Hush, Hush: Chapter 29
ZeldaQueen: This is it! Second-to-last chapter of this horrible story! This is it! ARE. YOU. READY. TO. RUUUUUMBLE???
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 29
ZeldaQueen: Well, after Jules inexplicably keeled over (perhaps his balls were the source of his power?) Nora continues on her Quest for Vee. Now, if Nora were sensible, this would be the point where she would say "fuck that noise" and run outside to call the police. After all, Elliot is nearly dead, Jules is unconscious, and the car is right outside, and presumably there are houses near the school. Or, if Nora was not willing to do that (and alright, I could buy her being worried for Vee's safety too much to leave), she would take a second to find something to turn into a makeshift weapon. After all, it's been proven that Jules can feel pain, and carrying around a baseball bat or a large piece of wood when you're being stalked by a murderous psycho is never a bad thing.
Naturally, Nora is not a sensible person. Therefore, she just goes barreling through the school, all helter-skelter.
DUMBASS!
Although Nora does not have time to consider getting a weapon or finding some form of protection, she does give thought to where Jules could best hide Vee to make a rescue difficult. Her reasoning for the first part of this makes a decent amount of sense. She reasons that the higher up Vee is stuck, the more difficult it would be to save her. Fair enough. And then, for no reason at all, the exact location of Vee just pops into her head. No, really. I'm dead serious
"He wants to make it hard to escape and hard to be found, I reasoned. I brought up a mental blueprint of the building, narrowing my attention to the upper levels. Chances were, Vee was on the third floor, the highest in the school-except for a small fourth floor, which was more of an attic than anything else. A narrow staircase accessible only from the third floor led up to it. There were two bungalow-style classrooms at the top: AP Spanish and the eZine lab.
Vee was in the eZine lab. Just like that, I knew it"
ZeldaQueen: I...
WHAT?
What the fuck - where did that come from? There was nothing there! That doesn't even sound like she made an educated guess! That just sounds like she borrowed Zoey Redbird's Deus Ex Machina Feeling! Fitzpatrick, FOLLOW YOUR POINT OF VIEW CHARACTER'S CHAIN OF THOUGHT ALL THE WAY!
And yes, of course, that random notion is correct. I'm desperately waiting for a book where the has a Deus Ex Machina Feeling and it turns out she's really just guessing and gets it wrong.
Fitzpatrick decides to emulate Meyer and Airhead and gives a very brief mention of Nora groping around in the dark for the staircase to the fourth floor, before we jump ahead to her running into the eZine lab. For whatever reason (probably that Jules is a shitty villain), the door is not locked and Nora just waltzes right on in. Now, if we were to get that Jules was a really sadistic bad guy, he would have set it up for Nora to reach this room unhindered and suffering the psychological fear, only to slam the door shut, lock it from the inside, and have fun torturing both girls, taking it in turns so one gets to watch while the other screams. But then again, that's just me.
Vee is indeed in there, and is a useless lump, curled up on the floor and moaning. She seems a bit out-of-it considering that the last thing she remembered was being knocked out by Jules and didn't immediately recognize Nora in the dark and still is keeping quiet. I'd be tempted to think Fitzpatrick was going for the idea that Vee was concussed or suffered some such head injury and was incoherent because of that, except that Vee picks up just fine. Well, except that she's still an idiot and a load, but that's to be expected with her.
Nora, who appears to be slightly smarter now that she's not in the vicinity of Patch's abs, tells Vee that they need to make a break for it now. Vee continues to whine and whimper and insists that she's blind, because Jules cut the lights while she was passed out and she woke up in the darkness. Okay, this is ridiculous. I don't care how dark it is, I find it hard to believe that it could be so dark in there that Vee couldn't make out something. Heck, at the very least, doesn't the school have street lights that would shine in through the window? Or the moon?
In any case, Nora tells Vee that it's time to go. Vee despairs, because Jules chained all of the doors. Nora's all "Nuh uh, the one I came in was open", and Vee replies that it must have been the only door to the room that was left unchained. Nora suddenly realizes that this is what Jules meant when he wished her luck escaping - he had left her with only one way out. Okay, that is clever...if you ignore the fact that Nora now has the hostage - the only thing keeping her in the school - and has access to a number of chairs and desks and equipment which she can easily use as against Jules, because Jules was an idiot and left himself with only one way to attack them (a way that involves him fighting uphill while injured and leaving himself open to being sandwiched between them and Patch, no less). So yeah, taking that into account, that's an incredibly stupid plan. The Bowler Hat Man from Meet the Robinsons thought out his plans better.
Of course, Jules could have been taking into account that Nora and Vee are monumentally stupid, which they are, seeing as none of the above occurs to them in the slightest.
Oh, and this is precious! Vee knows about the chained doors because - get this - he chained them before he knocked her out. And the excuse he gave her? To keep people from going out of bounds while playing the game.
