In Which I Do A Meme: Post The Title And Excerpt From All WIPs
ZeldaQueen: Hello, hello, hello! I found this thing via das_mervin and wanted to do it, so here it is! Shall we? I believe we shall!
Title: The Legend of Zelda: Big Brother House
Excerpt:
The cast stand, united in mute shock. They don't say a word because quite frankly, they don't know what to say.
"Was that a…hallucination?" asks Navi softly.
"But…I saw his mouth move…" says Zant, looking amazed.
Link has spoken!
"Yes!" snapped Link. "Yes, I [censored] spoke. You caught me. You [censored] got me good. Ha ha ha! Isn't that funny?"
His voice begins to rise and get more hysterical as he winds up. "So what if I DIDN'T WANT TO [censored] SPEAK? Did it ever occur to you people that maybe there was a [censored] reason I wasn't speaking? Like maybe I took a [censored] vow of [censored] silence? Or I was trying to make a [censored] political statement? But nooo, if I'm the hero of Hyrule, of course I couldn't have any [censored] political affiliations, could I?"
Link rounds to Ganondorf. "And you! You stupid piece of [censored]! What the [censored] wrong with you? You haven't left me the hell alone since this started? What was that [censored] about 'starting with a clean slate'? What a load of [censored]! "
He rounds on the cast as a whole. "And to the rest of you, [censored] you all! I put my life on the [censored] line, every other week, saving your ungrateful [censored] butts and what do I get? You all refusing to respect my [censored] right to [censored] silence! What's wrong with you people? Did you all grow up in barns living off of horse [censored]? Well [censored] you! [Censored] you all to hell you [censored] freaks and [censored] [censored] to those [censored], along with those goddamned [censored]!"
There is a pause, as Link breathes a bit more deeply and seems to calm down. He looks around the room, a bit more embarrassed. "Um… sorry about that…" he mutters. "I'll just…go lie down for a second…"
He heads off to the bedroom, leaving the living room so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Later investigation revealed that the rant that Link indulged in was in fact the most heavily censored piece that the TV station that hosted Big Brother ever had. Even months after, fans on the internet spent hours lip reading and trying to figure out exactly what it was that Link said. Unfortunately, it seems that this quest won't be solved any time soon, however the rant has come to be appreciated as a work of profane wonder, as summed up best by a fan under the username "Inle Rambaldi": I never heard [censored] used in that context before. Link 4 teh win!
Title: The Untold Tale
Excerpt:
“What’s wrong? They’re just two men in strange clothes,” Todd said.
The woman stared at him in disbelief. “Don’t know who they are?” she asked. “Didn’t the narrator tell you yet?”
“My dear, I am trying as hard as I can to ignore the narrator,” said Todd. “Now who are those men and what’s wrong with them being there?”
“We can start with the fact that they are under the employment of Mr. Adams.”
“Who in God’s name is Mr. Adams?”
She stared at him. “You really have been skipping plot points! I heard you were, but I found it difficult to believe. You really ought to know all of this by now…”
“Who is he?” asked Todd impatiently. He really was getting tired of this. It was bad enough he was whisked away to a strange land and was being stalked by an invisible voice in the sky (who - thank God - seemed content to keep the “insightful” comments and “suggestions” quiet for now), but he was sick of everyone treating him like an idiot.
By now, Todd ought to have realized that if he would simply follow the plot as he was instructed to from the beginning, he would easily know which way to go, what to do, and whom to talk to.
“Ah, there you are, you annoying bastard. Where have you been?”
It was lovely to see Todd finally interacting with a character and willingly being brought up to speed on the plot’s events. He may continue now.
“Not anymore.” Todd impatiently looked up and down the street.
He was so determined to be petty and spiteful it seemed.
“You dragged me into this. I know you did. Do you think I am going to cooperate now? If you want me to do something, keep quiet about it. Where is that bus? I must have been standing here for fifteen minutes without seeing one.”
There will be no buses until Mr. Timmons got over his stubborn ways.
“Fine, then I will walk.”
“Todd, what are you going to do about those two men across the street who have a hit on you?” the woman cut in, tugging on his arm sleeve urgently.
“Well I suppose I let them go on their own way and - what do you mean ‘have a hit’ on me?”
“Mr. Adams is their boss and the head of Angel Hairati! He sent them to kill you!”
“Fantastic,” Todd groaned. “I’ll just mosey on out of here, shall I? Plot or not, I refuse to be killed.”
“That’s a good thing because you won’t be -”
Not another word from about that!
“Apologies,” said the woman quickly. “I didn’t mean to ruin the ending. But they shouldn’t be here!”
“Then why should I be bothered? If they are in the wrong place then they ought to wander off.”
“Perhaps,” the woman muttered. “Or perhaps not,” she added as they started across the street.
