Okay, having finished the second book, I am astounded by some of the plot holes, and even though this is two years old, I have to rant. Before I start, I'd like to point out something, though. Lucius didn't give Ginny the book and locket. A shadowy figure did it while everyone was distracted. It's written poorly enough that I don't blame anyone for not realizing it though.
So let's start with Lucius. His role makes very little sense, and Azar makes no effort to explain it. We have no explanation on why he kicked out Dumbledore, if he desperately didn't want to. The implication is that someone was threatening him (y'know, like he did to the governers), but if that's the case, why didn't he just tell Dumbledore the truth, when (as far as he could tell) it was just him, Hagrid, and Fudge. The only explanation I can come up with is that he didn't trust Fudge, and the sad part is, I won't be surprised if Fudge is a Death Eater.
Moving on to Dobby. Given that the Malfoys are good and not involved in the plot, why throw him in at all? His inconveniences never lead her to any clues or last for more than a paragraph. Skip the Dursleys imprisoning her and the Weasleys rescuing her (she more or less did anyway) and just have Zabini invite her to spend the summer with his family. Have her get on the train just fine, since that had no repercussions at all, and the quidditch match had, if anything, even less. It wouldn't have saved the fic, but it'd be slightly less worse than it is now.
Now for the mysterious figure and presumed Death Eater. What was his motivation? Lucius gave Ginny the diary, only knowing that it could open the chamber of secrets. It was a political move to discredit Arthur, even if it cost some children their lives, because he's a slimy git. The Death Eater presumably still believes Lord Voldemort can return, so shouldn't he be out looking for him instead of wasting time with this? And why give her the diary in the first place? What on earth was that supposed to accomplish? The knowledge of someone who was there the last time these attacks took place could only help them discover the truth (as it did).
On to the Lifestone. I actually like the history of the Lifestone, but that's all I like. Much like the diary, I have no idea what the Death Eaters were hoping to achieve with this. Binns brings it up in the most obvious info-dump I've ever seen. It doesn't explain at all how or why the Heir of Hufflepuff is petrifying students. The Lifestone simply fails in every regard possible.
(I won't rant about how out of nowhere the Heir is, since ZQ handled that quite well).
And finally, to kick it off, we have the final confrontation. If the author had any sense of drama, we'd be using Autmn instead of Ginny for this, but Slytherins are all awesome, instead of someone Holly actually cares about, we have Ginny as Random MacGuffin Girl. The Heir absorbs Ginny's life force in order to become real, then Riddle effectively steals it so he can be a real boy. Again, if the author had a shred of good writing in her, she'd have Riddle realize that he can only continue to live again at the cost of a young girl's life, return the energy to Ginny and go back to the book. Or, y'know, say "screw the girl" and actually be evil about it. Instead, Ginny's fine, which means that the Heir didn't need her to manifest in the first place, meaning we don't have the slightest motivation for why any of the bad guys did anything!
I think that's all the major points. I've certainly seen even flimsier plots, but this might be the first time I've seen a fic this bad that didn't just peter out after a few chapters.
Finally, because it's a huge pet peeve of mine: We have plenty of other house-elves, so I don't think it will really matter in the long run. No. You don't. Winky explicitly stated in Goblet of Fire that there is no house in England large enough to warrant two house-elves.
I like the Lifestone idea as well, but the infodump (I wrote infodumb and I wasn't wrong) was SO STUPID. It would have been excellent if we'd, y'know, gotten to hear a bunch of other things from Wizarding history because we're following someone who takes more after Hermione (as we are told but not shown), but it's one of those out-of-place texture things.
The fic does explain a little bit of why the Heir is petrifying people-in one hurried sentence in one of the most pointless and idiotic parts, it says they're "failed attempts to steal strength". Presumably the specter is trying, as canon Diary!Voldemort, to gain solidity; if not, he's trying to steal strength for some other purpose. (I also don't get why they "failed" or what a "successful" theft would look like)
It really ends up making the specter the most interesting and logical character in the whole mess, completely by accident. What killed them? How did they get in the stone? Why are they looking for strength if not for solidity? Are they trying to heal someone? (perhaps they intend to bring back Helga Hufflepuff to sort out this damn mess, heheh) Are their victims random, or chosen by, say, being disloyal or lazy, or to specifically frame Slytherin? You'd think in this wangstfest they'd choose the latter, but I guess it made too much sense.