You know, by now I think I've grown numb to how incredibly idiotic this girl is. All I can do is laugh at that and wonder how Jules explained sneaking a number of rather large chains into the high school. Suppose it went something like this
Vee: Oh wow, this game of high school hide and seek will be the best ever! Erm, Jules? Why are you sneaking those chains inside?
Jules: Uhhh these? No reason. I just thought I'd use them to lock up every door into the eZine lab but one.
Vee: Why would you do that?
Jules: Because it's....um...out of bounds! Yeah!
Vee: Wait, so just those two doors are out of bounds? Like, the doors themselves? The actual staircases and all are good, seeing as you don't have enough chains to lock down any other doors than the ones in the lab?
Jules: Correct.
Vee: And you can't just put a sign on the doors telling Elliot and myself to not go through? It's not like we're hosting the Hide and Seek championships in here.
Jules: I play hardcore. Right. Hey, what do you say we start the game in the eZine lab? And pay no attention to this rag I'm carrying. It in no way has been soaked in chloroform!
ZeldaQueen: The stupid is killing me, I swear to God.
And no, Nora does not slap Vee silly for that level of dumbassity. Nor does it occur to her that betwen herself, Vee, and Patch, they well outnumber Jules. And yes, I know that Vee is useless and Jules has mindraping powers, but like I said, they pretty clearly have the upper hand here! He has stupidly given them time and resources to prepare to take him! Why is this an issue?
Wait, no, don't answer that. It's pretty obvious why this is an issue. Fitzpatrick wants to pad the novel and can't end it until Patch has swooped in and rescued his Lady Love, because a woman rescuing herself is completely ridiculous.
So instead of trying to concoct a plan of some sort that will take down Jules, Nora hits upon the plan of escaping...out the window. From the fourth floor. Okay then. You enjoy those broken leg bones. After all, hasn't it only been a week or so at the most since Vee recovered from her own broken leg?
Okay, granted they do plan to escape via a window closer to the ground. I still fail to see how that's any more practical than waiting for Jules to come for them and springing a trap.
Nora tells Vee that once they're out of the building, they're to run in opposite directions for help, since Jules can't chase both of them at the same time. Vee starts to cry and say it's all her fault, which it is (I'm terribly sorry, but I have no more patience for her). Nora comforts her and I wave my arms in frustration because DUDE. MURDEROUS NEPHILIM AFTER YOU. HAVE BREAKDOWN LATER. ESCAPE NOW.
Finally they run for it, and of course that right there is when Jules shows up. What convenient timing. Oh, and by this point, I honestly have no idea how the school has been laid out, between all the descriptions of Nora and Vee and Jules going up stairs and down halls and west and east and goddam! I should not need a GPS to figure out this story!
Nora tells Vee to run for it, and Vee does so. Jules is not worried in the slighest, because he knows he can finish Nora off before the police show up. Given how useless the police seem to be in this town, that sounds depressingly accurate. Nora makes a break for it and runs to the athletic wing even though I swear to God Vee had just said the door to that area was chained up! Like I said, I have no idea where anything is, though.
So we're in the girl's gym room and what is Nora's grand plan? Why, to hide in her gym locker in the hopes that the police arrive in time to save her!
...That has got to be the worst plan I've ever heard. Nora, dearest, are you aware that your master scheme boils down to YOU LOCKING YOURSELF IN AN ENCLOSED SPACE, ESSENTIALLY LOCKING YOURSELF IN A CAGE AND MAKING THINGS EASIER FOR YOUR PURSUER! And no, I don't buy that it would take Jules twenty minutes to search the lockers for her! For starters, if he tracked her to the locker room and thought she was hiding in there, I'm pretty sure he'd quickly hit upon the idea that she's hiding in her own locker. I'd also like to add that with all of the connecting rooms and corridors in a high school, how the fuck is hiding in a locker a better plan than running for the doors? Actually, wouldn't she be near a door already? Aren't the locker rooms and gyms of high schools usually located near a quick and convenient exit to the high school so, you know, they can easily leave to use the various sports fields? It was already established that their PE classes go outside to play baseball. So what, do the students get changed in the locker room and go down a flight of steps and a few corridors to get outside or something?
WHY DOES THIS STORY MAKE NO SENSE???
But wait! When Nora throws herself at the door to the girl's locker room, it's locked! Ruh-oh! She's trapped in the...gym. Wait. She had to run through the gym to get to the locker rooms? What, is this in the same bizarro universe that Twilight is in?
In any case, Nora collapses and starts trying not to faint. She leans up against the door and closes her eyes as Jules advances towards her
ZeldaQueen: My kingdom for some feminine empowerment here. Instead, we get Nora pleading for her life. Lovely. By now, I'm more than sick of having to hear Nora scream and sob and hide. Fitzpatrick, it's disgusting how you treat your protagonist.
