returning
Title: Inexorable Sight
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character, Pairing: Snape, Lily/Snape
Rating: not explicit
Disclaimer: not my characters
Notes: quadruple drabble, second person pov
Inexorable Sight
Derision and scorn left their scars of shame, but that is nothing. It is the guilt that never goes away.
It is true there was a time when you tried to blame someone else, everyone, anyone, so long as the finger didn’t point back in your direction.
But you knew, you always did. It was you; you are your own villain and the murderer of your only happiness. But that is not why you hate yourself, that is not why you mourn. You were never meant to be happy.
The only loss that matters is her life. The grief exists because she does not.
The world should have died along with her, for what else here is worth living?
Most men have the same affliction, Voldemort says. The Muggles called her Eve.
Surely you do not share this weakness, my Lord.
Not as such, he says, but his eyes flash ever so briefly in Bellatrix’s direction.
What if there will be a future, a life after this one? How many times have you considered it?
You will die, you know, and you have pledged yourself to this cause.
What will you find when you go?
You do not deserve to see her again.
But what has been the meaning of the boy?
The boy has been the wound in your side.
But is it this pain that has kept you righteous?
He has renewed the injury each day.
If the boy dies, her eyes disappear. The one true trace of her in this world should be gone.
You were thirteen and there were bruises on your body from your father’s fists and Lily’s arm was gently draped across your shoulders, her cheek brushed against yours, and you closed your eyes, so that there was nothing in the world but her touch, her smell. Even now, her memory is so potent that it lingers when there are no lights, nothing to remind you of what has actually occurred.
How frightened are you of your dreams?
There are potions intended to bring dreamless sleep.
Sometimes you are tempted.
But it is better to see her, even if she curses you, hates you.
Even when you dream that you are drowning, trapped in cold water underneath a frozen sheet of ice, and she looks down at you from above, James Potter at her side, points and laughs…
It is better to see her.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Character, Pairing: Snape, Lily/Snape
Rating: not explicit
Disclaimer: not my characters
Notes: quadruple drabble, second person pov
Inexorable Sight
Derision and scorn left their scars of shame, but that is nothing. It is the guilt that never goes away.
It is true there was a time when you tried to blame someone else, everyone, anyone, so long as the finger didn’t point back in your direction.
But you knew, you always did. It was you; you are your own villain and the murderer of your only happiness. But that is not why you hate yourself, that is not why you mourn. You were never meant to be happy.
The only loss that matters is her life. The grief exists because she does not.
The world should have died along with her, for what else here is worth living?
Most men have the same affliction, Voldemort says. The Muggles called her Eve.
Surely you do not share this weakness, my Lord.
Not as such, he says, but his eyes flash ever so briefly in Bellatrix’s direction.
What if there will be a future, a life after this one? How many times have you considered it?
You will die, you know, and you have pledged yourself to this cause.
What will you find when you go?
You do not deserve to see her again.
But what has been the meaning of the boy?
The boy has been the wound in your side.
But is it this pain that has kept you righteous?
He has renewed the injury each day.
If the boy dies, her eyes disappear. The one true trace of her in this world should be gone.
You were thirteen and there were bruises on your body from your father’s fists and Lily’s arm was gently draped across your shoulders, her cheek brushed against yours, and you closed your eyes, so that there was nothing in the world but her touch, her smell. Even now, her memory is so potent that it lingers when there are no lights, nothing to remind you of what has actually occurred.
How frightened are you of your dreams?
There are potions intended to bring dreamless sleep.
Sometimes you are tempted.
But it is better to see her, even if she curses you, hates you.
Even when you dream that you are drowning, trapped in cold water underneath a frozen sheet of ice, and she looks down at you from above, James Potter at her side, points and laughs…
It is better to see her.