(no subject)
so I forgot how anxious and depressed and obsessed crushes can make me
I'm hopeless and socially inept. asdflsdfkljdskldsl. someone should just throw me in Lake Michigan; maybe the cold will make me wake up and smell reality.
the main problem is that somewhere inside I know I'm a girl who gets what she wants. this is not entirely accurate to life, but it is pretty accurate. have seriously crushed on 3 people before this; has worked out with 2; both of those relationships ended on my terms. My level of determination and optimistic fatalism is about that high. if you asked me what I honestly thought I would say I have a chance despite evidence to the contrary, but occasionally something he says or the way he leaves a conversation will throw that all out the window and my confidence in my chances will be zilch. It doesn't help that past rejection experience has been total loss of friend.
I'm trying to focus on school so this will be less of a self-esteem roller coaster but some of that can't be helped, especially not after dark. For some reason the end of the day makes my emotional capacity to deal and say things are okay all the more fragile. stupid anxiety.
I'm hopeless and socially inept. asdflsdfkljdskldsl. someone should just throw me in Lake Michigan; maybe the cold will make me wake up and smell reality.
the main problem is that somewhere inside I know I'm a girl who gets what she wants. this is not entirely accurate to life, but it is pretty accurate. have seriously crushed on 3 people before this; has worked out with 2; both of those relationships ended on my terms. My level of determination and optimistic fatalism is about that high. if you asked me what I honestly thought I would say I have a chance despite evidence to the contrary, but occasionally something he says or the way he leaves a conversation will throw that all out the window and my confidence in my chances will be zilch. It doesn't help that past rejection experience has been total loss of friend.
I'm trying to focus on school so this will be less of a self-esteem roller coaster but some of that can't be helped, especially not after dark. For some reason the end of the day makes my emotional capacity to deal and say things are okay all the more fragile. stupid anxiety.