An Eventful Day
Hm, I'm out of Queens, yet I still feel crappy. wtf.
Man, if dealing with my nutcase of a father is going to take this long to wear off, my next 6 weeks dont look happy >.< Ah well, such is life. So i pretty much sat around last night. Talked to Susan which made me happy ^^ Talked to Rusty online which is...interesting, as always >.> ....squirrel death by bukkake?? WHY? What did those poor woodland creatures ever do to him T_T
Today I had work and met my coworkers and kids. it was alright. Though, I am further convinced that small boys are completely devoid of any worth. Which, I know isnt true, but I dont care. The girls, while backstabbing and evil, are manageable, and in their sly little evil ways, they do what they are told. When little girls try to be better than one another by seeing who can be the most "good," the teachers win. When boys start fights and are disruptive, we LOSE. I do not like my boys. Actually, some of them are..okay-ish. And maybe will be good. I already have my eye on little miniFodor and miniJoe. The fact that they are minis amuses me ^^
I like my coworkers muchly. Well, for now. I'm sure I'll come to hate them for their ineptitude soon enough. I have an 8th grader, who doesnt know what she's doing, but she tries, so thats cool. I have a ghetto AzN 9th grader ...I get along well with her, but omg her common sense with regards to children doesnt exist -.- What girl makes a paper airplane and then gives it to a group of alreayd disruptive boys!? >.< but she's actually helpful, because she's pretty, so the little boys listen to her ^^;. I have 10th grade chinese boy who i like because I made him my lackey xD ..actually, I made both boys my lackeys >.>;;;; But they're cool. They dont know what they're doing, but they try, and do what i tell them and that is just fine. The last one is a junior, who is the spitting image of J-HWO xD He only looks vaguely like him, but the similar features are there, especially in the shape of his head xD But most remarkable is his *voice*. And his *speech patterns*. Every word that comes out of his mouth I could swear its jhwo talking o_O MWAHA.
I even get to see Fanny during recess xD today we manned the monkey bars, which was very amusing...*damn* some of these kids are agile o_O One of the teeny little five year olds fuckign *flew* across them >.> Of course, the best thing was seeign little girls in these delicate dresses strong arming it across the way xD Ah, young girls! Keep getting more awesome! You can still be kickass and not have to be a tomboy T_T ~sparkle~
And the teachers are cool. dear God, whoever thought it was a good idea to let Mr Towber near small children ??? o_O Its..so weird o_O And...arghgh. He is so evil to the kids, but he's evil in an awesome way so he just wins. I <3 j00 TowBa~ xD
And then I went to my art class and was a diva. I even saw my professor for my standard once a semester "Now talk to me and boost my ego" appointment. ^^;; Which really was more like, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEE?? More accuracy, more "art"????" and he was all "Um...your work is good, um do whateverr you want >.>". Which, while flattering isnt helpful, and I wanted direction. So for the last drawign, the model's seated pose, I just freaked out and only drew his foot. I have to say, I'm quite please with my ginromous 16 x 22 inch foot xD I also decided to add "intense" to the canon of words I associate with myself, because my art professor keeps using it to describe me, and I've decided that is an apt adjective xD
Im just being cranky in art lately, which is probably why i've been so bitchy and diva-esque. probabyl because i'm dissatisfied. I mean, my work is leaps and bounds beyond everyone else, in terms of the ability to execute the figure (dammit, hunter juniors can execute the human figure far more explicitly than the people in this class, blarrgh). But, again, while that bit of reassurance is nice on my ego, it sucks, because then I have to answer to *myself* which really blows. Because Im not nice >.< I mean, Hunter I had to answer to the teachers, ultimately, which was okay. I can please other people. I cant really..please myself >.> So um, yeah I guess I'm sort of pissed at my suck. Which, isnt really fair, because my human figures are good. They're good, they have a presence on the page, they actually resemble the person...but like...i dunno >.< GAH.
And it also weirds me out when people in my art class (and a lot of my classes) say to me "Really? Hyper? *You*? I can't really see that >.>" So um, yeah. -.- I cant go to a non awesome grad school. I will cry. While I am egotistical and stuff, i really much rather prefer to be slightly less better than everyone so no one can hate me. Because that lack of talent deprives me of power. Of course, I also have my own standards to measure up to, so if im going to not be as good as someone, they had better fucking be awesome -.- wagh.
