My Pledge... Of Sorts, Lol.
So today (or rather 2 hours ago) was Salem's birthday. He's a whole 2 -years-old!!! I can't believe how fast time can be. Oscar I feel I've had for an eternity. But with the cats it only seems like a year. No more than that.
So I've been doing really good. I mean, I feel good inside. I feel like my life is starting to make sense. And I realised that I was never quite as fucked up as I appeared to be. Which you only realise when you meet some of the nutters out there.
See, although I call Amber my sister, she's actually my cousin. She's a ward of the state until she's 18, and she's in my mum's care. So it's easier if I just acknowledge her as my sister, and I feel like she is. Her dad, Jamie, came down (or is it up?) from Emerald and he's living with Christine (Amber's biological mum) and her daughter, Amy. And so they all decided they were going to go to Alexandra Park for a barbeque. I wasn't going to go at first, cause I felt like crap when I first woke up, but I figured if I didn't go I would have much to get me through the weekend till Tuesday. Since I still don't have a friggin' car that goes! So I took a hayfever tablet cause that's my current ailment, and went to town. I met Jamie, he seemed fine, and then mum introduced me to this guy, Gavin who she'd told me a little about last night, and I got the feeling right then that he was odd. But Amber and Amy scampered off and I went looking for them. I met up with Matt (my brother) and we found the others pretty quick, but decided that the two of us would look around at the animals. We started at the silky chickens, the emus, wallabies and kangaroo and then went over to look at the birds. So then I asked Matt if he wanted to go for a walk down the path so that you can see the animals that are at the bottom of this small cascading waterfall. So we're down at the bottom and I look up and I swear I saw Gavin looking down at us, and I was like, "Matt, isn't that the guy from up at the bbq?" And he wasn't sure, so I got him to start moving so we could get back to the bbq site. And then Gavin came back not too long after. So Matt and I started making our way over to the old cannon, and I was looking at the bamboo, cause I've been really into LOST lately and it made me remember the scene where Jack is in the bamboo forest when the plane first crashes. And then I look around and there's Gavin again, so I avoid eye contact and we make our way back to our site, and I stick really close to my mum and wonder if I should give her the signal that I'm uncomfortable with the dude. But I don't. Instead I remain pretty much surgically attached to my mum's hip, until she goes over and leaves me, and I can't really follow without appearing like I'm a total moron too! So Gavin starts speaking to me, and I'm trying to listen to him talk about all these weird things that make absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. And he keeps making odd comments. Like how he's "wild", and yes he's referring to his sexual appetite, and I'm just trying to give the hint that I'm actually very... withdrawn and that I'm completely modest in my ideals. And at one point I brought up the Chinese Silky Chickens down at the park and I swear I could've kicked myself cause then I realised it opened up the perfect opportunity for us to take a stroll... So I changed the subject, mwaha. Not going to get into one of those situations again. But the guy was totally freaky. I could feel his eyes on me when my mum was talking and not in that good way. Even now, thinking about it gives me the shivers. It really freaks me out. Cause... he's a bad guy. I can tell this. He is a man that is capable of committing the worst attrosities against a person. He is someone who could snap, and he is more scary than Ben Harper on LOST... I mean, he's real! Meeting that man today, meeting him wants me to revert to an infant stage of curling up in the foetal position or taking to sleep with a knife under my pillow. This man is capable of too much...
I told my mum about this later on, and she told me that Jamie felt the same way. And he really doesn't want Gavin being around Amy, which is totally understandable. I wouldn't want a guy like that around my kids, if I had them that is. At least I know I'm not being paranoid. The guy is just plain weird.
I've decided to get into shape. I'm going to check out the National Park that's not far from my house tomorrow afternoon, and I'm in the middle of cleaning up my room. Gonna change my life around. I know I can do it. I don't suffer from depression anymore. I still have low self esteem, but I'm not always blue for no reason. Well actually I never am. I still have those odd moments that I feel empty, but it's usually when I'm sleeping in the day time and up all night. I know I can turn this all around. Make something of what I was given. And I'm committing to this. No matter what. So this will serve as a pledge of sorts. I'm not going to give in. No matter what comes up. When I get upset or down, I'm gonna make myself so happy it'll make me sick ^_^If I fall, I'm gonna get right back up. Mwaha, Lauren has her mojo back. Look out world!!!
