I have these anxiety attacks, and get the shacks. For example: The other day I went to target to get a cd cassette adapter for my car. I drove into the parking lot and sat in my car for like 10 minutes with this terrible feeling like I was choking. I looked around, and the people around me actually scared the shit out of me. I don't know why I was so fucking scared. My co-ordination hasn't really been up to par lately either. It's like I have to concentrate in order to walk without stumbling over myself like a drunk or something like that. It doesn't really matter though, Fuck it.
I don't understand what you saw in me. I'm not what you think I am. I'm not as cool, or as smart as you think I am. Half the meaningless bullshit gibberish that comes out of my mouth is just regurgitated nonsense that I heard from my brother. I don't know what the hell I'm saying half the time. I'm a phony.
Despite all these things I will say that it wasn't very cool how everytime we hung out either you, or someone with us found it apropriate to bring up that name; that fucking name. You know who I'm talking about. It was fine in moderation, but everytime (well most of the time atleast) I was given a reminder of all the things that you did with him, and well I got jealous. I know thats not your fault but...
Well where do we take it from here? I don't know, but I'll say this. I will miss you.
I'm sick of this shit, I'm sick of being sick, I'm sick of being so subdued when all I want to do is lash out and release all this pent up aggression. Fucking SHIT!! I've been so out of it the past two weeks, feeling a little out of my mind. One second I'll feel relatively okay, then my mind will start to wonder, and the thought of how worthless I am will pop into my head, and I'll feel incredibly depressed. Then I'll get really frustrated with myself for thinking of such dramatic bullshit. I'm in constant conflict with myself.
I have these anxiety attacks, and get the shacks. For example: The other day I went to target to get a cd cassette adapter for my car. I drove into the parking lot and sat in my car for like 10 minutes with this terrible feeling like I was choking. I looked around, and the people around me actually scared the shit out of me. I don't know why I was so fucking scared. My co-ordination hasn't really been up to par lately either. It's like I have to concentrate in order to walk without stumbling over myself like a drunk or something like that. It doesn't really matter though, Fuck it.
I don't understand what you saw in me. I'm not what you think I am. I'm not as cool, or as smart as you think I am. Half the meaningless bullshit gibberish that comes out of my mouth is just regurgitated nonsense that I heard from my brother. I don't know what the hell I'm saying half the time. I'm a phony.
Despite all these things I will say that it wasn't very cool how everytime we hung out either you, or someone with us found it apropriate to bring up that name; that fucking name. You know who I'm talking about. It was fine in moderation, but everytime (well most of the time atleast) I was given a reminder of all the things that you did with him, and well I got jealous. I know thats not your fault but...
Well where do we take it from here? I don't know, but I'll say this. I will miss you.