Jules saunters on up and says that he learned from Vee that Nora is afraid of heights. Oh yeah, remember that? That trait that only showed up once before, and which Patch exploited to take advantage of her? Looks like Jules is going for the same angle. How interesting. Yes, apparently he intends to throw her off of the rafters in the gym, or something similar.
Patch, meanwhile, has taken the opportunity to make his reappearance. Well, he certainly has been helpful thus far, hasn't he? What, with all of his fallen angel powers and knowledge of the world, he just happened to be in all the places in the school that Vee and Nora weren't? And incidentally, if you're wondering where Patch was up until now, Fitzpatrick gave that information. It boiled down to "he was searching every room as quickly as he could, but he saw no reason to hurry". I wish I was making that up.
Well anyway, the Big Strong Man is here to save Nora, so she has no need to fear. Fantastic. She starts asking Jules questions to keep him from noticing Patch, which is a reasonable enough tactic. She asks if he attacked Marcie Millar (yeah, remember that bit of pointlessness?) and in fact he did, mainly because "I didn't like the idea of someone else having the pleasure of tormenting my girl".
*raises eyebrow* Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought that sounded like something out of Patch's mouth.
She then asks if he was the one spying on her in her bedroom...Jesus Christ, how long ago was that? Has it even been referenced between then and now? But no, that was him. Great. Good to know we have all of those pointless threads we most likely forgot about all tied off.
Nora's distractions were for naught however, as Jules does realize that Patch is there. He starts sneering about how he wants to see Patch's face when he kills Nora, and that Patch is helpless to save her. Um...Jules? I think you need to rethink your logic a little. See, Patch here is completely impervious to pain and has experience fighting. You may or may not have fighting experience, but you can clearly feel pain. You also have a gash in your leg from that scalpel wound (which I'm sure shouldn't have made you bleed that much, but whatever). The only advantage you have is being closest to Nora, and if she were to escape, as she has every incentive to do, you really don't have much going for you. Add in the fact that Patch is a violent motherfucker who clearly doesn't give a rats ass about you on a good day, and I'd say you're screwed.
Well, granted Jules does have one thing on his side - a revolver. I have no idea where he got that from. I'm just going to pretend that he snuck that in with the chains, and Vee was too stupid to wonder about it. Jules sticks the gun to Nora's neck, Nora starts sobbing because clearly she hasn't been victimized enough yet, and Patch goes all bad boy scary, which I'm sure the fans and Fitzpatrick think is hot.
Hey Patch, you want to know what could help out now? Telling Jules that Nora is his descendent and killing her would kill him! At the very least, one would think it would make him pause, and I fail to see how him getting that information would cause issues.
Oh wait, grand reveal. Nevermind!
So we save that for later. Instead, Patch possesses Nora.
...Bluh?
"Without warning, a rush of power coursed into me. The foreign force expanded to fill me. My body was completely vulnerable to Patch, all my strength and freedom forfeited as he took possession of me"
ZeldaQueen: *stares*
...He has invaded her mind. He has invaded her privacy. He has invaded her personal space. He has thrown her on a bed and held her there. He has physically restrained her and prevented her from getting help to save her from him. And now... he just entered her body.
Thank you for that, Fitzpatrick. Clearly you didn't think Patch's pseudo-rape of Nora wasn't complete. I guess him stealing her body without her knowledge or consent rounds it out nicely, doesn't it?
That's not even going into the canon contradictions. It's not the first two weeks of November. Patch should not be able to possess anyone. Wasn't that the point behind Cheshvan not having any feasts or holy days and thus being the only time when fallen angels (demons) could possess humans and Nephilim? Didn't Patch say in his story that he couldn't possess anyone because he went to Earth when it wasn't Cheshvan?
Oh, whatever. It's very obvious that the rules are getting tossed out the window so that Fitzpatrick can wank over how bad boy and awesome Patch is, possessing his girlfriend and beating the shit out of Jules. I'd like to point out two things wrong with this plan.
First of all, even if Patch has knowledge of how to properly attack someone, he must be limited to the physical capablities of Nora's body. I was under the impression that Nora was skinny and not particularly powerful. So how is he using her body to smash Jules - a guy who is at the very least much taller than Nora - around the gyme?
Second of all, remember that gun pressed to Nora's neck? Like, right up against there? With something held that close, even if Patch did pull of that zany scheme successfully, isn't there still a huge chance that her head would be blown into chunky salsa? Yes, I know that it's a desperate situation, but no one ever thinks anything about it later, especially the fact that Patch put Nora at serious risk while basically violating her body.
So yeah, Patch, while in Nora's body, somehow manages to hold Jules on the ground and strangle him. I'm callin bullshit, but whatever. We're almost done with this thing. Patch mentally tells Nora that since it's not Chesvan, he's going to be kicked out of her body soon - OH COME ON! How does that work? *shakes head* Apparently it's not allowed, implying that he's breaking specific rules, which apparently are very weak rules if fallen angels are able to get inside people at all to begin with. He tells Nora that once he's booted out of her body, she should be a good little wimmuns and run for it.
