Ghosts Of The Abyss: Chapter 17
ZeldaQueen: Hello folks, things are going to be done a little differently today. The next few chapters are just a lot of filler of the same old, same old. So for the first time, we're going to leave the Sporking Chamber and make use of the Sporking Theater, for a dramatization of the chapters. If necessary, we'll break for sporkings. And for these dramatizations, we're putting the drinking game on hold. We can't very well get snookered while acting. Well, we can, but we'd probably end up re-enacting the orgy from Lysistrata, which may not be a bad thing, but it won't finish the fic. So then, I'll be playing Kate and Jack Sparrow will be played by Link. Link? Link? Where did you go?
Link: *offstate* I am not coming out like this!
ZeldaQueen: Oh yes you are, or I'm going to tell everyone that you still feel something for Jenna Silver -
Link: I WILL KILL YOU!
ZeldaQueen: Oh come on, we both know you won't. Hero of Hyrule and all
Link: You're evil
ZeldaQueen: Maybe. Just come out on stage. The sooner you do this, the sooner it'll be over
Link: Fine. *Clomps out on stage in a black, braided wig and pirate regalia, sporting a very fake tan*
ZeldaQueen: You need more of a stagger in your walk
Link: *death glare*
THE CURTAINS RISE FOR...
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Chapter 17
Kate: Oh woe! What is to become of me? I have had slimy, hentai sex with Davy Jones and have become a wicked, evil, vile adulteress! Oh woe! I am so horribly ashamed of myself, I can not be in Jack's godly presence! I grow "increasingly petulant", which I do not think is what Gethesemane had in mind to describ my behavior, but oh well! Whatever am I to do? I realize now that I love both Jack and Davy Jones and my feelings have absolutely nothing to do with Sirena's spirit! This makes me so sorrowful and pitiable, and certainly doesn't make me look like a cheap way for Gethesemane to have her cake and eat it too! Oh, whatever shall I tell Jack?
Jack: Morning, love! I'm "happily clutching the wheel", which may or may not be a euphemism
Kate: Seeing him happy brings me such woe! Did I mention I was sad? WOE, GOD DAMMIT! If only Jack knew what I did, he would never, ever, ever want me! It would be the end of our love! Our lives! Woe, WOE, WOE, I have a "dull, yet lucid, pain in my heart", whatever that is. I suspect it has something to do with my woe. Oh look! There's the Dutchman, sailing out on the horizon, within view. It looks like it's protecting us, but it totally isn't. It's actually protecting Beckett's ship. He's also sailing behind us. I'm not sure why we're continuing on course even though he's clearly following us, but whatever. It's not like the plot matters or anything. Oh look, tears are burning my eyes!
Jack: Um, is something wrong? You haven't said two words. Not that I'm complaining but - erm, I mean, what's up?
Kate: Don't touch me! "It's not you, Jack, it's me"! Clearly, that excuse works about as well now as it will in the twenty-first century. Oh, Jack, please forgive me! I have not been faithful! Despite the fact that we are both pirates and thus would hardly adhere to society's codes on sexuality, I am deeply ashamed and deserve to have a scarlet letter branded on my chest!
Jack: Bluh what? With who?
Kate: Davy Jones! Alas, I walked from this ship to the Flying Dutchman...somehow...and bedded the closest thing this world has to a living devil! His slimy tentacles filled my quivering love-cup with joy, but how I suffer now!
Jack: ... Are you fucking serious?
Kate: Yes! Yes, I am! I am a lowly woman, and I lost control! I couldn't stop myself! I ought to be forced into a chastity belt!
Jack: Despite the fact that it's the last thing I would wonder in canon, do you love Jones?
Kate: "I don't know! I don't know what I feel for him"
Jack: Instead of making plans about a threesome, as I probably would have done in canon, I shall now ask if you love me
Kate: Well, duh! I was written for the sole purpose of Gethesemane boning you!
Jack: Is this some sort of revenge for Scarlett? Because Gethesemane I must continue to act like that was a one-time slip-up, as opposed to my bed-jumping norm
Kate: Certainly not!
