mad love for mr. atwood
Title: Best Thing Ever, Over and Done
Fandom: The O.C.
Character, Pairing: Seth, Ryan/Seth and implied Seth/Summer
Rating: some talk about sex, but not explicit
Disclaimer: not my characters
Best Thing Ever, Over and Done
Ok, seriously? He’s not going to make it through the day if he doesn’t see Ryan. It’s been three and a half weeks and he wants to scream out “THREE AND A HALF WEEKS, PEOPLE!” to everyone who’s walking by while he stands on the corner, checking his phone for the thirty-second time today to see if Ryan’s called him yet, checking his e-mail for the ninety-seventh time, and no, nothing from Ryan there, either.
He’s just going over to Ryan’s and that’s it. He calls, leaves a message on Ryan’s phone: “Ok, seriously, dude, when you get this? You need to take off your clothes and get in bed, because, man, I need sex. With you. NOW!”
Arriving at Ryan’s he’s strangely nervous, like they haven’t seen each other in years or something. Three and a half weeks, man. And after only two weeks without Ryan, he really did kind of start to lose his shit, and yeah, he’s always acknowledged that he’s supremely co-dependent, but, still, feeling kind of pathetic over here. He lets himself in with his key, walks in to find Ryan standing beside the windows, drink in hand. “Dude, what are you doing?”
“What?”
“You’re dressed! That’s not part of the plan. You, naked in bed, that is the plan!”
“There’s a plan?”
“Didn’t you get my message? You and me. Naked in bed. Much ravishment. Ryan! You’re ruining the plan.”
“Sorry.” Ryan gestures to the bar. “Don’t you want a drink?”
“No, I do not want a drink. Dude. I missed you. How was your trip?”
“It was good, it was really…” Ryan trails off, tilts his glass back and forth, clears his throat. He’s nervous. Extraneous gestures are habitual in Seth, but not in him. “Listen. We have to talk.”
“Hey, man. Conversation happening, right here, right now. I say something, you say something back. It’s all good.”
“I have to talk to you, Seth. You need to listen.”
No. No, no, no, no, no. Seth is going to throw a tantrum, he is, because: “That is not good. Don’t talk, Ryan, you don’t need to talk. You never have. I can tell what you’re thinking, I can, so just,” he mimes zipping his mouth shut, “just be quiet, and let me look at you and I’ll be able to tell what’s up, and you won’t have to talk. Let me do all the talking for both of us. I’m good at it, and you know it. If for some reason one day saving the world was dependent on being able to talk non-stop for hours and hours, you know I’d be the man. I could save the world!”
“Seth, stop it.” And Ryan’s pissed now, and that never used to happen before. It seems like when they were friends, well, they’re still friends, when they weren’t like this, Seth could actually get away with more. Ryan’s mad at him lately, and he doesn’t know why. “Listen. After I was finished with my meetings, Theresa met me in Barcelona.”
“Oh. Ok. How’s she doing?”
“She’s good. Seth, we’re getting married.”
“Wow. I mean, what? Why? Do you even want to get married? Most people just end up getting divorced anyway. Have you seen the statistics?” Ryan scowls. “No, I mean, congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations.”
“So we can’t, we can’t do this anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m going to promise to be with her and only her, and I don’t plan on breaking that promise.”
“But this…this doesn’t count. Not like that. I don’t understand.” Taylor always says that everyone’s allowed to have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend if that’s what they want; it’s just common sense. And it’s definitely not cheating. “Dude, do you want Summer to talk to her?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“She doesn’t know about us, does she?”
“No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t need to hear about any of my exes.”
“Umm, what? So, I’m your ex now and it’s gonna be all weird between us?”
“No. It’ll be like it was. We’re just not doing this anymore.”
“It’s just, it’s not fair, Ryan. You started this. I mean, I didn’t even know I wanted it.”
“Bullshit,” Ryan says. “Don’t blame me for this. This has been part of us since we met, we just never did anything about it.”