Not long after, Patch is kicked out and Nora makes a run for it. Unfortunately, Jules mindrapes her into thinking that the door is locked, and she can't get past this hallucination. Thus, her only option for escape is to climb the rafters and get out through an air shaft. What? This wouldn't be complete without that particular cliche, and Fitzpatrick went to all the trouble to set up this contrived situation.
So up Nora goes, heading for the rafters via a ladder which apparently is just left around for any idiot to climb up. I'd think that in a high school they'd make some effort to keep the kids from goofing off on it, but whatever. As she heads up, Jules mindrapes her again, this time to think that that ladder is breaking apart under her feet. It's okay though, because Patch is there to give her a pep talk! Yes, because Patch is such a great motivational speaker! What's he even doing around here, anyway? Didn't he break the rules? Isn't he being summoned for some angelic hearing or something? Do the angels even do anything to him for breaking so many laws? Apparently not.
Nora closes her eyes and lets Patch's voice guide her up, because by now she has pretty much lost the ability to fight or do anything without his assistance. Our Heroine, ladies and gentlemen. She reaches the rafters, and somehow Jules is right behind her. After nearly being strangled and with a stabbed, bleeding leg. Um...okay then. That boy's got some stamina.
Somehow, Nora is able to spot a tiny birthmark on his wrist, which is exactly the same as hers. This...brings home for her the fact that he's her ancestor. The book treats this like some sort of revelation, but she already seemed to have accepted the fact, so I fail to see how it's significant. Unless this is when we're being reminded that Nora dying somehow causes Jules to die...
...She's not.
Christ, she is.
Nora is going to kill herself to kill Jules. And she's going to kill herself rather than let him kill her not for anything like wanting to have control of her own fate, but because she wants Patch to get that fucking human body. Because clearly he's been such a good boy who has treated her well, he deserves her dying so he can get a happy ending.
*inhales*
ARE YOU SERIOUS???
"I looked down, even though it made me dizzy. Patch was far below on the gym floor, still as death. Right then, I wanted to go back in time and relive every moment with him. One more secret smile, one more shared laugh. One more electric kiss. Finding him was like finding someone I didn't know I was searching for. He'd come into my life too late, and now was leaving too soon. I remembered him telling me he'd give up everything for me. He already had. He'd given up a human body of his own so I could live"
*pinches bridge of nose*
First of all, "one more secret smile, one more shared laugh"? When did you do either of those things with him? You always went on about how his smiles were dangerous and you were scared of him! Did you ever laugh together about anything?
Second of all, Nora. Sweetheart. Darling. YOU HARDLY KNOW THE GUY. Of the times you knew him, you only went on three outings that might be considered a date. Two of said outings he only asked you out for because he wanted to murder you. Three-quarters of the time you hung out with him, you were scared and suspicious and angry with him. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BUY THAT YOU AND HE HAD SUCH A FANTASTIC, ELECTRIC RELATIONSHIP? NO. I WILL NOT. IT IS COMPLETELY AND IRREFUTABLY BULLSHIT.
Third, yes, what a horrible, horrible sacrifice Patch made. He didn't get what he wanted because he didn't MURDER Her! I swear to God, Nora must have sustained serious brain damage over the course of this book because that fact just does not register with her! This is not a Black Jack story, where a loving parent dies so their child can have their kidneys. You got to live because AT THE LAST MINUTE, HE DECIDED THAT MURDERING YOU WAS WRONG! What a shocker! How many people know that? A LOT. THAT'S HOW MANY. For fuck's sake, what is going on with the world, where we're expected to view abstaining from murdering innocent people as a mark of exceptional compassion? Hell, if that's the case, I'm well on my way to sainthood!
Fourth, how in the name of Jehosephat did Patch give up a human body? He never had one. You can't give up what you don't actually have, sweet cheeks.
Fifth, I am filled with immense pain, knowing that Fitzpatrick and the many fans of this series all read that quote and thought it was the most romantic thing ever.
I am so very, very tired.
Nora tells Jules how she's his descendent and thus if she sacrifices herself, Patch gets his human body and Jules gets to die. And Jules...doesn't know this. Um, odd. Why did he think Patch was stalking Nora? And he doesn't question that at all or show confusion, so he seems to already know about the way the deal works. (Although I must say, I'm still confused, since apparently a willing sacrifice works, but just murdering the descendent doesn't and...I think this book is going to drive me to drinking)
So yeah. Jules tries to kill Nora and Nora tosses herself off of the rafters. I do so love that the best contribution Nora can make to her own story is killing herself, and doing it for the benefit of her abusive boyfriend. What an utterly fantastic moral this story has!