“Maybe they need to get to that Starbucks over there?” Todd suggested.
“Look in the one’s hand.”
“Oh damn it all to hell,” groaned Todd as he saw the glint of metal from the gun.
Title: Amelia in Sueland
Excerpt:
"Are you alright?” asked Amelia. She had never seen anybody looks so sleepy at during the middle of the day, with the exception of Nala. Oh, her poor kitty! How she would love to be at this party, with such a lovely, long table to walk on, and with so many pretty things to knock over and break!
“He’s perfectly fine,” said Holly, interrupting Amelia’s thoughts. “It’s better that way, you know. That form suits him so well!”
“Form?”
“Well,” said Rose Potter, waving her fork, “Ron always was getting in the food like a rat, demanding food three times a day! What, did he think we would spoil him by feeding him our table scraps?”
“He also smelled terribly, so Rose thought that we ought to turn him into a pig,” said Holly, unconcernedly taking a sip of tea.
“Does Rose turn many people into pigs?” asked Amelia, wondering if that was an explanation for the fate of Jenna’s baby.
“No, not often enough. I thought that a rat was ever so much more appropriate though,” Holly said with a smirk.
“I suppose he’s getting more rest as a rat,” said Amelia. She didn’t like the look on Holly’s face one bit.
“Oh, I’m sure he is,” Rose Potter said. “We’re drugging him.”
“Is he ill?”
“Of course he’s sick! He’s a filthy Weasley!”
Title: Stranger In Town
Excerpt:
“Be still John,” Sorin hissed. “We cannot act too soon.”
“I seriously hope that’s some sort of a riddle,” I whispered. “Like ‘you cannot add too much water to a nuclear power plant’. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but they’re going to cut Mary’s head open!”
“My wives are on those tables as well.” Sorin narrowed his eyes and peered intently through the grating. “Do not think I am taking this lightly.”
“Yeah, but your wives are vampires! I think there’s less chance of them bleeding to death midway through surgery or - what is it, Lucy?”
Lucy, who had been tugging on my sleeve frantically for the past few seconds, had this dopey grin on her face and was staring through the bars happily. “It’s them! It’s here!” she said.
“Who? What? Where is it?” Good God, that girl could go off at the weirdest times! “Lucy, what are you going on about?”
“I know this place! I know how to get in!”
Sorin and I stared at each other. I’m not entirely sure what kind of a look I gave, but I’m willing to bet it was close to his. Something along the lines of really?Return to the Sporking Chamber
Title: The Legend of Zelda: Big Brother House
Excerpt:
The cast stand, united in mute shock. They don't say a word because quite frankly, they don't know what to say.
"Was that a…hallucination?" asks Navi softly.
"But…I saw his mouth move…" says Zant, looking amazed.
Link has spoken!
"Yes!" snapped Link. "Yes, I [censored] spoke. You caught me. You [censored] got me good. Ha ha ha! Isn't that funny?"
His voice begins to rise and get more hysterical as he winds up. "So what if I DIDN'T WANT TO [censored] SPEAK? Did it ever occur to you people that maybe there was a [censored] reason I wasn't speaking? Like maybe I took a [censored] vow of [censored] silence? Or I was trying to make a [censored] political statement? But nooo, if I'm the hero of Hyrule, of course I couldn't have any [censored] political affiliations, could I?"
Link rounds to Ganondorf. "And you! You stupid piece of [censored]! What the [censored] wrong with you? You haven't left me the hell alone since this started? What was that [censored] about 'starting with a clean slate'? What a load of [censored]! "
He rounds on the cast as a whole. "And to the rest of you, [censored] you all! I put my life on the [censored] line, every other week, saving your ungrateful [censored] butts and what do I get? You all refusing to respect my [censored] right to [censored] silence! What's wrong with you people? Did you all grow up in barns living off of horse [censored]? Well [censored] you! [Censored] you all to hell you [censored] freaks and [censored] [censored] to those [censored], along with those goddamned [censored]!"
There is a pause, as Link breathes a bit more deeply and seems to calm down. He looks around the room, a bit more embarrassed. "Um… sorry about that…" he mutters. "I'll just…go lie down for a second…"
He heads off to the bedroom, leaving the living room so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
Later investigation revealed that the rant that Link indulged in was in fact the most heavily censored piece that the TV station that hosted Big Brother ever had. Even months after, fans on the internet spent hours lip reading and trying to figure out exactly what it was that Link said. Unfortunately, it seems that this quest won't be solved any time soon, however the rant has come to be appreciated as a work of profane wonder, as summed up best by a fan under the username "Inle Rambaldi": I never heard [censored] used in that context before. Link 4 teh win!
Title: The Untold Tale
Excerpt:
“What’s wrong? They’re just two men in strange clothes,” Todd said.