Jack: Well, can you give me some explanation, other than a half-assed "I lost control"?
Kate: Erm...
Jack: Despite the fact that there are a dozen other more important things to be worried about, I immediately begin to launch into Marriage Councilor Mode. "What can he give you that I can't? Tell me! I'll do anything!"
Kate: Well, he can give me a really slick fingering for one - erm, I mean, "It's not you, Jack! It's me! I was weak..."
Jack: "Weak? You? You don't know the meaning of the word", despite the fact that you're constantly being kidnapped, weeping, clinging to me for protection, and so on and so forth
Kate: You're too kind. *aside* BWAAAAAAAHHHH! Surely he doesn't love me anymore! I shall reapply my Dead Herring Perfume. Don't you all love the smell of it?
Jack: Kate, look at me!
Kate: "The authority in his voice left me no other option but to do as he ordered", which completely borks my previous characterization of being a strong, independent woman. What, ho? He's taking my hands in his!
Jack: I'm going to repeat this, because Gethesemane is fapping over my constant reiterations of love - what do you need from me?
Kate: No, no, no! It is all my fault! My fault, I say! I am a lowly, weak, wanton whore, who is not fit to bask in your godly presence! If only Gethesemane hadn't had that wet dream!
Jack: My eyes go "slightly misty" at this
Kate: Oh Jack, can you ever see it in your heart to forgive me?
Jack: "I would be a hypocrite if I couldn't". Which, you know, I was in the movies, but Gethesemane's trying her best to ignore that. Carry on!
Kate: *has a "tender yet passionate" kiss with Jack* Why, that has "left me breathless"! Will and Elizabeth can just go to Hell, their relationship is nothing compared to mine! Erm, that is to say, Jack's "deep chocolate eyes" are so "warm and sincere" as he strokes my cheek
Jack: Going against every grain of my canon being, I shall repeat how I love you shall love you for ever and ever and ever
Kate: Even after being unfaithful? And give the answer loudly, because Gethesemane loves to listen in
Jack: Because this bastardized version of me is so sensitive, I shall tell you that I've hurt you, which seems to give you a "Get Out of Adultery Free" card. Plus, I totally deserved it
Kate: You've forgiven me so quickly! *sobs*
Jack: Yes, yes, we've both been unfaithful and thus I can't throw stones, and I have no idea how many more times Gethesemane is going to make me repeat that idea before she's satisfied
Kate: Speaking of satisfying Gethesemane, do you still love her me?
Jack: YES, GODAMMIT - erm, I mean yes, totally, and I think we should just forget about the whole screwing Davy Jones bit and move on, because clearly our love transcends the need for actual consequences to actions and all
Kate: "It's easier said than done"
Jack: No it isn't. You just need a big enough mallet - sorry. I mean, "there's nothing we can do to change the past, but forgetting the entire affair will make it easier to bear". Makes total sense, I know. I often find that completely forgetting something makes it easy to handle. I mean, not as easy as actually working to solve the problem and talking things through, but that takes effort, which Gethesemane clearly isn't interested in
Kate: Oh joyous day! Jack has forgiven me! I nestle against him, like a baby! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, I can go on like this all day. I know that Gethesemane does so enjoy typing it
Jack: Lord alone knows why, but I would hate to lose you, Kate
Kate: Oh, don't worry about that. I'm not going anywhere. I'm very much like a leech in that regard
Jack: I grin "devilishly" and kiss you "ardently"
(Author's Note: Yes, me again.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, not going to miss this time! *starts chucking golf balls in her direction*
I'm currently debating whether or not to write/post a Kate/Davy oneshot; I'm afraid that it would make her sound like either a skank or adulteress, though, so I don't know if I should post it.
ZeldaQueen: Um, it would make her an adulteress. She's having an affair! She's sleeping with a guy she's not married to! That's adultery! As for skank, considering that the sole reason for Kate's being is so you can act out your warped fantasies over Jack Sparrow and Davy Jones...no comment
Review and let me know what you think!)