Onward to: Chapter 30
Back to: Chapter 28
Return to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 29
ZeldaQueen: Well, after Jules inexplicably keeled over (perhaps his balls were the source of his power?) Nora continues on her Quest for Vee. Now, if Nora were sensible, this would be the point where she would say "fuck that noise" and run outside to call the police. After all, Elliot is nearly dead, Jules is unconscious, and the car is right outside, and presumably there are houses near the school. Or, if Nora was not willing to do that (and alright, I could buy her being worried for Vee's safety too much to leave), she would take a second to find something to turn into a makeshift weapon. After all, it's been proven that Jules can feel pain, and carrying around a baseball bat or a large piece of wood when you're being stalked by a murderous psycho is never a bad thing.
Naturally, Nora is not a sensible person. Therefore, she just goes barreling through the school, all helter-skelter.
DUMBASS!
Although Nora does not have time to consider getting a weapon or finding some form of protection, she does give thought to where Jules could best hide Vee to make a rescue difficult. Her reasoning for the first part of this makes a decent amount of sense. She reasons that the higher up Vee is stuck, the more difficult it would be to save her. Fair enough. And then, for no reason at all, the exact location of Vee just pops into her head. No, really. I'm dead serious
"He wants to make it hard to escape and hard to be found, I reasoned. I brought up a mental blueprint of the building, narrowing my attention to the upper levels. Chances were, Vee was on the third floor, the highest in the school-except for a small fourth floor, which was more of an attic than anything else. A narrow staircase accessible only from the third floor led up to it. There were two bungalow-style classrooms at the top: AP Spanish and the eZine lab.
Vee was in the eZine lab. Just like that, I knew it"
ZeldaQueen: I...
WHAT?
What the fuck - where did that come from? There was nothing there! That doesn't even sound like she made an educated guess! That just sounds like she borrowed Zoey Redbird's Deus Ex Machina Feeling! Fitzpatrick, FOLLOW YOUR POINT OF VIEW CHARACTER'S CHAIN OF THOUGHT ALL THE WAY!
And yes, of course, that random notion is correct. I'm desperately waiting for a book where the has a Deus Ex Machina Feeling and it turns out she's really just guessing and gets it wrong.
Fitzpatrick decides to emulate Meyer and Airhead and gives a very brief mention of Nora groping around in the dark for the staircase to the fourth floor, before we jump ahead to her running into the eZine lab. For whatever reason (probably that Jules is a shitty villain), the door is not locked and Nora just waltzes right on in. Now, if we were to get that Jules was a really sadistic bad guy, he would have set it up for Nora to reach this room unhindered and suffering the psychological fear, only to slam the door shut, lock it from the inside, and have fun torturing both girls, taking it in turns so one gets to watch while the other screams. But then again, that's just me.
Vee is indeed in there, and is a useless lump, curled up on the floor and moaning. She seems a bit out-of-it considering that the last thing she remembered was being knocked out by Jules and didn't immediately recognize Nora in the dark and still is keeping quiet. I'd be tempted to think Fitzpatrick was going for the idea that Vee was concussed or suffered some such head injury and was incoherent because of that, except that Vee picks up just fine. Well, except that she's still an idiot and a load, but that's to be expected with her.
Nora, who appears to be slightly smarter now that she's not in the vicinity of Patch's abs, tells Vee that they need to make a break for it now. Vee continues to whine and whimper and insists that she's blind, because Jules cut the lights while she was passed out and she woke up in the darkness. Okay, this is ridiculous. I don't care how dark it is, I find it hard to believe that it could be so dark in there that Vee couldn't make out something. Heck, at the very least, doesn't the school have street lights that would shine in through the window? Or the moon?
In any case, Nora tells Vee that it's time to go. Vee despairs, because Jules chained all of the doors. Nora's all "Nuh uh, the one I came in was open", and Vee replies that it must have been the only door to the room that was left unchained. Nora suddenly realizes that this is what Jules meant when he wished her luck escaping - he had left her with only one way out. Okay, that is clever...if you ignore the fact that Nora now has the hostage - the only thing keeping her in the school - and has access to a number of chairs and desks and equipment which she can easily use as against Jules, because Jules was an idiot and left himself with only one way to attack them (a way that involves him fighting uphill while injured and leaving himself open to being sandwiched between them and Patch, no less). So yeah, taking that into account, that's an incredibly stupid plan. The Bowler Hat Man from Meet the Robinsons thought out his plans better.
Of course, Jules could have been taking into account that Nora and Vee are monumentally stupid, which they are, seeing as none of the above occurs to them in the slightest.
Oh, and this is precious! Vee knows about the chained doors because - get this - he chained them before he knocked her out. And the excuse he gave her? To keep people from going out of bounds while playing the game.