“That’s maybe true,” Seth says. He’d always wanted Ryan, though he’d learned to repress it, once he knew Ryan was going to stay, become part of the family. But for a long time now he hasn’t had to hide it. And he doesn’t want to go back to how it was. “But I never knew I would, I mean, how it feels, I never knew, I thought it would be, I mean I had thought about it, but then, because it’s never, have you noticed? Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse, but it’s never, it’s never what you thought it would be.” Any other time, Seth feels like none of those fragments would fit together, but he’s, he thinks Ryan can understand.
“This was worse?” Seth shakes his head so fiercely, his brains hurt. “Better than you thought?”
“Yeah. Yes. Ryan. Way better. And I thought it would be, like, the best thing ever. EVER, you know? But it was better. Whoa. I mean think about that.” Ryan smiles and he looks, how he looks when he smiles, Ryan’s smiling, and all Seth can think is that he wants Ryan to be happy. He does. If Ryan and Summer are both happy, then that’s it. That’s what matters. “Do you, like, love her?”
“Yeah. I always have. And I just, I want to be…settled, you know? Settled. I want what you have.”
“What I have?”
“With Summer. Yeah.” Ryan pours the rest of his drink down the sink. He’s more relaxed, now that he’s had his say. “You need to go home,” he says. “She’s on her way over here.”
Seth never thought he needed to choose. This is the emotional equivalent of seppuku, he thinks; he did it to himself. He thought he could have Summer for always and have Ryan for always and never have to give up either. He feels like he’s going to puke. “Yeah, ok.”
“We’ll talk later, ok?” Ryan’s hand gently resting on Seth’s back feels like deliberate cruelty. It’s not, of course it’s not, he knows Ryan loves him, whatever that means, but it hurts as bad as if it were intentionally inflicted. “You ok?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.” Ryan’s hand drops away.
Seth drifts down the drive and back into his car, floats down the highway towards home, towards Summer. If he ever did anything in his life to hurt Marissa, he’s suddenly repentant. Getting dumped by Ryan fucking sucks.
Fandom: The O.C.
Character, Pairing: Seth, Ryan/Seth and implied Seth/Summer
Rating: some talk about sex, but not explicit
Disclaimer: not my characters
Best Thing Ever, Over and Done
Ok, seriously? He’s not going to make it through the day if he doesn’t see Ryan. It’s been three and a half weeks and he wants to scream out “THREE AND A HALF WEEKS, PEOPLE!” to everyone who’s walking by while he stands on the corner, checking his phone for the thirty-second time today to see if Ryan’s called him yet, checking his e-mail for the ninety-seventh time, and no, nothing from Ryan there, either.
He’s just going over to Ryan’s and that’s it. He calls, leaves a message on Ryan’s phone: “Ok, seriously, dude, when you get this? You need to take off your clothes and get in bed, because, man, I need sex. With you. NOW!”
Arriving at Ryan’s he’s strangely nervous, like they haven’t seen each other in years or something. Three and a half weeks, man. And after only two weeks without Ryan, he really did kind of start to lose his shit, and yeah, he’s always acknowledged that he’s supremely co-dependent, but, still, feeling kind of pathetic over here. He lets himself in with his key, walks in to find Ryan standing beside the windows, drink in hand. “Dude, what are you doing?”
“What?”
“You’re dressed! That’s not part of the plan. You, naked in bed, that is the plan!”
“There’s a plan?”
“Didn’t you get my message? You and me. Naked in bed. Much ravishment. Ryan! You’re ruining the plan.”
“Sorry.” Ryan gestures to the bar. “Don’t you want a drink?”
“No, I do not want a drink. Dude. I missed you. How was your trip?”
“It was good, it was really…” Ryan trails off, tilts his glass back and forth, clears his throat. He’s nervous. Extraneous gestures are habitual in Seth, but not in him. “Listen. We have to talk.”
“Hey, man. Conversation happening, right here, right now. I say something, you say something back. It’s all good.”
“I have to talk to you, Seth. You need to listen.”