Love,
Zemphy.
So I've been doing really good. I mean, I feel good inside. I feel like my life is starting to make sense. And I realised that I was never quite as fucked up as I appeared to be. Which you only realise when you meet some of the nutters out there.
See, although I call Amber my sister, she's actually my cousin. She's a ward of the state until she's 18, and she's in my mum's care. So it's easier if I just acknowledge her as my sister, and I feel like she is. Her dad, Jamie, came down (or is it up?) from Emerald and he's living with Christine (Amber's biological mum) and her daughter, Amy. And so they all decided they were going to go to Alexandra Park for a barbeque. I wasn't going to go at first, cause I felt like crap when I first woke up, but I figured if I didn't go I would have much to get me through the weekend till Tuesday. Since I still don't have a friggin' car that goes! So I took a hayfever tablet cause that's my current ailment, and went to town. I met Jamie, he seemed fine, and then mum introduced me to this guy, Gavin who she'd told me a little about last night, and I got the feeling right then that he was odd. But Amber and Amy scampered off and I went looking for them. I met up with Matt (my brother) and we found the others pretty quick, but decided that the two of us would look around at the animals. We started at the silky chickens, the emus, wallabies and kangaroo and then went over to look at the birds. So then I asked Matt if he wanted to go for a walk down the path so that you can see the animals that are at the bottom of this small cascading waterfall. So we're down at the bottom and I look up and I swear I saw Gavin looking down at us, and I was like, "Matt, isn't that the guy from up at the bbq?" And he wasn't sure, so I got him to start moving so we could get back to the bbq site. And then Gavin came back not too long after. So Matt and I started making our way over to the old cannon, and I was looking at the bamboo, cause I've been really into LOST lately and it made me remember the scene where Jack is in the bamboo forest when the plane first crashes. And then I look around and there's Gavin again, so I avoid eye contact and we make our way back to our site, and I stick really close to my mum and wonder if I should give her the signal that I'm uncomfortable with the dude. But I don't. Instead I remain pretty much surgically attached to my mum's hip, until she goes over and leaves me, and I can't really follow without appearing like I'm a total moron too! So Gavin starts speaking to me, and I'm trying to listen to him talk about all these weird things that make absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. And he keeps making odd comments. Like how he's "wild", and yes he's referring to his sexual appetite, and I'm just trying to give the hint that I'm actually very... withdrawn and that I'm completely modest in my ideals. And at one point I brought up the Chinese Silky Chickens down at the park and I swear I could've kicked myself cause then I realised it opened up the perfect opportunity for us to take a stroll... So I changed the subject, mwaha. Not going to get into one of those situations again. But the guy was totally freaky. I could feel his eyes on me when my mum was talking and not in that good way. Even now, thinking about it gives me the shivers. It really freaks me out. Cause... he's a bad guy. I can tell this. He is a man that is capable of committing the worst attrosities against a person. He is someone who could snap, and he is more scary than Ben Harper on LOST... I mean, he's real! Meeting that man today, meeting him wants me to revert to an infant stage of curling up in the foetal position or taking to sleep with a knife under my pillow. This man is capable of too much...
I told my mum about this later on, and she told me that Jamie felt the same way. And he really doesn't want Gavin being around Amy, which is totally understandable. I wouldn't want a guy like that around my kids, if I had them that is. At least I know I'm not being paranoid. The guy is just plain weird.
I've decided to get into shape. I'm going to check out the National Park that's not far from my house tomorrow afternoon, and I'm in the middle of cleaning up my room. Gonna change my life around. I know I can do it. I don't suffer from depression anymore. I still have low self esteem, but I'm not always blue for no reason. Well actually I never am. I still have those odd moments that I feel empty, but it's usually when I'm sleeping in the day time and up all night. I know I can turn this all around. Make something of what I was given. And I'm committing to this. No matter what. So this will serve as a pledge of sorts. I'm not going to give in. No matter what comes up. When I get upset or down, I'm gonna make myself so happy it'll make me sick ^_^If I fall, I'm gonna get right back up. Mwaha, Lauren has her mojo back. Look out world!!!
Love,
Zemphy.