You know, by now I think I've grown numb to how incredibly idiotic this girl is. All I can do is laugh at that and wonder how Jules explained sneaking a number of rather large chains into the high school. Suppose it went something like this
Vee: Oh wow, this game of high school hide and seek will be the best ever! Erm, Jules? Why are you sneaking those chains inside?
Jules: Uhhh these? No reason. I just thought I'd use them to lock up every door into the eZine lab but one.
Vee: Why would you do that?
Jules: Because it's....um...out of bounds! Yeah!
Vee: Wait, so just those two doors are out of bounds? Like, the doors themselves? The actual staircases and all are good, seeing as you don't have enough chains to lock down any other doors than the ones in the lab?
Jules: Correct.
Vee: And you can't just put a sign on the doors telling Elliot and myself to not go through? It's not like we're hosting the Hide and Seek championships in here.
Jules: I play hardcore. Right. Hey, what do you say we start the game in the eZine lab? And pay no attention to this rag I'm carrying. It in no way has been soaked in chloroform!
ZeldaQueen: The stupid is killing me, I swear to God.
And no, Nora does not slap Vee silly for that level of dumbassity. Nor does it occur to her that betwen herself, Vee, and Patch, they well outnumber Jules. And yes, I know that Vee is useless and Jules has mindraping powers, but like I said, they pretty clearly have the upper hand here! He has stupidly given them time and resources to prepare to take him! Why is this an issue?
Wait, no, don't answer that. It's pretty obvious why this is an issue. Fitzpatrick wants to pad the novel and can't end it until Patch has swooped in and rescued his Lady Love, because a woman rescuing herself is completely ridiculous.
So instead of trying to concoct a plan of some sort that will take down Jules, Nora hits upon the plan of escaping...out the window. From the fourth floor. Okay then. You enjoy those broken leg bones. After all, hasn't it only been a week or so at the most since Vee recovered from her own broken leg?
Okay, granted they do plan to escape via a window closer to the ground. I still fail to see how that's any more practical than waiting for Jules to come for them and springing a trap.
Nora tells Vee that once they're out of the building, they're to run in opposite directions for help, since Jules can't chase both of them at the same time. Vee starts to cry and say it's all her fault, which it is (I'm terribly sorry, but I have no more patience for her). Nora comforts her and I wave my arms in frustration because DUDE. MURDEROUS NEPHILIM AFTER YOU. HAVE BREAKDOWN LATER. ESCAPE NOW.
Finally they run for it, and of course that right there is when Jules shows up. What convenient timing. Oh, and by this point, I honestly have no idea how the school has been laid out, between all the descriptions of Nora and Vee and Jules going up stairs and down halls and west and east and goddam! I should not need a GPS to figure out this story!
Nora tells Vee to run for it, and Vee does so. Jules is not worried in the slighest, because he knows he can finish Nora off before the police show up. Given how useless the police seem to be in this town, that sounds depressingly accurate. Nora makes a break for it and runs to the athletic wing even though I swear to God Vee had just said the door to that area was chained up! Like I said, I have no idea where anything is, though.
So we're in the girl's gym room and what is Nora's grand plan? Why, to hide in her gym locker in the hopes that the police arrive in time to save her!
...That has got to be the worst plan I've ever heard. Nora, dearest, are you aware that your master scheme boils down to YOU LOCKING YOURSELF IN AN ENCLOSED SPACE, ESSENTIALLY LOCKING YOURSELF IN A CAGE AND MAKING THINGS EASIER FOR YOUR PURSUER! And no, I don't buy that it would take Jules twenty minutes to search the lockers for her! For starters, if he tracked her to the locker room and thought she was hiding in there, I'm pretty sure he'd quickly hit upon the idea that she's hiding in her own locker. I'd also like to add that with all of the connecting rooms and corridors in a high school, how the fuck is hiding in a locker a better plan than running for the doors? Actually, wouldn't she be near a door already? Aren't the locker rooms and gyms of high schools usually located near a quick and convenient exit to the high school so, you know, they can easily leave to use the various sports fields? It was already established that their PE classes go outside to play baseball. So what, do the students get changed in the locker room and go down a flight of steps and a few corridors to get outside or something?
WHY DOES THIS STORY MAKE NO SENSE???
But wait! When Nora throws herself at the door to the girl's locker room, it's locked! Ruh-oh! She's trapped in the...gym. Wait. She had to run through the gym to get to the locker rooms? What, is this in the same bizarro universe that Twilight is in?
In any case, Nora collapses and starts trying not to faint. She leans up against the door and closes her eyes as Jules advances towards her
ZeldaQueen: My kingdom for some feminine empowerment here. Instead, we get Nora pleading for her life. Lovely. By now, I'm more than sick of having to hear Nora scream and sob and hide. Fitzpatrick, it's disgusting how you treat your protagonist.
