Erik Letter 1 --- 12-07-03

Dec 07, 2003 01:16

Dear Erik,

It was so pretty on my way home from my babysitting job tonight. There was just enough moisture on the ground from the rain the day before that it froze like a million tiny crystals -- glistening like diamonds under the light of a 3/4 full moon. And on my way home from work, the clouds were beautiful shades of pink and light blue backdroped against a dark indigo sky. I wish I could just take a color picker to the sky and forever hold these colors. Course, for some reason when I looked at the frost and I looked at the sunset, I thought of you.

I can't believe that 3 years have passed since I last spoke to you. I only wish you could see how much not having you in my life is tearing me up inside. I have loved a couple of other people since, but the love I have for them will never measure up to the love I've felt, and continue to feel, for you. Even with your absence, I take strength and some courage from the fact the someday, in life or death, we will meet eachother again. The only regret that I have about knowing you is the fact that we left so much unsaid and so much undone. I made a promise to you three years ago, a promise that I still hold to this day. I made a promise never to forget you, and to that promise I have held true.

Wishing you were somehow here again,
Wishing you were somehow near,
Sometimes it seems if I just dreamed,
Somehow you would appear.
Wishing I could hear your voice again,
Knowing that I never would...
Dreaming of you won't help me to do,
all that you dreamed I could...
Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die? ...
Help me to say goodbye...

Umm... I suppose now that I should break down some walls. I've recently discovered some things about myself that I feel that others should know about me... just call it my atempt at letting people know who I am. :\ Because the happy person people used to know isn't really me at all... at least not who I am in the dark.
I'm only going to break down one wall right now as it's 3:15 am and I want to eventually fall asleep x.x;;
Anyway...
This is one of those things for me that my heart registers before my brain and that is the fact that I have just recently discovered that I am bi-sexual. The reason for this is, I never got the kind of love that I needed growing up, and I'm finding that the only way I can get that love is from other people; it matters not whether it is from woman or man. So if you chose to judge me in a negative context because of this, that is your choice. Whatever.

Hmm...

Name: Emily Celeste
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Height: 5'7"
Astrology: Sagittarius
Zodiac: Pig
Sexuality: Bi
Strengths: open minded, listens, loves all who calls her friend
Weaknesses: depression, not trusting others, letting people know her, bottling up her emotions, her friends
Hates: fighting, stuck-up people, being told what to do, un-wanted authority
Color: Gold, Royal Blue, Royal Purple
Hobbies: collecting the Yu-gi-oh! and Digimon TCG's, the internet, writing and reading
Dream: to become a pro-wrestler
Manga: Shaman King, Yu-gi-oh!, Saint Seiya: Knights of the Zodiac, Angelic Layer, Naruto, Hikaru no Go, Dragonball, Dragonball Z, Naruto, Yu Yu Hakusho, G Gundam, Sandland, Gravitation, FAKE, Sailor Moon, Magic Knight Rayearth, Inu-yasha, Ranma 1/2...
Anime: Shaman King, Yu-gi-oh!, Gravitation, Dragonball, G Gundam, Sailor Moon...
Music: Linkin Park, Creed, The Eagles, Kotoya Kinya, ...
Shows: Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Enterprise, WWE Smackdown, Smallville, Seinfeld...
Movies: Star Trek: Nemesis, The Scorpion King, Holes, The Princess Diaries, What a Girl Wants, Tomb Raider 1 & 2, The Prince of Egypt, Shrek, Lord of the Rings Trilogy...

Pressing On Lyrics

by Relient K

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
There's only one thing left to do.
Drop all I have and go with you.

[Chorus:]
Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind.
My problems fell out of the back of my mind.
We're going and I'm never knowing (never knowing) where we're going.
To go back to where I was would just be wrong.
I'm pressing on.
Pressing on, all my distress is going, going, gone. (pressing on, pressing on)
And I won't sit back, and take this anymore.
'Cause I'm done with that, I've got one foot out the door.
And to go back where I was would just be wrong
I'm pressing on.

I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Out of mind, out of state.
Trying to keep my head on straight.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here.
Adversity, we get around it.
Searched for joy, in you I found it.