The woman stared at him in disbelief. “Don’t know who they are?” she asked. “Didn’t the narrator tell you yet?”
“My dear, I am trying as hard as I can to ignore the narrator,” said Todd. “Now who are those men and what’s wrong with them being there?”
“We can start with the fact that they are under the employment of Mr. Adams.”
“Who in God’s name is Mr. Adams?”
She stared at him. “You really have been skipping plot points! I heard you were, but I found it difficult to believe. You really ought to know all of this by now…”
“Who is he?” asked Todd impatiently. He really was getting tired of this. It was bad enough he was whisked away to a strange land and was being stalked by an invisible voice in the sky (who - thank God - seemed content to keep the “insightful” comments and “suggestions” quiet for now), but he was sick of everyone treating him like an idiot.
By now, Todd ought to have realized that if he would simply follow the plot as he was instructed to from the beginning, he would easily know which way to go, what to do, and whom to talk to.
“Ah, there you are, you annoying bastard. Where have you been?”
It was lovely to see Todd finally interacting with a character and willingly being brought up to speed on the plot’s events. He may continue now.
“Not anymore.” Todd impatiently looked up and down the street.
He was so determined to be petty and spiteful it seemed.
“You dragged me into this. I know you did. Do you think I am going to cooperate now? If you want me to do something, keep quiet about it. Where is that bus? I must have been standing here for fifteen minutes without seeing one.”
There will be no buses until Mr. Timmons got over his stubborn ways.
“Fine, then I will walk.”
“Todd, what are you going to do about those two men across the street who have a hit on you?” the woman cut in, tugging on his arm sleeve urgently.
“Well I suppose I let them go on their own way and - what do you mean ‘have a hit’ on me?”
“Mr. Adams is their boss and the head of Angel Hairati! He sent them to kill you!”
“Fantastic,” Todd groaned. “I’ll just mosey on out of here, shall I? Plot or not, I refuse to be killed.”
“That’s a good thing because you won’t be -”
Not another word from about that!
“Apologies,” said the woman quickly. “I didn’t mean to ruin the ending. But they shouldn’t be here!”
“Then why should I be bothered? If they are in the wrong place then they ought to wander off.”
“Perhaps,” the woman muttered. “Or perhaps not,” she added as they started across the street.
“Maybe they need to get to that Starbucks over there?” Todd suggested.
“Look in the one’s hand.”
“Oh damn it all to hell,” groaned Todd as he saw the glint of metal from the gun.
Title: Amelia in Sueland
Excerpt:
"Are you alright?” asked Amelia. She had never seen anybody looks so sleepy at during the middle of the day, with the exception of Nala. Oh, her poor kitty! How she would love to be at this party, with such a lovely, long table to walk on, and with so many pretty things to knock over and break!
“He’s perfectly fine,” said Holly, interrupting Amelia’s thoughts. “It’s better that way, you know. That form suits him so well!”
“Form?”
“Well,” said Rose Potter, waving her fork, “Ron always was getting in the food like a rat, demanding food three times a day! What, did he think we would spoil him by feeding him our table scraps?”
“He also smelled terribly, so Rose thought that we ought to turn him into a pig,” said Holly, unconcernedly taking a sip of tea.
“Does Rose turn many people into pigs?” asked Amelia, wondering if that was an explanation for the fate of Jenna’s baby.
“No, not often enough. I thought that a rat was ever so much more appropriate though,” Holly said with a smirk.
“I suppose he’s getting more rest as a rat,” said Amelia. She didn’t like the look on Holly’s face one bit.
“Oh, I’m sure he is,” Rose Potter said. “We’re drugging him.”
“Is he ill?”
“Of course he’s sick! He’s a filthy Weasley!”
Title: Stranger In Town
Excerpt:
“Be still John,” Sorin hissed. “We cannot act too soon.”
“I seriously hope that’s some sort of a riddle,” I whispered. “Like ‘you cannot add too much water to a nuclear power plant’. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but they’re going to cut Mary’s head open!”
“My wives are on those tables as well.” Sorin narrowed his eyes and peered intently through the grating. “Do not think I am taking this lightly.”
“Yeah, but your wives are vampires! I think there’s less chance of them bleeding to death midway through surgery or - what is it, Lucy?”
Lucy, who had been tugging on my sleeve frantically for the past few seconds, had this dopey grin on her face and was staring through the bars happily. “It’s them! It’s here!” she said.
“Who? What? Where is it?” Good God, that girl could go off at the weirdest times! “Lucy, what are you going on about?”
“I know this place! I know how to get in!”
Sorin and I stared at each other. I’m not entirely sure what kind of a look I gave, but I’m willing to bet it was close to his. Something along the lines of really?Return to the Sporking Chamber