Ah, well. Perhaps it's just that the author was too much shit to elaborate on their damn big bad, and thus couldn't ruin what is, in essence, a pretty neat idea.
Before I start, I'd like to point out something, though. Lucius didn't give Ginny the book and locket. A shadowy figure did it while everyone was distracted. It's written poorly enough that I don't blame anyone for not realizing it though.
So let's start with Lucius. His role makes very little sense, and Azar makes no effort to explain it. We have no explanation on why he kicked out Dumbledore, if he desperately didn't want to. The implication is that someone was threatening him (y'know, like he did to the governers), but if that's the case, why didn't he just tell Dumbledore the truth, when (as far as he could tell) it was just him, Hagrid, and Fudge. The only explanation I can come up with is that he didn't trust Fudge, and the sad part is, I won't be surprised if Fudge is a Death Eater.
Moving on to Dobby. Given that the Malfoys are good and not involved in the plot, why throw him in at all? His inconveniences never lead her to any clues or last for more than a paragraph. Skip the Dursleys imprisoning her and the Weasleys rescuing her (she more or less did anyway) and just have Zabini invite her to spend the summer with his family. Have her get on the train just fine, since that had no repercussions at all, and the quidditch match had, if anything, even less. It wouldn't have saved the fic, but it'd be slightly less worse than it is now.
Now for the mysterious figure and presumed Death Eater. What was his motivation? Lucius gave Ginny the diary, only knowing that it could open the chamber of secrets. It was a political move to discredit Arthur, even if it cost some children their lives, because he's a slimy git. The Death Eater presumably still believes Lord Voldemort can return, so shouldn't he be out looking for him instead of wasting time with this?
And why give her the diary in the first place? What on earth was that supposed to accomplish? The knowledge of someone who was there the last time these attacks took place could only help them discover the truth (as it did).
On to the Lifestone. I actually like the history of the Lifestone, but that's all I like. Much like the diary, I have no idea what the Death Eaters were hoping to achieve with this. Binns brings it up in the most obvious info-dump I've ever seen. It doesn't explain at all how or why the Heir of Hufflepuff is petrifying students. The Lifestone simply fails in every regard possible.
(I won't rant about how out of nowhere the Heir is, since ZQ handled that quite well).
And finally, to kick it off, we have the final confrontation. If the author had any sense of drama, we'd be using Autmn instead of Ginny for this, but Slytherins are all awesome, instead of someone Holly actually cares about, we have Ginny as Random MacGuffin Girl.
The Heir absorbs Ginny's life force in order to become real, then Riddle effectively steals it so he can be a real boy. Again, if the author had a shred of good writing in her, she'd have Riddle realize that he can only continue to live again at the cost of a young girl's life, return the energy to Ginny and go back to the book. Or, y'know, say "screw the girl" and actually be evil about it.
Instead, Ginny's fine, which means that the Heir didn't need her to manifest in the first place, meaning we don't have the slightest motivation for why any of the bad guys did anything!
I think that's all the major points. I've certainly seen even flimsier plots, but this might be the first time I've seen a fic this bad that didn't just peter out after a few chapters.
Finally, because it's a huge pet peeve of mine:
We have plenty of other house-elves, so I don't think it will really matter in the long run.
No. You don't. Winky explicitly stated in Goblet of Fire that there is no house in England large enough to warrant two house-elves.
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1) Ron's infatuation with Holly serves no purpose other than to reinforce that every single male character will fall for her.
2) The tunnels she finds are absolutely pointless. Don't introduce plot elements that you're not going to use!
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The fic does explain a little bit of why the Heir is petrifying people-in one hurried sentence in one of the most pointless and idiotic parts, it says they're "failed attempts to steal strength". Presumably the specter is trying, as canon Diary!Voldemort, to gain solidity; if not, he's trying to steal strength for some other purpose. (I also don't get why they "failed" or what a "successful" theft would look like)
It really ends up making the specter the most interesting and logical character in the whole mess, completely by accident. What killed them? How did they get in the stone? Why are they looking for strength if not for solidity? Are they trying to heal someone? (perhaps they intend to bring back Helga Hufflepuff to sort out this damn mess, heheh) Are their victims random, or chosen by, say, being disloyal or lazy, or to specifically frame Slytherin? You'd think in this wangstfest they'd choose the latter, but I guess it made too much sense.
Ah, well. Perhaps it's just that the author was too much shit to elaborate on their damn big bad, and thus couldn't ruin what is, in essence, a pretty neat idea.
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