ZeldaQueen: Oh, don't kid yourself. We both know that you have plenty of idiots who think you write good sex scenes, and anyone who says "Nay" will be deleted as a flamer
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Onward to: Chapter 18
Back to: Chapter 16
Return to: Table of Contents
Link: *offstate* I am not coming out like this!
ZeldaQueen: Oh yes you are, or I'm going to tell everyone that you still feel something for Jenna Silver -
Link: I WILL KILL YOU!
ZeldaQueen: Oh come on, we both know you won't. Hero of Hyrule and all
Link: You're evil
ZeldaQueen: Maybe. Just come out on stage. The sooner you do this, the sooner it'll be over
Link: Fine. *Clomps out on stage in a black, braided wig and pirate regalia, sporting a very fake tan*
ZeldaQueen: You need more of a stagger in your walk
Link: *death glare*
THE CURTAINS RISE FOR...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 17
Kate: Oh woe! What is to become of me? I have had slimy, hentai sex with Davy Jones and have become a wicked, evil, vile adulteress! Oh woe! I am so horribly ashamed of myself, I can not be in Jack's godly presence! I grow "increasingly petulant", which I do not think is what Gethesemane had in mind to describ my behavior, but oh well! Whatever am I to do? I realize now that I love both Jack and Davy Jones and my feelings have absolutely nothing to do with Sirena's spirit! This makes me so sorrowful and pitiable, and certainly doesn't make me look like a cheap way for Gethesemane to have her cake and eat it too! Oh, whatever shall I tell Jack?
Jack: Morning, love! I'm "happily clutching the wheel", which may or may not be a euphemism
Kate: Seeing him happy brings me such woe! Did I mention I was sad? WOE, GOD DAMMIT! If only Jack knew what I did, he would never, ever, ever want me! It would be the end of our love! Our lives! Woe, WOE, WOE, I have a "dull, yet lucid, pain in my heart", whatever that is. I suspect it has something to do with my woe. Oh look! There's the Dutchman, sailing out on the horizon, within view. It looks like it's protecting us, but it totally isn't. It's actually protecting Beckett's ship. He's also sailing behind us. I'm not sure why we're continuing on course even though he's clearly following us, but whatever. It's not like the plot matters or anything. Oh look, tears are burning my eyes!
Jack: Um, is something wrong? You haven't said two words. Not that I'm complaining but - erm, I mean, what's up?
Kate: Don't touch me! "It's not you, Jack, it's me"! Clearly, that excuse works about as well now as it will in the twenty-first century. Oh, Jack, please forgive me! I have not been faithful! Despite the fact that we are both pirates and thus would hardly adhere to society's codes on sexuality, I am deeply ashamed and deserve to have a scarlet letter branded on my chest!
Jack: Bluh what? With who?
Kate: Davy Jones! Alas, I walked from this ship to the Flying Dutchman...somehow...and bedded the closest thing this world has to a living devil! His slimy tentacles filled my quivering love-cup with joy, but how I suffer now!
Jack: ... Are you fucking serious?
Kate: Yes! Yes, I am! I am a lowly woman, and I lost control! I couldn't stop myself! I ought to be forced into a chastity belt!
Jack: Despite the fact that it's the last thing I would wonder in canon, do you love Jones?
Kate: "I don't know! I don't know what I feel for him"
Jack: Instead of making plans about a threesome, as I probably would have done in canon, I shall now ask if you love me
Kate: Well, duh! I was written for the sole purpose of Gethesemane boning you!
Jack: Is this some sort of revenge for Scarlett? Because Gethesemane I must continue to act like that was a one-time slip-up, as opposed to my bed-jumping norm
Kate: Certainly not!
Jack: Well, can you give me some explanation, other than a half-assed "I lost control"?
Kate: Erm...
Jack: Despite the fact that there are a dozen other more important things to be worried about, I immediately begin to launch into Marriage Councilor Mode. "What can he give you that I can't? Tell me! I'll do anything!"