Jules saunters on up and says that he learned from Vee that Nora is afraid of heights. Oh yeah, remember that? That trait that only showed up once before, and which Patch exploited to take advantage of her? Looks like Jules is going for the same angle. How interesting. Yes, apparently he intends to throw her off of the rafters in the gym, or something similar.
Patch, meanwhile, has taken the opportunity to make his reappearance. Well, he certainly has been helpful thus far, hasn't he? What, with all of his fallen angel powers and knowledge of the world, he just happened to be in all the places in the school that Vee and Nora weren't? And incidentally, if you're wondering where Patch was up until now, Fitzpatrick gave that information. It boiled down to "he was searching every room as quickly as he could, but he saw no reason to hurry". I wish I was making that up.
Well anyway, the Big Strong Man is here to save Nora, so she has no need to fear. Fantastic. She starts asking Jules questions to keep him from noticing Patch, which is a reasonable enough tactic. She asks if he attacked Marcie Millar (yeah, remember that bit of pointlessness?) and in fact he did, mainly because "I didn't like the idea of someone else having the pleasure of tormenting my girl".
*raises eyebrow* Please tell me I'm not the only one who thought that sounded like something out of Patch's mouth.
She then asks if he was the one spying on her in her bedroom...Jesus Christ, how long ago was that? Has it even been referenced between then and now? But no, that was him. Great. Good to know we have all of those pointless threads we most likely forgot about all tied off.
Nora's distractions were for naught however, as Jules does realize that Patch is there. He starts sneering about how he wants to see Patch's face when he kills Nora, and that Patch is helpless to save her. Um...Jules? I think you need to rethink your logic a little. See, Patch here is completely impervious to pain and has experience fighting. You may or may not have fighting experience, but you can clearly feel pain. You also have a gash in your leg from that scalpel wound (which I'm sure shouldn't have made you bleed that much, but whatever). The only advantage you have is being closest to Nora, and if she were to escape, as she has every incentive to do, you really don't have much going for you. Add in the fact that Patch is a violent motherfucker who clearly doesn't give a rats ass about you on a good day, and I'd say you're screwed.
Well, granted Jules does have one thing on his side - a revolver. I have no idea where he got that from. I'm just going to pretend that he snuck that in with the chains, and Vee was too stupid to wonder about it. Jules sticks the gun to Nora's neck, Nora starts sobbing because clearly she hasn't been victimized enough yet, and Patch goes all bad boy scary, which I'm sure the fans and Fitzpatrick think is hot.
Hey Patch, you want to know what could help out now? Telling Jules that Nora is his descendent and killing her would kill him! At the very least, one would think it would make him pause, and I fail to see how him getting that information would cause issues.
Oh wait, grand reveal. Nevermind!
So we save that for later. Instead, Patch possesses Nora.
...Bluh?
"Without warning, a rush of power coursed into me. The foreign force expanded to fill me. My body was completely vulnerable to Patch, all my strength and freedom forfeited as he took possession of me"
ZeldaQueen: *stares*
...He has invaded her mind. He has invaded her privacy. He has invaded her personal space. He has thrown her on a bed and held her there. He has physically restrained her and prevented her from getting help to save her from him. And now... he just entered her body.
Thank you for that, Fitzpatrick. Clearly you didn't think Patch's pseudo-rape of Nora wasn't complete. I guess him stealing her body without her knowledge or consent rounds it out nicely, doesn't it?
That's not even going into the canon contradictions. It's not the first two weeks of November. Patch should not be able to possess anyone. Wasn't that the point behind Cheshvan not having any feasts or holy days and thus being the only time when fallen angels (demons) could possess humans and Nephilim? Didn't Patch say in his story that he couldn't possess anyone because he went to Earth when it wasn't Cheshvan?
Oh, whatever. It's very obvious that the rules are getting tossed out the window so that Fitzpatrick can wank over how bad boy and awesome Patch is, possessing his girlfriend and beating the shit out of Jules. I'd like to point out two things wrong with this plan.
First of all, even if Patch has knowledge of how to properly attack someone, he must be limited to the physical capablities of Nora's body. I was under the impression that Nora was skinny and not particularly powerful. So how is he using her body to smash Jules - a guy who is at the very least much taller than Nora - around the gyme?
Second of all, remember that gun pressed to Nora's neck? Like, right up against there? With something held that close, even if Patch did pull of that zany scheme successfully, isn't there still a huge chance that her head would be blown into chunky salsa? Yes, I know that it's a desperate situation, but no one ever thinks anything about it later, especially the fact that Patch put Nora at serious risk while basically violating her body.
So yeah, Patch, while in Nora's body, somehow manages to hold Jules on the ground and strangle him. I'm callin bullshit, but whatever. We're almost done with this thing. Patch mentally tells Nora that since it's not Chesvan, he's going to be kicked out of her body soon - OH COME ON! How does that work? *shakes head* Apparently it's not allowed, implying that he's breaking specific rules, which apparently are very weak rules if fallen angels are able to get inside people at all to begin with. He tells Nora that once he's booted out of her body, she should be a good little wimmuns and run for it.
