Today is the worst day and I hate it forever.
Continuous cramping so bad that in order to function at all I had to take two vicodin because hot packs were not cutting it. Went to the bathroom and I am spotting. Not bleeding. Not yet. But spotting enough to trigger a forty-five minute panic attack in which all I could do was hyperventilate and cry and wring my hands and see horrible apocalyptic visions of beginning to hemorrhage again and having to go back to the hospital and dying.
Xanax and forcing myself to eat lunch helped. Low blood sugar = lose.
I almost got fired yesterday because the COO of my company decided he thought I was lying about my hours. It got worked out, because I didn't lie about my hours, and I get shit done, and I am a valuable employee, but it kind of made me hate my job, at least for today.
Every time one thing gets better, something else gets worse. Nine and I spent three hours talking about our feelings and our marriage and our stress and the last couple of days we have been closer and happier than we've been since I first got sick, so naturally my physical health had to start threatening to fall to shit again instead.
And after two vicodin I am still in so much pain that I can barely breathe. I am concerned that there is some sort of post-op infection happening (don't worry, I am calling the doctor). Immediately after my surgery I had such bad pain that they had to give me morphine, fentanyl, and dilaudid before I stopped crying and asking why they were stabbing me in the vajay. I am really hoping that this is not turning back into that, because all I remember about that was being convinced that someone was trying to kill me through the nether lips, as it were, and then being high as fuck and hallucinating a bunch of scary things.