In other news, I'm considering also gettign a double masters. Because um...yay teaching? ^^;;;; Teachers kept being like "Omg, you're really good with kids, are you going to be a teacher?" And i was all ",,,maayybe". Whatever, the idea of teachign at Hunter High appeals to me immensely, i wont lie. I'll be the first teacher to dispence gossip like a lab technician xD After all, Ms Sewell did act as a surrogate grandmother to me~ xD
Upset for no reason. I guess I'm in one of those paranoia stages where I wonder how long I can hold onto everything, whether I should. Sometimes I wonder what happened...I used to like being alone, especially in nature. Do I pursue people because I know I will inevitably end up alone, or rather, if I dont pursue them, they wont pursue me? Of course, the answer is somethign like "then you dont need them". but gah, being emo -.- Watching Utena makes me wonder: Gonna take who I've been up 'till now and find the strength to throw it all away...can I do that? Well, of course I could, I can do anything (my arent we cocky ^^;) but do i want to.
It jsut seems so wasteful. It reminds me of soemthing my cousin told me. Her studio art professor made every single person in the class make postcard sized copies (in paint) of 100 famous paintings, and they only had a week to do it. So everyone went ballistic to be as prolific as possible, but still have the work look good. And then, a week later, everyone handed in the stuff, and the teacher piled it on the floor in front of the room and set it on FIRE. And the people were like "OMG!!?!" and she was all "you need to let go ^^" and they were all "AGH'. See, i appreciate the lesson that having everythign take from you or throwign it away is a great strength and character builder. But at the same time...why? What energy you expend to rebuild what you've lost....if its not better than before, then couldnt you have expended the same energy improving your previous lot? gah.
I am way to attached to things of this world. but that's okay because ...religion is mostly a basis for morality, right? And if my moral code is based on civic virtue, which is inherently tied to this world..its..okay?
Someone needs to invent a chill pill so i can take it.
Man, if dealing with my nutcase of a father is going to take this long to wear off, my next 6 weeks dont look happy >.< Ah well, such is life. So i pretty much sat around last night. Talked to Susan which made me happy ^^ Talked to Rusty online which is...interesting, as always >.> ....squirrel death by bukkake?? WHY? What did those poor woodland creatures ever do to him T_T
Today I had work and met my coworkers and kids. it was alright. Though, I am further convinced that small boys are completely devoid of any worth. Which, I know isnt true, but I dont care. The girls, while backstabbing and evil, are manageable, and in their sly little evil ways, they do what they are told. When little girls try to be better than one another by seeing who can be the most "good," the teachers win. When boys start fights and are disruptive, we LOSE. I do not like my boys. Actually, some of them are..okay-ish. And maybe will be good. I already have my eye on little miniFodor and miniJoe. The fact that they are minis amuses me ^^
I like my coworkers muchly. Well, for now. I'm sure I'll come to hate them for their ineptitude soon enough. I have an 8th grader, who doesnt know what she's doing, but she tries, so thats cool. I have a ghetto AzN 9th grader ...I get along well with her, but omg her common sense with regards to children doesnt exist -.- What girl makes a paper airplane and then gives it to a group of alreayd disruptive boys!? >.< but she's actually helpful, because she's pretty, so the little boys listen to her ^^;. I have 10th grade chinese boy who i like because I made him my lackey xD ..actually, I made both boys my lackeys >.>;;;; But they're cool. They dont know what they're doing, but they try, and do what i tell them and that is just fine. The last one is a junior, who is the spitting image of J-HWO xD He only looks vaguely like him, but the similar features are there, especially in the shape of his head xD But most remarkable is his *voice*. And his *speech patterns*. Every word that comes out of his mouth I could swear its jhwo talking o_O MWAHA.
