Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday...
The excitement builds as the fateful day approaches - in exactly 95 hours and 40 minutes I will be home in Connecticut, probably with my first Dunkin Donuts coffee of the week, and hanging with the world's best mother and father on the planet. You all can be extremely jealous right now, because I will be sailing on the ATLANTIC OCEAN (that's right, not a big ugly lake) in a little sailboat, begging my father not to bend over (well, at least not in my general direction) because his ass crack shows. I will lay out on the front of the boat under the jib and feel the rocking sensation as we careen over the choppy seas. Ah, life. And my mom will have made some bitching picnic food to munch on, and hopefully my melanin will react to the sunlight in non-painful ways so as I will look something other than albino. Honestly Dad, enough comments on how I glow in the dark.
Last night was a rite of passage - my eyebrows took the ride down the waxed express. Wendy was kind enough to "shape" them for me, though I was shocked at how much hair came off and equally amazed at how much was left because I thought she had even taken my eyelashes with it. Perhaps it was a good idea to start with that. I am happy to report that it doesn't really hurt at all, especially in comparison to nether regions, which is why you can easily do your eyebrows at home but should leave the bikini to the professionals. Enough said.
It has been a good couple of days, because I have actually made time to spend with my number one woman, Wendy. I think hanging with guys sucks after a while because you don't really have the same comfort level or connection to them that you can have with your girlfriends. I really want to know why this is. Is it the sex thing? Does having the appropriate parts for reproduction hinder heterosexual males and females from being close friends? Is it primal? Does the animal part of the brain kick in, the mind sensing the other person's pheromones, instantly understanding that it longs to share intimate contact with the other for no other reason than because it can? This whole philosophy confuses me. It seems, as well, that men are much more simple in this reaction because they see it all in black and white (not all, I realize I am generalizing). A girl is attractive to them (which doesn't necessarily have to be physically) and they want to bone her. Otherwise, the girl is of no use to them as a friend because it could possibly hinder future opportunities for enhanced physical interactions with other females. With women, they just think about it too much. They have staying power, they have the desire to settle much faster than the average male. Therefore, thinking into the future, if they know that there is the possibility for this to not be satisfactory for an extended period of time, they tend to forgo the interaction. And it has nothing to do with their wants and desires, because they most certainly would participate if not for the thought process. It really is a shame that two people cannot be friends if paired with complimentary sexualities, primarily opposing sexes.
And why does it always have to be about sex? I am not one to speak, because I love sex and have no problem being open about it, but what ever happened to thinking, sharing your thoughts, beliefs, wants, needs, desires, interests, and opinions with each other? Can't an emotional connection be far more satisfying than a physical one? Physical stimulation is fleeting; something which is pleasureful will eventually cross to painful if done for an extended period of time (it's called friction, folks). Whereas emotional/mental stimulation is something that could last you a lifetime. Your brain never gets rug burn, why not exercise it? Think about something outside your box and really stretch to learn all you can. To share that with someone else and to have a bond over your common views, and maybe even over conflicting views, is something that will never end. It is what you remember about good relationships, good partnerships. Granted pleasure is memorable, but great sex cannot make up for emotional or mental abuse. Case in point, my last relationship.
I have been thinking about that a lot lately, my relationship with Randy. I know that may scare some, but trust me, it is not due to the fact I want him or our relationship back in any way. I want to figure out my issues and now that I have had time to interact with other people and get close to some people, I am hearing complaints about traits Randy blamed me for having. I know that my communication skills with men are piss poor. I have this uncanny ability to just shut up when I should say something, and bury the feelings, the anguish, the hurt, the anger, the uncertainty under a layer of smiles and just move on. I see how I do this, but as I start to think about how I would approach speaking about something, I hear Randy telling me how inadequate my concerns are, how base and inconsequential, to the point I feel saying anything is just going to get me interrupted and proven wrong. The psychosis is really killing me, and its destroying the possibility of good relationships. Example. My friend Matt and I have been friends for a while now. When we first met, he was much more giving of his time and energy. To me, its really not about the material things one can give to you, but the favors, the gestures that show they care and respect you. He says things sometimes that are nice, but last night I did him a favor by going over to his house to take his dog out while he was at work. I saw what a mess his apartment was, and I did what I do best - I started cleaning. I folded clean laundry, did loads of laundry which were dirty, vacuumed, cleaned dishes, neatened up, took out trash, and even brought over leftovers from Hooters for him. He was surprised, but he was not nearly as thankful as I would be in his position, but then again, that is why I am not him. I guess you can never get what you want unless you ask for it, even if you think that by doing nice things for people will reward you. Thus, I went to sleep tired, woke up tired, and came to work depressed. The ten days home will be good for me, to be with people who will actually give back to me when I scrub their baseboards. My mom actually hates that I come home and clean, but appreciates it nonetheless. I think I will attack my brother's room and see how he likes it after I have completely obliterated his "sense of order" - though the stench of boy doesn't entirely appeal to me.
