Breaking Dawn: Chapter 5 - Isle Esme

[zelda_queen]

ZeldaQueen: Right, next chapter! And…we’re moving on to the honeymoon! Well, maybe something interesting will actually happen. And maybe buckets of ravioli and nuggets of gold will fall from the sky.

Comments

[kitsune9tailed]

Are you KIDDING ME? I figured the reason the girls all love this pile of shit, is because at least there's awesome vampire and chicky action (aka, hot, steamy sex). But this whole, (to hear the fans tell it) sweeping epic build up of this (to hear the fans tell it) perfect, True Love Romance(tm) leads to... Nothing. She skips the sex scene. She doesn't even use vague and safe euphemisms to describe it (with words like "flower" and "stamen" and "piledriving power drill").

Holy shit, you have to be kidding me! Every woman I've EVER talked to who's even remotely into these things, gets all wet over reading the steamiest, sexiest smoking hot bonings a girl can ever get. It was supposedly going to be this big payoff for these middle-aged moms, so they could experience the perfect sex. And Meyer just cops out and skips it?

O
M
G

And all those tweeny twifans? Do you honestly think they don't know what sex is, or weren't waiting with their hands down their shorts for this scene? They could probably roll off a dozen positions they've fantasized Edward putting on Bella, but Meyer prolly couldn't even think of one besides "missionary, separated by a sheet with a hole cut in the middle".

Honestly, even as a GUY, I realize how whacked out this is not to include the payoff sex scene in what's supposed to be an epic romance. I've always said that Twilight is like a romance novel without the sex, thus depriving it of its entire point. I didn't actually know I was literally correct.

[zelda_queen]

I just found the black out hilarious. Seriously, Meyer doesn't even give us asterisks or something to mark the passage of time. It's just like "hit enter twice, cue characters taking note of the state of the headboard".