Not long after, Patch is kicked out and Nora makes a run for it. Unfortunately, Jules mindrapes her into thinking that the door is locked, and she can't get past this hallucination. Thus, her only option for escape is to climb the rafters and get out through an air shaft. What? This wouldn't be complete without that particular cliche, and Fitzpatrick went to all the trouble to set up this contrived situation.
So up Nora goes, heading for the rafters via a ladder which apparently is just left around for any idiot to climb up. I'd think that in a high school they'd make some effort to keep the kids from goofing off on it, but whatever. As she heads up, Jules mindrapes her again, this time to think that that ladder is breaking apart under her feet. It's okay though, because Patch is there to give her a pep talk! Yes, because Patch is such a great motivational speaker! What's he even doing around here, anyway? Didn't he break the rules? Isn't he being summoned for some angelic hearing or something? Do the angels even do anything to him for breaking so many laws? Apparently not.
Nora closes her eyes and lets Patch's voice guide her up, because by now she has pretty much lost the ability to fight or do anything without his assistance. Our Heroine, ladies and gentlemen. She reaches the rafters, and somehow Jules is right behind her. After nearly being strangled and with a stabbed, bleeding leg. Um...okay then. That boy's got some stamina.
Somehow, Nora is able to spot a tiny birthmark on his wrist, which is exactly the same as hers. This...brings home for her the fact that he's her ancestor. The book treats this like some sort of revelation, but she already seemed to have accepted the fact, so I fail to see how it's significant. Unless this is when we're being reminded that Nora dying somehow causes Jules to die...
...She's not.
Christ, she is.
Nora is going to kill herself to kill Jules. And she's going to kill herself rather than let him kill her not for anything like wanting to have control of her own fate, but because she wants Patch to get that fucking human body. Because clearly he's been such a good boy who has treated her well, he deserves her dying so he can get a happy ending.
*inhales*
ARE YOU SERIOUS???
"I looked down, even though it made me dizzy. Patch was far below on the gym floor, still as death. Right then, I wanted to go back in time and relive every moment with him. One more secret smile, one more shared laugh. One more electric kiss. Finding him was like finding someone I didn't know I was searching for. He'd come into my life too late, and now was leaving too soon. I remembered him telling me he'd give up everything for me. He already had. He'd given up a human body of his own so I could live"
*pinches bridge of nose*
First of all, "one more secret smile, one more shared laugh"? When did you do either of those things with him? You always went on about how his smiles were dangerous and you were scared of him! Did you ever laugh together about anything?
Second of all, Nora. Sweetheart. Darling. YOU HARDLY KNOW THE GUY. Of the times you knew him, you only went on three outings that might be considered a date. Two of said outings he only asked you out for because he wanted to murder you. Three-quarters of the time you hung out with him, you were scared and suspicious and angry with him. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BUY THAT YOU AND HE HAD SUCH A FANTASTIC, ELECTRIC RELATIONSHIP? NO. I WILL NOT. IT IS COMPLETELY AND IRREFUTABLY BULLSHIT.
Third, yes, what a horrible, horrible sacrifice Patch made. He didn't get what he wanted because he didn't MURDER Her! I swear to God, Nora must have sustained serious brain damage over the course of this book because that fact just does not register with her! This is not a Black Jack story, where a loving parent dies so their child can have their kidneys. You got to live because AT THE LAST MINUTE, HE DECIDED THAT MURDERING YOU WAS WRONG! What a shocker! How many people know that? A LOT. THAT'S HOW MANY. For fuck's sake, what is going on with the world, where we're expected to view abstaining from murdering innocent people as a mark of exceptional compassion? Hell, if that's the case, I'm well on my way to sainthood!
Fourth, how in the name of Jehosephat did Patch give up a human body? He never had one. You can't give up what you don't actually have, sweet cheeks.
Fifth, I am filled with immense pain, knowing that Fitzpatrick and the many fans of this series all read that quote and thought it was the most romantic thing ever.
I am so very, very tired.
Nora tells Jules how she's his descendent and thus if she sacrifices herself, Patch gets his human body and Jules gets to die. And Jules...doesn't know this. Um, odd. Why did he think Patch was stalking Nora? And he doesn't question that at all or show confusion, so he seems to already know about the way the deal works. (Although I must say, I'm still confused, since apparently a willing sacrifice works, but just murdering the descendent doesn't and...I think this book is going to drive me to drinking)
So yeah. Jules tries to kill Nora and Nora tosses herself off of the rafters. I do so love that the best contribution Nora can make to her own story is killing herself, and doing it for the benefit of her abusive boyfriend. What an utterly fantastic moral this story has!
Onward to: Chapter 30
Back to: Chapter 28
Return to: Table of Contents