Is it possible to die from adoration?

[zeitgeisha]

OHMYGOD i saw my lit professor today and almost DIED. I was waiting on line for him in front of his office (there were a lot of people hes so busy XD), and I was like....not being able to breath. I was sittign there like a good girl rereading Socrate's (Plato's, really) Apology, and I was having so MUCH trouble breathing and maintaining a steady heartbeat. Like, my heartbeat was CRAZY. It was actually beatying wildly in my chest >.< And I kept forgetting to breath T_T I mean, my reaction to him is actually *ridiculous* my friend, who *actuallly* wants to sleep with her professor (she describes her sexual fantasies in great detail) asked me exactly what my intentions were toward him were and its liek ....I dont want to sleep with him! really! I dont know *WHY* I react so strongly to him T_T I think its like how I'm an addict to the drug of regard. You know how drug addicts have physical responses? I think that was me today >.> I mean... like, he's not someone that likes people easily. And he likes me. And that is important to me. Hes like..Odysseus and Socrates and a million different c=great figures rolled up inot one; to me he *is*literature, if there was ever a livign a llegory for it..okay, not all lit..but, masuline lit; epic; philosophy, stuff like that. ...to gain the regard of such a person..is everything to me. I impressed him today XD He's a vry understated guy, and when he looked at my transcript (he had to sign my major form) his eyebrows raised XD And he said "Impressive" WHICH IS A LOT, coming from him. Like omg i almost passed out from joy and tension and AGH. Right after he said that, he also said, "I can see why you dont sleep"...and then i went into my uterine problems and he was all "agh, thats terrible". He wants to be updated on my health problems T_T He cares. He totally bruyshed that CF on my midterm aside. Im goign to discuss the draft of my next paper with him soon T_T Im so happy. Though,. I dont know what he tyhough of me, i tottally had the scared shaking doe thing going on >.> i was all white and flushed and shaking >.> Eehehee >.> I need to chill. I aqctually dont think i can take anymore classes with him because it affects me this strongly...

I told my dad about the C; and he took it pretty well: "It Happens" said he "Doesnt mean a thing" In other news, my philo professor has REFUSED to edit my paper -.- F*CK. Im totally goign to be spazzing over it all night -.- If I A this, i will be really, really ridiculously happy XDDD And um. I've decided to be more chill. And my dad siad people might be able to visit me sunday, as long as im like, not hemorraghing all over the place or cramped until i die. heheeh. I think my arttitudes a bit calmer now. I'm just going to give it my all, and what happnes happens -- I've never been one to live a life of regrets (even though ive always worried about the future, ive never regretted the past). Whatever, I can do this.

As Sam said, "Auntie Val is an awesome rock"