WTF WEIRDOS
I swear, *do* I have a crazy psycho weirdo magnet attached to me?
but first, I was very happy to visit the high school this morning ^^ Freak Hall, Enrichment People, hurrays ^^ But not Jahn or Izzy...YET. Though, it was depressing. Reading the papers of the seniors, with the *horrible* realization that seniors at hunter high = seniors at hunter college. It's good thing I didnt pay for CUNY, as it was a giant waste of time. Simply a spacer between high school and grad school. I love HCHS.
I feel like im missing the mark in Shakespeare. Not because of a lack of knowledge, but because im getting careless. BLARGH.
And tutoring. AGHH. wtf, weird people comign onto me >.< My peer advisor is being creepy friendly. Wugghh. It's uncomfortable and weird >.< I mean, he's probabyl just being friendly, but i have kosovsky syndrome, which is probably why i get along so well with them. So I have to make an active effort not to be bitchy at him, just from my own feeling threatened vibes.
But the *REAL* CREEPY PSYCHO, is one of the guys im tutoring. Either he is coming onto me or something is deifnately wrong with him. He has this really wild crazy stoner look, and he's studying to be a lawyer. And he keeps *touching* me and invading my personal space >.< I mean, that's a perfect desciption of me, so i cant really complain...but..wtf >.< And he keeps tellign me about how he tells his roomates about me and how much *they* like me too >.>;;; Apparently one of them is from HCHS, about 16 yrs ago, and i dunno what the other is. I mean, I understand what it is to like a person and fawn over them...maybe I'm just lettign my hackles be raised because he's a guy and i have natural "WTF vibes with guys". I mean, guys beign nice to me....? it's a foreign concept. not that my guy friends arent nice to me, but like...I mean, I dont get this weird vibe when I know the guy's girlfriend, or a girl they like. Just to know their attention is elsewhere. But I dont know that person through "any* female link. And guys beign nice to me is just *weird* >.< Hm. I wonder if the guys I like, I like *just* because I cant have them? Do i set myslef up for failure unconciously? I mean, i did, but I'd like to think i dont do that as much anymore, taking a slightly more proactive stance...even if this sort of involves lots of self disregard >.>;;;; I honestly have noooo idea what I'm doing. >_o
You guys dont know this, because you see me in really different contexts, but I've become a majorly quiet person. Im not outgoing anymore. Mostly because I dont want to make friends here. Which is why I cant *wait* to go to a really good grad school (omg, if i dont something majorly BAD will happen). (this is not so much the case in the dorm, but in college i have what could be described as an icy demeanor >.>;; ..well, when im not with diana sophie ^^) Also, I've applied myself to making myself girlier. So I'm actually getting the hang if this whole "passive" thing. I'm not that bad at it, actually. ^^ The logic is really easy for me to grasp: Maybe I dont agree with you, or am offended, but its not worth me raising the issue because I dont want to incur your ill favor. Easy, right? But the problem is, my plan is sort of working. So now guys arent intimidated by me, which is sort of ...weird for me. That, and I dont want people to be comfortable with me, because when they are, they keep askign for my homework. Or help. Or something. I mean, I;m glad to explain something, but people I'm not going to do your work *for* you -.- blah. I mean, when smart people or even mildly intelligent people approach me, its okay, because its sort of an equal exchange...but omg leeches go AWAY, i have my own problems
Another exciting trip to Queens in store for me tomorrow. -.-
mune ni sasatta koe ga ima hibiiteru
taisetsu na hito he to negai yo habaiteyuke
the voice that pierced my heart
now echoes within, my wish,
fly away to my beloved.
but first, I was very happy to visit the high school this morning ^^ Freak Hall, Enrichment People, hurrays ^^ But not Jahn or Izzy...YET. Though, it was depressing. Reading the papers of the seniors, with the *horrible* realization that seniors at hunter high = seniors at hunter college. It's good thing I didnt pay for CUNY, as it was a giant waste of time. Simply a spacer between high school and grad school. I love HCHS.
I feel like im missing the mark in Shakespeare. Not because of a lack of knowledge, but because im getting careless. BLARGH.
And tutoring. AGHH. wtf, weird people comign onto me >.< My peer advisor is being creepy friendly. Wugghh. It's uncomfortable and weird >.< I mean, he's probabyl just being friendly, but i have kosovsky syndrome, which is probably why i get along so well with them. So I have to make an active effort not to be bitchy at him, just from my own feeling threatened vibes.
But the *REAL* CREEPY PSYCHO, is one of the guys im tutoring. Either he is coming onto me or something is deifnately wrong with him. He has this really wild crazy stoner look, and he's studying to be a lawyer. And he keeps *touching* me and invading my personal space >.< I mean, that's a perfect desciption of me, so i cant really complain...but..wtf >.< And he keeps tellign me about how he tells his roomates about me and how much *they* like me too >.>;;; Apparently one of them is from HCHS, about 16 yrs ago, and i dunno what the other is. I mean, I understand what it is to like a person and fawn over them...maybe I'm just lettign my hackles be raised because he's a guy and i have natural "WTF vibes with guys". I mean, guys beign nice to me....? it's a foreign concept. not that my guy friends arent nice to me, but like...I mean, I dont get this weird vibe when I know the guy's girlfriend, or a girl they like. Just to know their attention is elsewhere. But I dont know that person through "any* female link. And guys beign nice to me is just *weird* >.< Hm. I wonder if the guys I like, I like *just* because I cant have them? Do i set myslef up for failure unconciously? I mean, i did, but I'd like to think i dont do that as much anymore, taking a slightly more proactive stance...even if this sort of involves lots of self disregard >.>;;;; I honestly have noooo idea what I'm doing. >_o
You guys dont know this, because you see me in really different contexts, but I've become a majorly quiet person. Im not outgoing anymore. Mostly because I dont want to make friends here. Which is why I cant *wait* to go to a really good grad school (omg, if i dont something majorly BAD will happen). (this is not so much the case in the dorm, but in college i have what could be described as an icy demeanor >.>;; ..well, when im not with diana sophie ^^) Also, I've applied myself to making myself girlier. So I'm actually getting the hang if this whole "passive" thing. I'm not that bad at it, actually. ^^ The logic is really easy for me to grasp: Maybe I dont agree with you, or am offended, but its not worth me raising the issue because I dont want to incur your ill favor. Easy, right? But the problem is, my plan is sort of working. So now guys arent intimidated by me, which is sort of ...weird for me. That, and I dont want people to be comfortable with me, because when they are, they keep askign for my homework. Or help. Or something. I mean, I;m glad to explain something, but people I'm not going to do your work *for* you -.- blah. I mean, when smart people or even mildly intelligent people approach me, its okay, because its sort of an equal exchange...but omg leeches go AWAY, i have my own problems
Another exciting trip to Queens in store for me tomorrow. -.-
mune ni sasatta koe ga ima hibiiteru
taisetsu na hito he to negai yo habaiteyuke
the voice that pierced my heart
now echoes within, my wish,
fly away to my beloved.