No. No, no, no, no, no. Seth is going to throw a tantrum, he is, because: “That is not good. Don’t talk, Ryan, you don’t need to talk. You never have. I can tell what you’re thinking, I can, so just,” he mimes zipping his mouth shut, “just be quiet, and let me look at you and I’ll be able to tell what’s up, and you won’t have to talk. Let me do all the talking for both of us. I’m good at it, and you know it. If for some reason one day saving the world was dependent on being able to talk non-stop for hours and hours, you know I’d be the man. I could save the world!”
“Seth, stop it.” And Ryan’s pissed now, and that never used to happen before. It seems like when they were friends, well, they’re still friends, when they weren’t like this, Seth could actually get away with more. Ryan’s mad at him lately, and he doesn’t know why. “Listen. After I was finished with my meetings, Theresa met me in Barcelona.”
“Oh. Ok. How’s she doing?”
“She’s good. Seth, we’re getting married.”
“Wow. I mean, what? Why? Do you even want to get married? Most people just end up getting divorced anyway. Have you seen the statistics?” Ryan scowls. “No, I mean, congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations.”
“So we can’t, we can’t do this anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m going to promise to be with her and only her, and I don’t plan on breaking that promise.”
“But this…this doesn’t count. Not like that. I don’t understand.” Taylor always says that everyone’s allowed to have a girlfriend AND a boyfriend if that’s what they want; it’s just common sense. And it’s definitely not cheating. “Dude, do you want Summer to talk to her?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“She doesn’t know about us, does she?”
“No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t need to hear about any of my exes.”
“Umm, what? So, I’m your ex now and it’s gonna be all weird between us?”
“No. It’ll be like it was. We’re just not doing this anymore.”
“It’s just, it’s not fair, Ryan. You started this. I mean, I didn’t even know I wanted it.”
“Bullshit,” Ryan says. “Don’t blame me for this. This has been part of us since we met, we just never did anything about it.”
“That’s maybe true,” Seth says. He’d always wanted Ryan, though he’d learned to repress it, once he knew Ryan was going to stay, become part of the family. But for a long time now he hasn’t had to hide it. And he doesn’t want to go back to how it was. “But I never knew I would, I mean, how it feels, I never knew, I thought it would be, I mean I had thought about it, but then, because it’s never, have you noticed? Sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s worse, but it’s never, it’s never what you thought it would be.” Any other time, Seth feels like none of those fragments would fit together, but he’s, he thinks Ryan can understand.
“This was worse?” Seth shakes his head so fiercely, his brains hurt. “Better than you thought?”
“Yeah. Yes. Ryan. Way better. And I thought it would be, like, the best thing ever. EVER, you know? But it was better. Whoa. I mean think about that.” Ryan smiles and he looks, how he looks when he smiles, Ryan’s smiling, and all Seth can think is that he wants Ryan to be happy. He does. If Ryan and Summer are both happy, then that’s it. That’s what matters. “Do you, like, love her?”
“Yeah. I always have. And I just, I want to be…settled, you know? Settled. I want what you have.”
“What I have?”
“With Summer. Yeah.” Ryan pours the rest of his drink down the sink. He’s more relaxed, now that he’s had his say. “You need to go home,” he says. “She’s on her way over here.”
Seth never thought he needed to choose. This is the emotional equivalent of seppuku, he thinks; he did it to himself. He thought he could have Summer for always and have Ryan for always and never have to give up either. He feels like he’s going to puke. “Yeah, ok.”
“We’ll talk later, ok?” Ryan’s hand gently resting on Seth’s back feels like deliberate cruelty. It’s not, of course it’s not, he knows Ryan loves him, whatever that means, but it hurts as bad as if it were intentionally inflicted. “You ok?”
“Yeah. Yeah. I’m fine.” Ryan’s hand drops away.
Seth drifts down the drive and back into his car, floats down the highway towards home, towards Summer. If he ever did anything in his life to hurt Marissa, he’s suddenly repentant. Getting dumped by Ryan fucking sucks.