with each day, something new...
how do i begin to describe what i am feeling right now?
i've been holding my breath, waiting for the chance to exhale for WEEKS now... and today... today i was finally able to let it out. i hate waiting for things, even when i have faith in myself, even when i believe that everything will turn out ok. not that this comes as a surprise to anyone, i'm sure- but i am just not a patient person. i get uncomfortable in the unknown. so to finally know... to finally know that i do, indeed, get to pursue the BFA... oh man. *exhale*
i am relieved. i am ecstatic. i am proud. i am satisfied. i am appreciative. i am grateful.
oh, and i finally got to cry. mamba asked me to read the letter to her, and i lost it. it's about fucking time... even if it only lasted for like, a minute. it feels good to feel.
dd is the most incredible person ever... she is so supportive and fabulous and made me this cute sign that was hanging in the room when i got back. aw.
i was sitting outside of the student center today, eating my lunch and talking on the phone, when i heard a few freshman talking about the bfa. "aw man, what if we don't get it? should we plan on transferring now? how many people get it?". i asked them if they were talking about the bfa, and they immediately started asking me questions about what they need to do to get it... it was so surreal. i just found out today, and here i am, telling the next class what will work in their favor for getting the bfa. weird. i felt fucking pretentious, but i know that i'm just putting that on myself. but here comes another class... i can move on, and now it's their turn. and it's fuckin weird. lindsay and em were outside of constitution this afternoon, and em said "well, it's strange to say this, but i guess you're one of us old fogeys now". bizarre.
ok, so this is one thing that i can stop thinking about. now i can focus my energy on anne frank, on elisa's practicum, on auditions, on class. there's so much to do- i'm slightly overwhelmed, but i wouldn't trade it in for anything. this is how i do things... this is how i function. i've come to accept that about myself. i just constantly need to be busy with lots of things, or else i won't ever get ANYTHING done. this is me.
i thought that getting the bfa would fix everything else... turn life completely around. and ya know, i'm feeling that weight lifted, so it's had a positive influence (how could it not?). but there are still pieces that i'm waiting to see fall into place. i went to desiree's RA program tonight and had anthony read my cards and em do my chart... and both of them told me some very interesting things. em indicated that things always balance out for me, and that i'm in a good place... and anthony has predicted some payoff on a certain matter i've invested energy in. so we'll see. god knows i sure would appreciate some sort of sign that my efforts haven't been wasted. breathe.
what a day. what a hell of a day. i think sleep is in order. for sure.
It’s a kind of magic
It’s a kind of magic
A kind of magic
One dream one soul one prize one goal
One golden glance of what should be
It’s a kind of magic
One shaft of light that shows the way
No mortal man can win this day
It’s a kind of magic
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
It’s a kind of magic
The waiting seems eternity
The day will dawn of sanity
Is this a kind of magic
It’s a kind of magic
i've been holding my breath, waiting for the chance to exhale for WEEKS now... and today... today i was finally able to let it out. i hate waiting for things, even when i have faith in myself, even when i believe that everything will turn out ok. not that this comes as a surprise to anyone, i'm sure- but i am just not a patient person. i get uncomfortable in the unknown. so to finally know... to finally know that i do, indeed, get to pursue the BFA... oh man. *exhale*
i am relieved. i am ecstatic. i am proud. i am satisfied. i am appreciative. i am grateful.
oh, and i finally got to cry. mamba asked me to read the letter to her, and i lost it. it's about fucking time... even if it only lasted for like, a minute. it feels good to feel.
dd is the most incredible person ever... she is so supportive and fabulous and made me this cute sign that was hanging in the room when i got back. aw.
i was sitting outside of the student center today, eating my lunch and talking on the phone, when i heard a few freshman talking about the bfa. "aw man, what if we don't get it? should we plan on transferring now? how many people get it?". i asked them if they were talking about the bfa, and they immediately started asking me questions about what they need to do to get it... it was so surreal. i just found out today, and here i am, telling the next class what will work in their favor for getting the bfa. weird. i felt fucking pretentious, but i know that i'm just putting that on myself. but here comes another class... i can move on, and now it's their turn. and it's fuckin weird. lindsay and em were outside of constitution this afternoon, and em said "well, it's strange to say this, but i guess you're one of us old fogeys now". bizarre.
ok, so this is one thing that i can stop thinking about. now i can focus my energy on anne frank, on elisa's practicum, on auditions, on class. there's so much to do- i'm slightly overwhelmed, but i wouldn't trade it in for anything. this is how i do things... this is how i function. i've come to accept that about myself. i just constantly need to be busy with lots of things, or else i won't ever get ANYTHING done. this is me.
i thought that getting the bfa would fix everything else... turn life completely around. and ya know, i'm feeling that weight lifted, so it's had a positive influence (how could it not?). but there are still pieces that i'm waiting to see fall into place. i went to desiree's RA program tonight and had anthony read my cards and em do my chart... and both of them told me some very interesting things. em indicated that things always balance out for me, and that i'm in a good place... and anthony has predicted some payoff on a certain matter i've invested energy in. so we'll see. god knows i sure would appreciate some sort of sign that my efforts haven't been wasted. breathe.
what a day. what a hell of a day. i think sleep is in order. for sure.
It’s a kind of magic
It’s a kind of magic
A kind of magic
One dream one soul one prize one goal
One golden glance of what should be
It’s a kind of magic
One shaft of light that shows the way
No mortal man can win this day
It’s a kind of magic
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
It’s a kind of magic
The waiting seems eternity
The day will dawn of sanity
Is this a kind of magic
It’s a kind of magic