I even get to see Fanny during recess xD today we manned the monkey bars, which was very amusing...*damn* some of these kids are agile o_O One of the teeny little five year olds fuckign *flew* across them >.> Of course, the best thing was seeign little girls in these delicate dresses strong arming it across the way xD Ah, young girls! Keep getting more awesome! You can still be kickass and not have to be a tomboy T_T ~sparkle~
And the teachers are cool. dear God, whoever thought it was a good idea to let Mr Towber near small children ??? o_O Its..so weird o_O And...arghgh. He is so evil to the kids, but he's evil in an awesome way so he just wins. I <3 j00 TowBa~ xD
And then I went to my art class and was a diva. I even saw my professor for my standard once a semester "Now talk to me and boost my ego" appointment. ^^;; Which really was more like, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEE?? More accuracy, more "art"????" and he was all "Um...your work is good, um do whateverr you want >.>". Which, while flattering isnt helpful, and I wanted direction. So for the last drawign, the model's seated pose, I just freaked out and only drew his foot. I have to say, I'm quite please with my ginromous 16 x 22 inch foot xD I also decided to add "intense" to the canon of words I associate with myself, because my art professor keeps using it to describe me, and I've decided that is an apt adjective xD
Im just being cranky in art lately, which is probably why i've been so bitchy and diva-esque. probabyl because i'm dissatisfied. I mean, my work is leaps and bounds beyond everyone else, in terms of the ability to execute the figure (dammit, hunter juniors can execute the human figure far more explicitly than the people in this class, blarrgh). But, again, while that bit of reassurance is nice on my ego, it sucks, because then I have to answer to *myself* which really blows. Because Im not nice >.< I mean, Hunter I had to answer to the teachers, ultimately, which was okay. I can please other people. I cant really..please myself >.> So um, yeah I guess I'm sort of pissed at my suck. Which, isnt really fair, because my human figures are good. They're good, they have a presence on the page, they actually resemble the person...but like...i dunno >.< GAH.
And it also weirds me out when people in my art class (and a lot of my classes) say to me "Really? Hyper? *You*? I can't really see that >.>" So um, yeah. -.- I cant go to a non awesome grad school. I will cry. While I am egotistical and stuff, i really much rather prefer to be slightly less better than everyone so no one can hate me. Because that lack of talent deprives me of power. Of course, I also have my own standards to measure up to, so if im going to not be as good as someone, they had better fucking be awesome -.- wagh.
In other news, I'm considering also gettign a double masters. Because um...yay teaching? ^^;;;; Teachers kept being like "Omg, you're really good with kids, are you going to be a teacher?" And i was all ",,,maayybe". Whatever, the idea of teachign at Hunter High appeals to me immensely, i wont lie. I'll be the first teacher to dispence gossip like a lab technician xD After all, Ms Sewell did act as a surrogate grandmother to me~ xD
Upset for no reason. I guess I'm in one of those paranoia stages where I wonder how long I can hold onto everything, whether I should. Sometimes I wonder what happened...I used to like being alone, especially in nature. Do I pursue people because I know I will inevitably end up alone, or rather, if I dont pursue them, they wont pursue me? Of course, the answer is somethign like "then you dont need them". but gah, being emo -.- Watching Utena makes me wonder: Gonna take who I've been up 'till now and find the strength to throw it all away...can I do that? Well, of course I could, I can do anything (my arent we cocky ^^;) but do i want to.
It jsut seems so wasteful. It reminds me of soemthing my cousin told me. Her studio art professor made every single person in the class make postcard sized copies (in paint) of 100 famous paintings, and they only had a week to do it. So everyone went ballistic to be as prolific as possible, but still have the work look good. And then, a week later, everyone handed in the stuff, and the teacher piled it on the floor in front of the room and set it on FIRE. And the people were like "OMG!!?!" and she was all "you need to let go ^^" and they were all "AGH'. See, i appreciate the lesson that having everythign take from you or throwign it away is a great strength and character builder. But at the same time...why? What energy you expend to rebuild what you've lost....if its not better than before, then couldnt you have expended the same energy improving your previous lot? gah.
I am way to attached to things of this world. but that's okay because ...religion is mostly a basis for morality, right? And if my moral code is based on civic virtue, which is inherently tied to this world..its..okay?
Someone needs to invent a chill pill so i can take it.