Kate: Well, he can give me a really slick fingering for one - erm, I mean, "It's not you, Jack! It's me! I was weak..."
Jack: "Weak? You? You don't know the meaning of the word", despite the fact that you're constantly being kidnapped, weeping, clinging to me for protection, and so on and so forth
Kate: You're too kind. *aside* BWAAAAAAAHHHH! Surely he doesn't love me anymore! I shall reapply my Dead Herring Perfume. Don't you all love the smell of it?
Jack: Kate, look at me!
Kate: "The authority in his voice left me no other option but to do as he ordered", which completely borks my previous characterization of being a strong, independent woman. What, ho? He's taking my hands in his!
Jack: I'm going to repeat this, because Gethesemane is fapping over my constant reiterations of love - what do you need from me?
Kate: No, no, no! It is all my fault! My fault, I say! I am a lowly, weak, wanton whore, who is not fit to bask in your godly presence! If only Gethesemane hadn't had that wet dream!
Jack: My eyes go "slightly misty" at this
Kate: Oh Jack, can you ever see it in your heart to forgive me?
Jack: "I would be a hypocrite if I couldn't". Which, you know, I was in the movies, but Gethesemane's trying her best to ignore that. Carry on!
Kate: *has a "tender yet passionate" kiss with Jack* Why, that has "left me breathless"! Will and Elizabeth can just go to Hell, their relationship is nothing compared to mine! Erm, that is to say, Jack's "deep chocolate eyes" are so "warm and sincere" as he strokes my cheek
Jack: Going against every grain of my canon being, I shall repeat how I love you shall love you for ever and ever and ever
Kate: Even after being unfaithful? And give the answer loudly, because Gethesemane loves to listen in
Jack: Because this bastardized version of me is so sensitive, I shall tell you that I've hurt you, which seems to give you a "Get Out of Adultery Free" card. Plus, I totally deserved it
Kate: You've forgiven me so quickly! *sobs*
Jack: Yes, yes, we've both been unfaithful and thus I can't throw stones, and I have no idea how many more times Gethesemane is going to make me repeat that idea before she's satisfied
Kate: Speaking of satisfying Gethesemane, do you still love her me?
Jack: YES, GODAMMIT - erm, I mean yes, totally, and I think we should just forget about the whole screwing Davy Jones bit and move on, because clearly our love transcends the need for actual consequences to actions and all
Kate: "It's easier said than done"
Jack: No it isn't. You just need a big enough mallet - sorry. I mean, "there's nothing we can do to change the past, but forgetting the entire affair will make it easier to bear". Makes total sense, I know. I often find that completely forgetting something makes it easy to handle. I mean, not as easy as actually working to solve the problem and talking things through, but that takes effort, which Gethesemane clearly isn't interested in
Kate: Oh joyous day! Jack has forgiven me! I nestle against him, like a baby! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me, I can go on like this all day. I know that Gethesemane does so enjoy typing it
Jack: Lord alone knows why, but I would hate to lose you, Kate
Kate: Oh, don't worry about that. I'm not going anywhere. I'm very much like a leech in that regard
Jack: I grin "devilishly" and kiss you "ardently"
(Author's Note: Yes, me again.
ZeldaQueen: Oh, not going to miss this time! *starts chucking golf balls in her direction*
I'm currently debating whether or not to write/post a Kate/Davy oneshot; I'm afraid that it would make her sound like either a skank or adulteress, though, so I don't know if I should post it.
ZeldaQueen: Um, it would make her an adulteress. She's having an affair! She's sleeping with a guy she's not married to! That's adultery! As for skank, considering that the sole reason for Kate's being is so you can act out your warped fantasies over Jack Sparrow and Davy Jones...no comment
Review and let me know what you think!)
ZeldaQueen: Oh, don't kid yourself. We both know that you have plenty of idiots who think you write good sex scenes, and anyone who says "Nay" will be deleted as a flamer
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Onward to: Chapter 18
Back to: Chapter 16
Return to: Table of Contents