You look down on me, but you don't look down on me at all.
You smile and laugh, and I feel the love you have for me.
I think we're going somewhere.
We're on to something good here, and we're gonna make it after all


Happy Birthday, Em-chan! *glomps and pounces you* Hope you had a wonderful
one! ^_~ Sorry this is so late, but life has conspired to keep me off the 'Net
lately. ;_; I sent you a letter with a little gift inside, but said gift tried
to make an escape so the post office sent it back. So I will be getting that
to you as soon as I figure out a way to keep it inside (you'll see what I mean
when you get it XD). And about the graphics you sent, I'll be getting those up
asap. Was waiting until I finished a new layout and re-organized Ethereal, but
I don't have the time for it right now so I'm just going to get the stuff you
sent up in the next day or so. Well, as soon as my freakin' webserver stops
acting up and lets me upload things again. ^_~

So yeah, hope you enjoyed your birthday and received everything you wanted!
*huggles*

Luv you, =)

~Marie



Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I love you <3
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
i love me too ^_^ hehe
i love you as well
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I cannot tell that to you enough
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
honestly I can't
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
you honestly have no idea what it is you mean to me
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
not even a small idea?
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
no
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
tiny itty bitty idea?
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
no
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
if you even contemplate ever leaving me, I will hunt you down and make you pay
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I've already lost Erik
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
and I can't lose you too
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
even if we are only friends
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I will always love you
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
there's so much I want to say to you right now...
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
and i will always love you too
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
so much you deserve to know
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
because quite honestly...
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
*looks at clock* well, i can stay for another 30 minutes or so before i start dozzing off
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
you have absolutely know idea who it is I am
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
well, i thought you were emily mac... mcna.... um, Emily M.
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
that is but a name given to me by the people who I thought loved me...
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
mine was pat macrotch, but then i had it changed later
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*hugs*
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
*hugs*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
random question:
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
if someone told you they were bi-sexual, what would your reaction be?
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
well, that just depends on who it was... i mean, if it was another guy, i'd have to let him know that i didn't swing that way, and if it was another girl, i'd have to say "DAMN, HOOK ME UP BABY ^_^^_^" hehe
seriously though, that first half was my serious answer
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
and if I told you I was bi-sexual?
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
i'd have to say "DAMN, HOOK ME UP BABY!!! O.O (or at least let me watch ^_^)
but honestly, i would say its your life and you make your own decisions and life style changes, etc
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*hugs*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
sometimes you make this too easy
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
*hugs* i know ^_^
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
random thought... that amelda guy is.... um, well, whats the correct way to put it without hurting feelings... oh yeah, every time i look at him, i think of the song "dude looks like a lady"
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
lol!
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I agree xD
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
its the hair cut lol
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
i was like man, thats a hot looking chic.... oh my god, those are man boobs O.O
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
lol!
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
aw, its so good to see yugi and kaiba working together so well ^_^
but anyways, back to the main convo lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*hugs*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
thank you for making me laugh... for the first time today, because of you, I've smiled
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
and because of amelda, i'm never gonna look at anime women the same way again
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
lol!
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
-.- surprised there isn't any yaoi with her... er, him lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
course not
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
=P
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:

Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*huggles* <3
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
*huggles back*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
did you figure out yet why I asked you the bi-sexual questions yet?
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
i'm not THAT dense - yeah, i think i figured out why you asked that question
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
lol
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
you have a bi-sexual friend and don't know how to handle it
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
no...
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
i know silly
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
that was a joke
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*smack*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:

Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
hey, you may not be that dense, but I am
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
lol
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
http://quantumtimefire.homestead.com/files/gifts/embirthday.jpg
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
>)
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*pounce*
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I feel sometimes I don't deserve you...
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:

Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:

Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
xD
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*and don't tell me you didn't see that one coming xD*
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:

Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
something i don't understand about the doom arc
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
are they able to summon actual monsters now due to some magic spell?
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
*shrugs*
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
-.-
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
why do you think that?
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
well, for starters, in one of the later episodes (when the big bad's plan is starting to take fruit), kaiba is able to summon his blue eyes to attack more monsters in front of them (not from another duelist)
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
I haven't seen it so I couldn't honestly tell you xD
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
well, then you aren't gonna wanna know what happens next
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
kaiba loses his soul?
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
joey
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
kaiba does too
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:

Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
well, i'm gonna go to bed lol
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
surprised you're still up
Seme Yuugi: The Yaoi shoulder Devil from Hell says:
you were up an hour hot stuff
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
lol
Fallen Angel says:
not that I mind
Fallen Angel says:
*huggles*
Mąşŧęŗ¤Chįęf says:
*huggles* night night
Fallen Angel says:
oyasumi <3

I love you now and forever <3
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