A Breeze of Relief, A Sigh of Disgust, and the Eddying Memories of Long Island

[zeitgeisha]

OMG Classes are *finally* FINALLY over >.< Thank goodness. I just can't do work anymore; my artistic sensibilities have taken a baseball bat to my head, and are ordering me to cease this foolish "paper writing" and just *draw*. But yeah. I'm just so relieved because I finished my paper on why Bush is an asshole. So basically my paper focused on the crumbling separation of church and state. And i say how religion is a very absolute idealogy, and it's not good to put something so absolute into the government, which functions through compromise to bring order, and efficiency (what meager amount there is) to civic life. And how the Christain Religious Right is raping our country. Now, mind you, it's not Christians, and its not Re3publicans. I can understand and respect moderate idealogy. Okay. ...but the radicals on the right are *scary*. One leader, George Grant, talks about how "It is dominion we are after. Not just influence...World conquest. That's what Christ has commissioned us to accomplish...And we must never settle for anything less" -.- ~sigh~ I mean, I got kind off offended this weekend on Jesus's behalf >.> You should all head over to www.theocracywatch.org It is a good site and amazingly informative with all *kinds* of crazy links to everythign ever. Oh! And if you want a Christian Religious Right perspective, go to EarsToHear.net ....that place gave me nightmares. >.< The fact that there are people who firmly believe the idealogies espoused on that site makes me ill. And then I began to doubt myself, adn then I thought I was going to hell for about an hour, because I sat and thought about ther point of view. And I was about to go insane and adopt it and bedcome a nun. And then my gramma called ^_^ And set me back on my two lovely not-uber-Christian-feet. Yeah..this paper was just a pain because there is so *MUCH* Bush is doing to screw this country over, that fitting it all into my paper was impossible ~sigh~ I'm goign to miss abortions and gay people. And science. This paper was an excercise in depression..but I least I got it doen and I think I did a good job so yay! ^_^ And I went to Helen's Concert thing yesterday, and it was cool and now I want to get the soundtrack for the show...now where to find some free classical choral mp3's ....and hanging out yesterday was just generally awesome. And set the stage for an event later that night which would consume me. So everyone's been talkign about Power Rangers. Like..Actually. yesterday, we were talkign about at helenn's concert, and then we were talking about it today in school...and it seems to be following me...weirdness. So last night, I had a *crazy* flashback into my life back when I was your run of the mill gothy long island punker, or, back when I was turnign into one. Back when my "culture" that I followed was that of the midde class long islander. Hanging out wiht friends at the mall, or seeing a movie, going to camp, knowing people, having a socail life that was beginning to grow, all this at a normal rate. Of course, this was all during the summer, as during the school year, I had no life beyond the reacdh of my textbooks. But during the summer I was a white punky long island girl. And proud of it! And now, ...what, six, *seven* years later, I wonder what happened. What catapulted me into my mad AzN SkilZ? Incidentally, this whole thing was inspired while I was using th iTunes shared feature to listen to my friend Jenny's playlist. And the music she had on there took me *way* back. Blink 182, BSB, Sum41, all the good things I associated with camp and growing up Long Island. And as I was belting out "The Rock Show" at foru in the morning, I realized, somehow, that ...this was were I was meant to be. I should have gone through highschool, keeping my elemnetary school clique of guys, who, as i found out, later went on to be punkers, one of them even had his own band ^_^ I should have had friends like Jenny, and skateboarded and hung out at the mall, and gone to concerts. I mean, that's why I've been feelign so awkward at my summer camp the past 2, 3 years. I excommunicated myself from this brand of culture. I didn't go to 'Dozo. I didn't even go to Townshend. I didn't have a car, and I didn't see anyone at after-school or schuel or Warped Tour or anyhting. I became a stranger in my own land. Of course, thats because I got into the whole mad azn skillz, but last night, as i procrastinated, I wondered *why*. *why* would I leave somethign I was so comfortable with? And it wasn't Hunter. I was still Long Island up until around 8th grade, albeit wiht mild asian leanings. The conclusion I came to, which was pretty random, was that I couldn't relate to the innate grr-y-ness and teenage rebellion of punk ("17 wihtout a purpose or direction, don't owe anyone a f*cking explanation"). Instead...I somehow drifted over to the more...seemignly responsible nature of asian culture, more oriented toward communcal duties and basically doing as you're told. Of course, this was because I grew up in a pretty Asian house, even if my dad was white, he might as well have been asian >.> It was kind of like being in the army and learnign how to follow orders...~sigh~ *ANYway* so now that I've become all azn-ified, I'm looking back at what I've lost. There's somethign charming about the ounk long island culture that I miss, especially during the summer when Wendy tells me about she got back at three in the morning from soem random Sugarcult concert, and I've been sitting at home with my parents. ~sigh~ But, even still, it's kind of nice to know that a part of me can still relate and appreciate long island punk, even if its a thing past. Or is it? I feel liek I'm regaining it a little, through Jenny. I look at her and her friends (some of which I went to elementary school with) and think with startling clarity that that is where I was meant to end up. But that's alright. I didn't go to Dozo or Towshend, I went to Hunter. And it was good. And even though I miss conformity, just a little, this is nice too. n And the friends I have now...they mean more to me than I imagined possible. I don't think I copuld have made as strong friends in a life of comfortable punking, and really, to me this is worth it. I look at my orginal trio of friends, BrainySmurf, BooBoo, and *I*(Tipsy!), as the prefiguration of random gumi, and thank whatever powers that be for the stronger friendship that has knitted itself together over no sunlight and a hot cup of anime. ~sigH~ I'm just feelign really weird ...I feel like I've been able to experience so many culture groups, but in doing so I've experienced none and managed to keep this detached aura in my chest, and I feel like I've lived and learned so much through participating in everyone else's cultures to the point of...I don't know.

I contain multitudes.