Ok, this diatribe was far too long for today. I really need to learn how to stop thinking sometimes, because my brain will blow up eventually. I already have smoke trailing upwards from my ears. Time to go find a fire extinguisher.
Last night was a rite of passage - my eyebrows took the ride down the waxed express. Wendy was kind enough to "shape" them for me, though I was shocked at how much hair came off and equally amazed at how much was left because I thought she had even taken my eyelashes with it. Perhaps it was a good idea to start with that. I am happy to report that it doesn't really hurt at all, especially in comparison to nether regions, which is why you can easily do your eyebrows at home but should leave the bikini to the professionals. Enough said.
It has been a good couple of days, because I have actually made time to spend with my number one woman, Wendy. I think hanging with guys sucks after a while because you don't really have the same comfort level or connection to them that you can have with your girlfriends. I really want to know why this is. Is it the sex thing? Does having the appropriate parts for reproduction hinder heterosexual males and females from being close friends? Is it primal? Does the animal part of the brain kick in, the mind sensing the other person's pheromones, instantly understanding that it longs to share intimate contact with the other for no other reason than because it can? This whole philosophy confuses me. It seems, as well, that men are much more simple in this reaction because they see it all in black and white (not all, I realize I am generalizing). A girl is attractive to them (which doesn't necessarily have to be physically) and they want to bone her. Otherwise, the girl is of no use to them as a friend because it could possibly hinder future opportunities for enhanced physical interactions with other females. With women, they just think about it too much. They have staying power, they have the desire to settle much faster than the average male. Therefore, thinking into the future, if they know that there is the possibility for this to not be satisfactory for an extended period of time, they tend to forgo the interaction. And it has nothing to do with their wants and desires, because they most certainly would participate if not for the thought process. It really is a shame that two people cannot be friends if paired with complimentary sexualities, primarily opposing sexes.
And why does it always have to be about sex? I am not one to speak, because I love sex and have no problem being open about it, but what ever happened to thinking, sharing your thoughts, beliefs, wants, needs, desires, interests, and opinions with each other? Can't an emotional connection be far more satisfying than a physical one? Physical stimulation is fleeting; something which is pleasureful will eventually cross to painful if done for an extended period of time (it's called friction, folks). Whereas emotional/mental stimulation is something that could last you a lifetime. Your brain never gets rug burn, why not exercise it? Think about something outside your box and really stretch to learn all you can. To share that with someone else and to have a bond over your common views, and maybe even over conflicting views, is something that will never end. It is what you remember about good relationships, good partnerships. Granted pleasure is memorable, but great sex cannot make up for emotional or mental abuse. Case in point, my last relationship.
I have been thinking about that a lot lately, my relationship with Randy. I know that may scare some, but trust me, it is not due to the fact I want him or our relationship back in any way. I want to figure out my issues and now that I have had time to interact with other people and get close to some people, I am hearing complaints about traits Randy blamed me for having. I know that my communication skills with men are piss poor. I have this uncanny ability to just shut up when I should say something, and bury the feelings, the anguish, the hurt, the anger, the uncertainty under a layer of smiles and just move on. I see how I do this, but as I start to think about how I would approach speaking about something, I hear Randy telling me how inadequate my concerns are, how base and inconsequential, to the point I feel saying anything is just going to get me interrupted and proven wrong. The psychosis is really killing me, and its destroying the possibility of good relationships. Example. My friend Matt and I have been friends for a while now. When we first met, he was much more giving of his time and energy. To me, its really not about the material things one can give to you, but the favors, the gestures that show they care and respect you. He says things sometimes that are nice, but last night I did him a favor by going over to his house to take his dog out while he was at work. I saw what a mess his apartment was, and I did what I do best - I started cleaning. I folded clean laundry, did loads of laundry which were dirty, vacuumed, cleaned dishes, neatened up, took out trash, and even brought over leftovers from Hooters for him. He was surprised, but he was not nearly as thankful as I would be in his position, but then again, that is why I am not him. I guess you can never get what you want unless you ask for it, even if you think that by doing nice things for people will reward you. Thus, I went to sleep tired, woke up tired, and came to work depressed. The ten days home will be good for me, to be with people who will actually give back to me when I scrub their baseboards. My mom actually hates that I come home and clean, but appreciates it nonetheless. I think I will attack my brother's room and see how he likes it after I have completely obliterated his "sense of order" - though the stench of boy doesn't entirely appeal to me.
Ok, this diatribe was far too long for today. I really need to learn how to stop thinking sometimes, because my brain will blow up eventually. I already have smoke trailing upwards from my ears. Time to go find a fire extinguisher.