(Untitled)

[zempasuchil]

I'd like to complain for a minute about how Robert Bly's translations are just really dumb.

I'm looking particularly at his Lorca translations on www.poets.org, because I was looking for Lorca poems for motherlessguns. I saw his and went :\? and then saw the originals and to his went >:/. Just, no. He does some interesting stuff, not all his choices are

Comments

[zempasuchil]

Yay! I'm glad you read this! I was really interested in hearing what you'd have to say, as a native Spanish speaker who also knows English super well.

I think I might've been more inclined towards martyrdom because I've been translating another volume of more religiously-themed poetry, by Yolanda Bedregal. Thanks for the clarification. Knowing how similar certain synonyms are is one of the most difficult things for me, because of course synonyms are never the exact same, right, but it's necessary to think them all through anyway to be very sure about connotation. *makes a note of martirio~torture*

OH TOTALLY gosh I can't believe I didn't see that dormir/sueño difference in that apples line. Do you really think "sleep through"? Cos that sounds like he'd be missing it, which sounds odd to me since he wants to sleep. It might sound too strange to say "I want to sleep the dream of apples"... hmm!

I see also that you've translated enterarme as to learn of - I had a hard time figuring out what enterarse meant, I think I slipped up with the dictionary and kinda fumbled something together. I like "to learn of," heh, my translation was clunky and misjudged. I might like "hear of" or "hear about" too.

that dark boy who longed to cut his heart out - yes, that's what I wondered about! I like "cut his heart out" better than Bly's kind of awkward "cut his heart open far out at sea" - there are too many prepositions there: open, out, at. Cutting it out is very dramatic and more... poetic, really. Though I have to be careful with that. I think a lot of the weird stuff Bly did was because he thought his idea was more poetic than the closer translation :/ I didn't like that.

YAY I am super happy you like mine (better than his, yesss), and super happy for your feedback and suggestions :D this is so helpful, seriously. you rock.

[engelen]

Seriously, that guy... RAGE... I certainly doubt he knew what he was doing. Someone else commented that he translated a Nordic poem? I think that if you're going to be a literature translation, you should specialize in ONE language, and make it your upmost priority.

I'ts ok. The thing is, in Spanish we use the word "martirio" to talk about suffering in day-to-day situations, it's not just a religious word. Like "estar todo el día en la cocina es un martirio," or "esta tarea es un martirio".
I think he was going for "hard work" in that verse. You could go with suffering or "the bitter work"

I'm not sure about "sleep through," maybe I've got the wrong meaning there? I added "through" because, "sleep the dream" DOES sound weird... and he'snot saying "soñar el sueño," which sould be "to dream the dream" (LOL Susan Boyle). But, the thing is, "dormir el sueño" is weird in Spanish too.

Enterarme... it could certainly be "hear of" or "hear about" They're both right. I went with "to learn of" because that's what came to my mind? XD

TBH, I didn't read all of Bly's translation, it made me go RAAAEEGG!!!!! So I stopped about halfway through... I couldn't. It was pure butchering XD Also, I realized I should have written "because I want to live with that dark boy" Hahaha, mai inglich quiqued in :P
(live =/= leave, but I still make that phonetic mistake in my mind. Like, I THINK the sounds of the word, not the spelling).

I hope you take my feedback in consideration and can make a much better version :D As well as I may speak English, I am not a native and still make mistakes D:

[engelen]

a much better version than Bly's that is!